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May I borrow your expertise for 5 minutes?

by Juan Jose
6 replies
Fellow warriors,

Sure you know that when you get things done by yourself, you feel like the need of a third party opinion before going live, or anxiety and remorse will eat you from the inside.

Long story short, I'm up to launch a service on the 'Website Security' niche. I want to get as many comments as possible about my self-made sales letter.

Your opinion is very valuable. You have the right to be honest, descriptive, tough, whatever it takes to express what you feel about this piece of sales copy, everything between the forum guidelines, of course.

Here's the link to the sales letter:

[WordPress Users] Get The Peace Of Mind That You Deserve...

Thanks for taking the time and helping out a fellow warrior!!

Kind Regards,

- Juan José Machado
#borrow #expertise #minutes
  • Profile picture of the author DKCopywriter
    It's a pretty good start. Here are a couple changes/additions I would recommend:

    1. I'd get rid of the definition of hackers. Everyone knows what that is. If they don't, they probably don't run a website.

    2. I'd change the order of things. As it is right now, your order is: problem, solution, problem, solution. You talk about how his clients and prospects get redirected to the porn site, then you fix it, then you talk about the issues that arise when hacking occurs, then you list your services and put up the order page. It just needs a little reorganizing.

    3. Why do you only have availability for 3 accounts at this time? If you're saying that to entice people, then I'd change the offer and offer a discounted price PLUS a guarantee.

    4. Speaking of discounted prices, what is the price? You have an order button, but no price up.

    5. You list the features, but not the benefits. "Media Files Defense" is good, but something like "Protection and Backup for All Media Files" paints a better picture..
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  • Profile picture of the author Juan Jose
    Hey, DK!

    Thanks for your honest checklist.

    1. I'll consider changing this to something suitable or remove it completely!!

    2. I felt myself like this one was not fitting at all. However, this is the result of reading past tips talking about leaving the 'sense' of solution too long to reach.

    3. It's just a test number. I'm going to make it available for a higher number of people on your recommendation. Now, what kind of guarantee may I offer for this kind of service?.

    4. I'll definetely show up the price.

    5. Gonna take this into account, for sure. I think is better to make clear what's in it for the buyer.

    Once again, thanks for taking the time. You rock!

    Regards,

    - Juan José
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  • Profile picture of the author Sean DeSilva
    I bet you could get better readership using a benefit headline with implied proofing.

    32,000 webmasters and 0 hacks later, it's safe to say you MUST try this hack-proofing strategy!
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    Ad Agency Copywriters Sell MORE. Need a shot of extra sales? I specialize in high converting sales pages, Clickbank offers, and product launch email sequences. (Click here to learn more).
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  • Profile picture of the author Juan Jose
    Hey there, Sean!

    Thanks for stoping by.

    You are totally right!! I'm going to take your advice into serious account, since title has got to be an opener. If people miss it, it will be harder for them to read the rest.

    Once again, thank you very much for taking the time.

    Regards,

    - Juan José Machado
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  • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
    I don't have any expertise. But I do have a passable understanding of the basics, so that'll have to do:

    I don't know what you're selling or what it does.

    I assume it's some sort of software, but the first P.S. makes me think it might be a service.
    Signature

    Andrew Gould

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  • Profile picture of the author Juan Jose
    Hello, Andrew!

    Thanks for your comment.

    With expertise I meant knowledge. You may call it basic but you have it, which is the most important thing I think!

    In fact, what's being offered is a service. Based on your opinion, I think I will modify a bit the letter to make it more clear that is all about a service.

    Once again, thanks for taking the time!

    Regards,

    - Juan José Machado
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