Which of these "headlines" is more compelling?

by MartinW12 35 replies
Hello,

I am looking at having one of these 3 headlines on my web page and I wondered which you guys thought was more compelling, or whether you had any suggestions for something along those lines which is better?

#1 = The most rewarding way to shop online. Period.

#2 = The smartest and most rewarding way to shop online. Period.

#3 = The biggest reward by far when you shop online. Period.

Thanks, look forward to hearing your thoughts ...

Martin
#copywriting #compelling #headlines
Avatar of Unregistered
  • Profile picture of the author cynthiaSEL
    Originally Posted by MartinW12 View Post

    #2 = The smartest and most rewarding way to shop online. Period.
    I'd pick this one for me. However, you might want to test all three of them for your target audience. That way you'd find out which one connects with the people you're interested in working with.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11016919].message }}
    Signature

    By the way, if you're struggling with your online business and you just need a pick me up click here: http://www.persistentgrowth.com/wf

  • Profile picture of the author Michael Meaney
    Originally Posted by MartinW12 View Post


    #1 = The most rewarding way to shop online. Period.

    #2 = The smartest and most rewarding way to shop online. Period.

    #3 = The biggest reward by far when you shop online. Period.

    Martin
    Rewarding?

    What does that mean to your customer?

    Be specific. Slap them in the face with it.

    Anyway, our opinions here are meaningless Martin. As already suggested, you need to spit test things, and go where the data leads you.

    One of the worst things you can do to your business is to listen to advice from people on forums.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11016967].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Brent Stangel
    #2 = The smartest and most rewarding way to shop online. Period.
    I would lose the "Period."
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11016972].message }}
    Signature
    Instant WordPress Website! Perfect Solution For Beginners!
    Try Our Drag & Drop Website Builder For WordPress - Get Started Right Now!
  • Profile picture of the author TrickyDick
    Originally Posted by MartinW12 View Post

    Hello,

    I am looking at having one of these 3 headlines on my web page and I wondered which you guys thought was more compelling, or whether you had any suggestions for something along those lines which is better?

    #1 = The most rewarding way to shop online. Period.

    #2 = The smartest and most rewarding way to shop online. Period.

    #3 = The biggest reward by far when you shop online. Period.

    Thanks, look forward to hearing your thoughts ...

    Martin
    Here is one off the top of my head...

    Shop more. Save more.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11016982].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author BigFrank
      Banned
      [DELETED]
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11016984].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author BigFrank
    Banned
    Shop here. Save big!

    Frank
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11016985].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Steve L
    Originally Posted by MartinW12 View Post

    Hello,

    I am looking at having one of these 3 headlines on my web page and I wondered which you guys thought was more compelling, or whether you had any suggestions for something along those lines which is better?

    #1 = The most rewarding way to shop online. Period.

    #2 = The smartest and most rewarding way to shop online. Period.

    #3 = The biggest reward by far when you shop online. Period.

    Thanks, look forward to hearing your thoughts ...

    Martin
    I'd try poking the pain point your trying to solve for the visitor in the headline. I also like specific headlines or testimonials for headlines.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11016986].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author ChrisBa
    What is the end goal?

    Can you split test between the three to see what gives you the best results?
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11017000].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Jamel Hassell
    Take the guessing out of the equation and use co-schedule headline analyzer
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11017001].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Karomaz
    try to use a technic called "common enemy", use this formula: REVEALD: The ultimate secret to have (what they dream to have) without (what they don't want to do) that (the biggest industries in this niche) dont want you to know

    for example: The ultimate secret to have the fitness body that people are only dreaming to have without going to the gym that fitness industrie don't want you to know

    Also don't forget to split test it

    Good luck
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11017025].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Zeus100
      Karomaz has got it with concentrating on the dream without them going through something they dont want..

      I'm a marketing expert and I charge £125 / hour in Glasgow for marketing consultations but it's hard to suggest the best option without knowing fully what the product is you're offering but in general I would concentrate on the very end reward the customer gets.. so instead of 1. "smart" and 2. "rewarding", break it down to why, i.e. if it's an online clothes shop (which is incidentally one of the hardest markets to crack without a big budget for endorsements), 1. Smart - "Have more money left over"/"spend less than a nice meal out for a nice suit (or whatever you sell) / (if its a high end product) "Invest in your image & make people proud to stand next to you" 2. Rewarding - "feel the excitement signing your name on the postmans line" / "Be a leader, and dress like one"

      So an example headline could be:
      "Be smart & Invest in your image, Leaders always do"
      "A quality meal out next month or a quality image for the year?"
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11017136].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author BigFrank
        Banned
        Originally Posted by Zeus100 View Post

        Karomaz has got it with concentrating on the dream without them going through something they dont want..

        I'm a marketing expert and I charge £125 / hour in Glasgow for marketing consultations but it's hard to suggest the best option without knowing fully what the product is you're offering but in general I would concentrate on the very end reward the customer gets.. so instead of 1. "smart" and 2. "rewarding", break it down to why, i.e. if it's an online clothes shop (which is incidentally one of the hardest markets to crack without a big budget for endorsements), 1. Smart - "Have more money left over"/"spend less than a nice meal out for a nice suit (or whatever you sell) / (if its a high end product) "Invest in your image & make people proud to stand next to you" 2. Rewarding - "feel the excitement signing your name on the postmans line" / "Be a leader, and dress like one"

        So an example headline could be:
        "Be smart & Invest in your image, Leaders always do"
        "A quality meal out next month or a quality image for the year?"
        $125 an hour, ay? I get that's what you charge. The question is, is anyone paying it?

        First rule of copywriting. Less is more!

        Frank
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11017154].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author DGabeNJ
    Number three is too wordy. Number one is nice and concise but I'd split test 1 & 2 to confirm it resonates that way with your demo.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11017150].message }}
    Signature

    HardcoreProfit.com Coach

  • Profile picture of the author btcandme
    #1 = The most rewarding way to shop online. Period.

    short and to the point
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11017159].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Edwin Torres
    Originally Posted by MartinW12 View Post

    Hello,

    I am looking at having one of these 3 headlines on my web page and I wondered which you guys thought was more compelling, or whether you had any suggestions for something along those lines which is better?

    #1 = The most rewarding way to shop online. Period.

    #2 = The smartest and most rewarding way to shop online. Period.

    #3 = The biggest reward by far when you shop online. Period.

    Thanks, look forward to hearing your thoughts ...

    Martin
    Leaning towards #2.

    I would probably eliminate the 'period' as it's a waste of a word. I get your point of using it but it's unnecessary.

    Make sure under your headline you have a subheadline that explains your proposition/USP.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11017175].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author youngmoneymarketing
    Hmm none of those really seem to grab my attention much.. Let's look Ebay's headlines:

    "World's Online Marketplace."
    "Connecting buyers and sellers globally."
    "Whatever it is, you can get it on eBay."
    "Buy it, sell it, love it"
    "Buy it New, Buy it Now"
    "When it's on your mind, it's on eBay"

    Awesome headlines swipes for an online store
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11017254].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author yukon
    Originally Posted by MartinW12 View Post

    Hello,

    I am looking at having one of these 3 headlines on my web page and I wondered which you guys thought was more compelling, or whether you had any suggestions for something along those lines which is better?

    #1 = The most rewarding way to shop online. Period.

    #2 = The smartest and most rewarding way to shop online. Period.

    #3 = The biggest reward by far when you shop online. Period.

    Thanks, look forward to hearing your thoughts ...

    Martin




    Lol, are you seriously going to write period?
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11017265].message }}
    Signature
    We had the technology.
  • Profile picture of the author agmccall
    while one might be better than the others, none of them would make me want to click

    al
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11017465].message }}
    Signature
    If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?~Scott Adams~
  • Profile picture of the author MartinW12
    Thanks for all your replies guys, all very helpful.

    And yes, I will definitely do a bit of split testing.

    In case you're wondering, we are a reward scheme where people get the chance to win massive cash prizes when they shop online via our website, because they are automatically entered into a monthly prize draw each time they make a purchase at a retailer's website. Hence the rewarding I am referring to is financially rewarding more than satisfying.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11017473].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author SARubin
      Originally Posted by MartinW12 View Post

      In case you're wondering, we are a reward scheme where people get the chance to win massive cash prizes when they shop online via our website, because they are automatically entered into a monthly prize draw each time they make a purchase at a retailer's website. Hence the rewarding I am referring to is financially rewarding more than satisfying.
      Honestly, none of your headlines compel me to do anything. They're all pretty standard taglines (seen 'em all, or something similar, a hundred times. What makes you any different?)

      On the other hand... this explanation of "cash rewards just for shopping!" Instantly got my interest.

      Whichever of the headlines you end up using, I suggest you immediately follow it with something like, "starting right now, you can get cash rewards just for shopping! click here for details..."

      Of course, you'll need to polish that up, and test it. But the point here is, slap me in the face with a cash bonus, and you're far more likely to capture my interest.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11017507].message }}
      Signature

      SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Advertising and Marketing Aficionado

      • Profile picture of the author Ventworth Studios
        Made you should try and intriguing your audience by ending it with a questions.

        "Could this be the smartest way to shop online?"

        "Can you actually get rewarded for shopping online?"

        When I'm on youtube I always find myself clicking on video with dumb titles like that, and I can't stop myself from clicking.
        I remember a title called "Did Nasa spend $100 million developing a pen when the Russians used pencils?"
        I wanted to keep scrolling but the title intrigued me so much I had to click.
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11033911].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Princess Balestra
    Gotta agree 'period' is kinda icky.

    I would mebbe run with

    MILK US FOR MAX ONLINE SHOPPING PAYOFF
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11017780].message }}
    Signature

    Lightin' fuses is for blowin' stuff together.

  • Profile picture of the author DABK
    Get paid to shop

    Get paid just for doing your regular shopping

    Because most rewarding is too personal or vague. Yup, both. And, at the same time, entirely false: not shopping at all is far more rewarding than shopping online.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11019831].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author gemmom24
    I agree with ^^^^^.
    "Get paid to shop" says exactly what your service is, offers an obvious benefit and is concrete.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11019873].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
    They ALL trigger bullcrap reaction in the reader.

    Go shop for believable or undeniable proof elements.

    Best,
    Ewen
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11019951].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Diana S
    Try using headline analyzer tools to determine which one is best. A great one I recently found is https://headlines.sharethrough.com/

    However, like several other responders, I would suggest removing the "period" - it has too many connotations unrelated to your sales message.

    I hope this helps!
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11020684].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Pinkysoll
    I'd pick #2.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11022402].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author brookeharper08
    I guess none of these really resonate with me but if I had to choose, I'd go with either #1 or #2. It would be great if you go for shorter more impactful headlines that are real attention grabbers rather than long ones like these that seem a bit too draggy.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11023195].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author mohd jeelan
    statement no:2 in my opinion is the most appealing .
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11023539].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author mohd jeelan
    i would prefer to post my own arouser as follows:
    the most convenient and hassle-free way to bring the product to your home.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11023542].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author jbbryant
    Seems I have seen #1 somewhere before....

    #2 is a bit long

    #3 sounds like a tongue twister that doesn't make any sense

    # 1 is nice by the way, but it's your choice and decision. Test it.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11024220].message }}
    Signature
    http://www.topdollardating.com/ - We pay top dollar for your dating traffic. Register now and earn cash
  • Profile picture of the author Srikanth Reddy P
    For the Executive with Work Left Over Every Day: How
    to shop online smartly without any hustle?.


    Take this above Headline and modify as per your requirements.If you want more of this headlines get a copy of Ultimate sales letter by DEN KENNEDY.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11036169].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author NewEnglandah
    I would go with 1 or 2. I would lose the word "period".
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11042400].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author jessegilbert
    I think maybe 'Intelligent' would be better than smarter. But I like #1 best.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11043682].message }}
    Signature
    WRITE ARTICLES 5X FASTER - ALL THE CONTENT YOU NEED: http://thesaurusgizmo.com/w/try/

  • Profile picture of the author TomAndrews
    Ready for some brutal honesty? (All in good faith, of course, because it's for your own benefit.)

    All of those headlines suck.

    They're not specific enough. In fact, they're not specific at all. And not being specific is one of the cardinal sins of copy.

    What are you selling by the way? Until you tell us this, no one can offer you any worthwhile advice.

    Tom

    PS- Read Breakthrough Advertising by Eugene Schwartz. Costs around $100. And it's hard to find.

    But find it you must. (Can you tell I've just watched Star wars?)

    Anyway, the first 4 chapters will help you come up with amazing headlines, which, by the way, is the most important part of copywriting.

    Why?

    Because if your headline doesn't persuade your ideal prospect to read the rest of your copy, then they're never gonna see your offer...

    Meaning they will never buy.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11049818].message }}
    Signature

    Let's connect on Facebook because it's always good to meet fellow marketers. Send me a friend request: https://www.facebook.com/tom.andrews.7927

  • Profile picture of the author Mohammad Mainuddin
    Banned
    [DELETED]
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11069704].message }}

Trending Topics