John Thornhill recommended asking you for a Critique!

I felt I was sitting in a new trendy bar where you had firmly decided on your taste of decor - you certainly wanted to be different - and were giving a very enthusiastic pitch on your "product."

I was doing my best to listen but the music was so loud and you kept buying everyone triple shots of tequila's and double single malt whisky's.

My head was spinning I was still trying to concentrate but it was all way too much and I ended up falling off my chair wondering if my drinks had been spiked with some hallucinogenic substances.

I appreciate the hospitality but could you start again, sober everything up, lighten the colours, calm down, and just tell the story.


Steve

I won't comment on the design... except to say it's terrible.

The headline didn't grab me... and I want raving fans just as much as the next guy. I think there's a disconnect... software is going to get me raving fans? It just didn't compute.

(Later in the sales letter you explain that it's chat software, and that does make sense... but if I hadn't been critiquing it, I wouldn't have read past the headline.)

Alex

I think this is an incredible display of creativity and you should be congratulated and commended.

The people who criticize this based upon "that's is not how it's done", don't get the breakthroughs you are sure to get.

Again, congratulations and I hope it converts for you!

You put up a sales page so laughably inept I assumed you were trolling, get a diplomatic reply from one of the nicest guys on the forum, and then try to play the victim.

Pathetic.

Try a nice, clean design like this...

https://www.freshpressedoliveoil.com/

Except, don't use green... you're not selling olive oil. Use whatever color is most associated with software.

Alex

Kallie,

It's a wild guess but by using the power of elimination of the names you mentioned I think you were referring to me (on thread 1).

I'm sorry if my UK "metaphorical" humor offended you.

Provocation and sexism were never intended.

Anyway...I didn't even mention the graphic of you wearing the tightest wonder woman outfit I have ever seen.

Even though it was very alluring.

(Steve? yes? she's gonna hate that humor as well).

Again say you're sorry and move on.

Sorry…and good luck.


Steve

Hello Kallie,

You evidently haven't met Angie or Marcia yet. They are well respected tough as nails females and will kick your ass with brute force language

AND 99.99999% of the time, they are dead on with their, IN-YOUR-FACE critique.

Will you call them sexist? or whimper to them how you were spoken too?

When you come to an open forum, looking for FREE, hat-in-hand, woe is me, advice you open yourself up to ALL input.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

As my hard core, chain smoking, whiskey drinken, biker mother would say, "Suck it up, Walk it off, and Grow a Thick Hide, cause there is more where that came from!!!""

I saw your web in the morning but forgot to pass on my views.

Well, Kallie, if you are looking for some buttery sleezy oily advises that puts you in a fool's paradise -- this is not the right place. You should be ready for some real tough love before asking for critiques here.

As other have mentioned, the design is horrible. At first glance, it looks like nothing but scam or spam or whatever.
This design might have worked 20 years back (I doubt that even).

I couldn't read all of your copy (the colors were pissing me off), but I think your copy is still better than your design.

I know it feels terrible to be criticized (when you have really put in your 100%). But believe me, all the above comments (including this one) are the most sincere advises you can get. Nothing to feel bad about. You still have 30 days left. Put the pedal to the metal, and revamp all your stuff!

Good luck!
Thanks
-J

If we were to take our top as in big money making promo (website, vsl, email sequence, sales letter or Ad) to the Annual Copywriting Luminaries Convention (invitation only LA -The Four Seasons October 2106).

Do you know what is likely to happen?

Around 91.57% of the delegates would scoff, mock, jeer and sneer at it.

Can you imagine what they would do with a bad piece of copy?

BUT it doesn't really matter what the pundits think (it's all sooo subjective).

The only thing that counts is the profits we make for the clients.


Steve


P.S. We've all seen dreadful and extraordinary copy make millions - it's usually the stunning stuff that does the best

Hi Kallie,

Can you tell us which group you would like to
get your message in front of...

Those that are using live chat

or those that aren't using live chat?

I ask because a different message is required for each group.

With those already using live chat,
your message becomes how your's solves
a pre existing problem the users are facing.

For your non live chat users, your message becomes
solving a lack of sales from their websites.

Even better, use case studies of websites that match your audience
[say fashion retailers]. Look for case studies of the problem faced,
what they tried to overcome it, what was the aha moment and then what
life is like with the breakthrough.

There is also a trick that matches how people make buying decisions...
know this so the buyer thinks it's his idea to buy
rather than feel it was forced upon him.

You do this in a unbiased way by laying out all the alternatives
to solving this ONE problem he has.

Then you proceed to show they all fall short on a small point.

This sets up you'rs as the only viable solution,
while the buyer thinks it's his idea your's is the right one for him.

This is rare today because so much is seen as self serving
sales messaging, whereas done the way I laid out, you are seen as the most
valuable in your marketplace.

I set this up for a new web design firm who had no experience in web design, had entrenched players with who's who of clients and samples coming out of the wazoo...
get 25k worth of clients in 3 days of going live.

Best,
Ewen

Honey, you better put on your big girl panties if you plan to last long in a STILL male-dominated industry. There are a lot of ladies now entering the marketing space, but they don't have time to get offended at criticisms they solicited.

You got what you asked for. It wasn't what you wanted to hear. It stings, I know.

Do whatever you gotta do - cry, scream, punch things.

Rip that piece up and start over and LEARN something for Pete's sake.

As was mentioned plenty of times in the forum - the only end result is dollars in the bank. If you're bringing it here for free critiques and not investing in one-on-one help, I'm speculating that dollars in the bank isn't happening on this promo just yet.

Maybe....JUST MAYBE...considering a different perspective might reverse that?

Hearing what you don't want to hear isn't fun for anyone.

But it's often necessary.

And there's something to be learned. So take what you need and ignore the rest.

But don't look down your nose at what you asked for.