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My Copy Needs Expert Advice From You

by playawitthepassport
8 replies
I run a Brazilian travel blog for men. I just whipped up a new lead magnet last night with one affiliate link in it about learning Portuguese.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_m...w?pref=2&pli=1

Please. Rip it to shreds so I can improve quickly. I'm spending hours everyday practicing copywriting (and lurking on Warrior Forum) so I can get clients.

This forum is a true treasure and I've learned a lot over the past couple of weeks. Thanks to everyone who contributes a post to this section.

You all made me want to become a copywriter
#advice #copy #expert
  • Profile picture of the author gjabiz
    Originally Posted by playawitthepassport View Post

    I run a Brazilian travel blog for men. I just whipped up a new lead magnet last night with one affiliate link in it about learning Portuguese.

    https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_m...w?pref=2&pli=1

    Please. Rip it to shreds so I can improve quickly. I'm spending hours everyday practicing copywriting (and lurking on Warrior Forum) so I can get clients.

    This forum is a true treasure and I've learned a lot over the past couple of weeks. Thanks to everyone who contributes a post to this section.

    You all made me want to become a copywriter
    Listen, you lazy turd...
    It appears you are trying to appeal to young men who want to visit Rio, meet some of the most beautiful women in the world and have the time of their life.

    Right?

    They need to bring two things with them and money isn't one of them. Bring their Baile Funk moves on the dance floor and their PORTUGUESE with them or these thong clad ladies won't even give them the time of the day.

    So, if this is indeed your market, you need to come at them from that angle.

    You sort of imply it in parts of your copy.

    You need to define your target avatar. Young men, 18 -32 who want to visit Brazil and have fun (as defined by them).

    Where will these guys come from to find your promotion, in other words, what are your traffic sources? Once you know why they are coming there, you have a grand 10 seconds to catch their attention, if words only, better tell them how they are going to have the time of their life...

    Example.

    Girls of Brazil are the Hottest Lovers in the World. Here's how to make them want YOU when you visit.


    But if your target avatar is a more general public, you miss by a mile. So, frst thing is decide who is your perfect customer, where and how do they find your promotion, what is the PREOCCUPATIONAL INTERRUPTER you will use to get their attention (pic, headline, video, music)...

    What is the reason they want to go to Rio (or Brazil)...and when, and THEN show them you have something which could help make their experience extraordinary.

    Get rid of all that YOU stuff, and focus on THEM and what they want.

    gjabiz

    PS If I were writing it, there would be at least 3 Beach Beauties in my background pick, and would probably write for the "getting laid in Rio" crowd. And, for what its worth, a more compact short term course with specific vocabulary, in other words, give them modules to go faster, so if their dream is a couple of months out, they will know, in order...
    How to ask a girl to dance
    How to flirt with a girl
    How to read her mind...THEN, how to ask the cab driver for directions...SEE? Sell what they want to know.
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    • Profile picture of the author playawitthepassport
      Originally Posted by gjabiz View Post

      Listen, you lazy turd...
      It appears you are trying to appeal to young men who want to visit Rio, meet some of the most beautiful women in the world and have the time of their life.

      Right?

      They need to bring two things with them and money isn't one of them. Bring their Baile Funk moves on the dance floor and their PORTUGUESE with them or these thong clad ladies won't even give them the time of the day.

      So, if this is indeed your market, you need to come at them from that angle.

      You sort of imply it in parts of your copy.

      You need to define your target avatar. Young men, 18 -32 who want to visit Brazil and have fun (as defined by them).

      Where will these guys come from to find your promotion, in other words, what are your traffic sources? Once you know why they are coming there, you have a grand 10 seconds to catch their attention, if words only, better tell them how they are going to have the time of their life...

      Example.

      Girls of Brazil are the Hottest Lovers in the World. Here's how to make them want YOU when you visit.


      But if your target avatar is a more general public, you miss by a mile. So, frst thing is decide who is your perfect customer, where and how do they find your promotion, what is the PREOCCUPATIONAL INTERRUPTER you will use to get their attention (pic, headline, video, music)...

      What is the reason they want to go to Rio (or Brazil)...and when, and THEN show them you have something which could help make their experience extraordinary.

      Get rid of all that YOU stuff, and focus on THEM and what they want.

      gjabiz

      PS If I were writing it, there would be at least 3 Beach Beauties in my background pick, and would probably write for the "getting laid in Rio" crowd. And, for what its worth, a more compact short term course with specific vocabulary, in other words, give them modules to go faster, so if their dream is a couple of months out, they will know, in order...
      How to ask a girl to dance
      How to flirt with a girl
      How to read her mind...THEN, how to ask the cab driver for directions...SEE? Sell what they want to know.
      Thanks for the reply!

      My readers are usually between 25 to 45.

      In a recent survey, 94% said they wanted to learn Portuguese and wanted more learning resources.

      But like you mentioned, you have to give what they want then give them what they need. A lot of guys want to go to Brazil to meet women.

      But that's my biggest fear - having to sell sexual content. I have no problem writing something like that for someone else. But for my own website with my face and name all over it, not happening.

      Especially when it comes to a topic like this. I'm not going to be the sex tourism guy. It's not me in irl, so I definitely don't want that image online.

      I might let this idea go and figure out something else.

      Thanks for the honest feedback.
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      • Profile picture of the author gjabiz
        Originally Posted by playawitthepassport View Post

        Thanks for the reply!

        My readers are usually between 25 to 45.

        In a recent survey, 94% said they wanted to learn Portuguese and wanted more learning resources.

        But like you mentioned, you have to give what they want then give them what they need. A lot of guys want to go to Brazil to meet women.

        But that's my biggest fear - having to sell sexual content. I have no problem writing something like that for someone else. But for my own website with my face and name all over it, not happening.

        Especially when it comes to a topic like this. I'm not going to be the sex tourism guy. It's not me in irl, so I definitely don't want that image online.

        I might let this idea go and figure out something else.

        Thanks for the honest feedback.
        The copy idea is the same for whomever you write for...

        Business people going to Brazil
        Couples on vacation
        Cruise ships with ports of call in Brazil
        Students

        You write the copy for YOUR market, and since you have chosen a blog for MEN, in that age bracket, should come as NO surprise what they might want from a Brazil visit.

        Perhaps you can tune your blog to a more general tourist idea? Or, is it just one of several affiliate sites, and you picked it to sell the language course?

        But as to the copy you write, it needs a clearly defined target and a knowledge and control of where the audience comes from.

        Good luck in your efforts.

        gjabiz
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        • Profile picture of the author playawitthepassport
          Originally Posted by gjabiz View Post

          The copy idea is the same for whomever you write for...

          Business people going to Brazil
          Couples on vacation
          Cruise ships with ports of call in Brazil
          Students

          You write the copy for YOUR market, and since you have chosen a blog for MEN, in that age bracket, should come as NO surprise what they might want from a Brazil visit.

          Perhaps you can tune your blog to a more general tourist idea? Or, is it just one of several affiliate sites, and you picked it to sell the language course?

          But as to the copy you write, it needs a clearly defined target and a knowledge and control of where the audience comes from.

          Good luck in your efforts.

          gjabiz
          You're right. I've fought against the blog being more about dating and only accepted feedback about other aspects of traveling to Brazil.

          But by far, most of my emails and site comments are about Brazilian women.

          It's too late to change the blog. I have over 90 articles and 800 male email subscribers. I'm going to have to give the people what they want. It's actually better this way. Whenever people ask me more about Brazilian women, I can just direct them to my eBook for sale.

          Thanks again gjabiz
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      • Profile picture of the author DWolfe
        Originally Posted by playawitthepassport View Post


        Especially when it comes to a topic like this. I'm not going to be the sex tourism guy. It's not me in irl, so I definitely don't want that image online..
        Why not create an alias, you can be Don Juan or some other Casanova. You do not need to use your reel name and pretend you have to keep the site "g" Rated.

        Your posts could be about learning Portuguese so you fit in win the lady's and have a nice romantic evening or a thrilling week on vacation with the locals.

        This way your site is about Don Juan, not insert your real name here.

        Just one idea IMO
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        • Profile picture of the author playawitthepassport
          Originally Posted by DWolfe View Post

          Why not create an alias, you can be Don Juan or some other Casanova. You do not need to use your reel name and pretend you have to keep the site "g" Rated.

          Your posts could be about learning Portuguese so you fit in win the lady's and have a nice romantic evening or a thrilling week on vacation with the locals.

          This way your site is about Don Juan, not insert your real name here.

          Just one idea IMO
          My name and face are on the site already. It's not a new blog. Thanks for the comment DWolfe.
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  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    Originally Posted by playawitthepassport View Post

    I run a Brazilian travel blog for men. I just whipped up a new lead magnet last night with one affiliate link in it about learning Portuguese.

    https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_m...w?pref=2&pli=1

    Please. Rip it to shreds so I can improve quickly. I'm spending hours everyday practicing copywriting (and lurking on Warrior Forum) so I can get clients.

    This forum is a true treasure and I've learned a lot over the past couple of weeks. Thanks to everyone who contributes a post to this section.

    You all made me want to become a copywriter
    You've got a LOOONG way to go on this. Too far for anyone on here to address everything you need to work on. To begin with, your headline...


    HOW IMPORTANT IS PORTUGUESE?

    It's not important at all. And yes, that's exactly what your readers think too.

    Reality check...your readers don't give a rip about Portuguese. All they care about is what THEY want. And when it comes to that, you and I both know that if they could get it without going to the trouble of learning a new language, they would.

    They're only interested in what you're offering because there's something they REALLY want, and they KNOW that they absolutely can't get without learning what you (might) be able to teach them.

    So...what is that ^ one thing?

    That's your most important question...which is why gjabiz is right about defining your target market. You need to know that first. Only when you know that can you answer the first question.

    Next, you need to know WHY they want what they want.

    What's the deeper psychological need they're trying to meet?

    Ego?
    Validation?
    Excitement?
    Certainty?
    Comfort?

    They might not even know it themselves, but you'd BETTER know.

    Then, once you know that ^....

    What do they imagine their life will be like once they can get it?

    Find that out. Then, contrast that imagined experience with what their life will be like if they NEVER get it. Make BOTH of those a vivid as hell image in their mind, and lean on that image until their endocrine system becomes a bubbling cauldron of supercharged hormones and little beads of sweat start to pop out on their foreheads.

    Then, TELL them to buy, remove their risk and plant some testimonials on your page...if you have them.

    That ought to keep you busy for about the next year.
    Signature
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    • Profile picture of the author playawitthepassport
      Originally Posted by sethczerepak View Post

      You've got a LOOONG way to go on this. Too far for anyone on here to address everything you need to work on. To begin with, your headline...


      HOW IMPORTANT IS PORTUGUESE?

      It's not important at all. And yes, that's exactly what your readers think too.

      Reality check...your readers don't give a rip about Portuguese. All they care about is what THEY want. And when it comes to that, you and I both know that if they could get it without going to the trouble of learning a new language, they would.

      They're only interested in what you're offering because there's something they REALLY want, and they KNOW that they absolutely can't get without learning what you (might) be able to teach them.

      So...what is that ^ one thing?

      That's your most important question...which is why gjabiz is right about defining your target market. You need to know that first. Only when you know that can you answer the first question.

      Next, you need to know WHY they want what they want.

      What's the deeper psychological need they're trying to meet?

      Ego?
      Validation?
      Excitement?
      Certainty?
      Comfort?

      They might not even know it themselves, but you'd BETTER know.

      Then, once you know that ^....

      What do they imagine their life will be like once they can get it?

      Find that out. Then, contrast that imagined experience with what their life will be like if they NEVER get it. Make BOTH of those a vivid as hell image in their mind, and lean on that image until their endocrine system becomes a bubbling cauldron of supercharged hormones and little beads of sweat start to pop out on their foreheads.

      Then, TELL them to buy, remove their risk and plant some testimonials on your page...if you have them.

      That ought to keep you busy for about the next year.
      lol I don't have that much time to make this site profitable....I'll get busy tonight. The only thing I've done right so far is building a solid readership that likes me and asks how they can support.Thanks for the comment and ideas sethczerepak.
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