Starting to freelance. Critique?

2 replies
I recently joined the forums, and I've enjoyed going through and seeing the wealth of wisdom and expertise here. Seems like a really great community.

I've been working as a copywriter for 5 years (agency work), and I'm looking to try to build a small freelance client base on the side. I've written a quick landing page for my website, and I wanted to see what everyone thinks about it. Any feedback is welcome.

Also, I know this is something that has been addressed multiple times, but if you have any advice for finding clients, please share. Thanks! Here's the copy:

Headline: Not all words are created equal.
Subhead: And if you care about conversions, you'll find the right words.

Body copy:

Products don't sell. Words do.

Finding the right words is one of the best things you can do to secure more business. Unfortunately (for them), many of your competitors think that just anyone can find those words with Microsoft Word and time to spare.

But not you. You know that great copy solves a problem. It connects with customers. And most of all, it inspires action. And you're looking for someone you can count on to consistently find the words you need to get ahead. Someone who has fought tight deadlines, spent time in the trenches, and delivered tangible results.

Here he is. I've worked for clients ranging from multinational companies to one-man start-ups, and I know what it takes to write copy that makes a difference.

So let's find the right words for you. Take a look at my portfolio and send me an email at*XXXXXX@gmail.com*with project requests.
#critique #freelance #starting
  • Profile picture of the author gjabiz
    Originally Posted by CopyMachine View Post

    I recently joined the forums, and I've enjoyed going through and seeing the wealth of wisdom and expertise here. Seems like a really great community.

    I've been working as a copywriter for 5 years (agency work), and I'm looking to try to build a small freelance client base on the side. I've written a quick landing page for my website, and I wanted to see what everyone thinks about it. Any feedback is welcome.

    Also, I know this is something that has been addressed multiple times, but if you have any advice for finding clients, please share. Thanks! Here's the copy:

    Headline: Not all words are created equal.
    Subhead: And if you care about conversions, you'll find the right words.

    Body copy:

    Products don't sell. Words do.

    Finding the right words is one of the best things you can do to secure more business. Unfortunately (for them), many of your competitors think that just anyone can find those words with Microsoft Word and time to spare.

    But not you. You know that great copy solves a problem. It connects with customers. And most of all, it inspires action. And you're looking for someone you can count on to consistently find the words you need to get ahead. Someone who has fought tight deadlines, spent time in the trenches, and delivered tangible results.

    Here he is. I've worked for clients ranging from multinational companies to one-man start-ups, and I know what it takes to write copy that makes a difference.

    So let's find the right words for you. Take a look at my portfolio and send me an email at*XXXXXX@gmail.com*with project requests.
    How will you drive traffic to this site? What keywords will you use?

    How will a potential client find you?

    Answer those first, BECAUSE...

    when you know what the traffic is looking for, then you can talk directly to them.

    Say I'm a product developer, you tell me first thing

    Products don't sell....I'm gone, back button or close the tab, cause I know otherwise. Listen, if products didn't sell, there would be no need for a Trillion dollar R&D (Research and Development) marketplace. Of course products sell.

    Conversions is IM lingo, how about sales? Get more sales by using better words. What are the better words? blah, blah and more blah.

    You offer no compelling reason to even read past your headline or subhead.

    My critique is, YOU can do better than this.

    Offer up a benefit, don't tell me what my competitors do or don't do, cause you really don't know, do you? You don't know what I know or don't...too many assumptions.

    Tell me why WORDS are important to MY business.
    Tell me why you have the right words to use.
    Show Proof.
    Tell me the next action to take.

    As for new clients, tell them the next step to take. Maybe offer a FREE evaluation or appraisal of their current "WORDS".

    But BEGIN with where and who, who is going to be reading this and where will they come from. So, now you have one critique, OK?

    gjabiz
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    • Profile picture of the author CopyMachine
      Originally Posted by gjabiz View Post

      How will you drive traffic to this site? What keywords will you use?

      How will a potential client find you?

      Answer those first, BECAUSE...

      when you know what the traffic is looking for, then you can talk directly to them.

      Say I'm a product developer, you tell me first thing

      Products don't sell....I'm gone, back button or close the tab, cause I know otherwise. Listen, if products didn't sell, there would be no need for a Trillion dollar R&D (Research and Development) marketplace. Of course products sell.

      Conversions is IM lingo, how about sales? Get more sales by using better words. What are the better words? blah, blah and more blah.

      You offer no compelling reason to even read past your headline or subhead.

      My critique is, YOU can do better than this.

      Offer up a benefit, don't tell me what my competitors do or don't do, cause you really don't know, do you? You don't know what I know or don't...too many assumptions.

      Tell me why WORDS are important to MY business.
      Tell me why you have the right words to use.
      Show Proof.
      Tell me the next action to take.

      As for new clients, tell them the next step to take. Maybe offer a FREE evaluation or appraisal of their current "WORDS".

      But BEGIN with where and who, who is going to be reading this and where will they come from. So, now you have one critique, OK?

      gjabiz
      Thanks for the feedback! Right now, this is simply a cover letter for a portfolio. Something that I can pass on to contacts I've already been in touch with, not something that's searchable from Google. As I mentioned, I work for an agency--we're allowed to freelance, no non-compete clause, but I'm still trying to be tactful with that relationship. Just for context.

      Thanks again for the feedback. I'm accustomed to the crutch of having a creative brief...I've never needed to sell my own services before. I think the biggest issue is that I'm throwing out too wide a net. I'm trying to position myself to write any kind of copy (web/SEO, email, direct mail, etc.), but maybe I need to narrow that down.
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