Feedback on my Copy is greatly appreciated

by xbcc 2 replies
Hi all,

I would greatly appreciate it if you guys could give me some feedback on my copy. I'm completely new to copywriting. I will be selling a dog costume on a shopify product page and use Facebook ads as traffic source. I've censored some words as to not reveal the product. Thank you!

Here it goes:

''Hey there! It'€™s me, your dog. (title)

I have a little something I'€™ve been wanting to tell you. I really love it when I get to strut around wearing the (censored) Costume you got me recently! It feels so comfortable, so soft and it fits me perfectly! Having (censored) (censored) (censored) makes for a hell of an entertaining (censored), everywhere I go.

I enjoy entertaining you, your friends, family or any other onlooker by wearing the costume, but I secretly enjoy all the attention and love I get from it waaaayyy more. See, everywhere I go I turn heads. I put a smile on people'€™s faces and they think I’m so cute and adorable because of wearing the costume. Well, not only because of the costume of course. I’m handsome and cute without it too you know. They give me so much attention and love that it’s pretty hard to have a bad day.

I know you want me to be happy. So please, have me wear the (censored) Costume more often!''

Hey there! It's me, your dog.
#copywriting #appreciated #copy #feedback #greatly
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  • Profile picture of the author Evan D
    Not the direction I would take.

    Think of it from the POV of the person buying the costume.

    Why would she buy it?

    I would venture to guess that the main reason why someone would buy a costume for their dog would be for a family photo or holiday photo...

    If there are a few other reasons I would include them as well...

    But you basically want to explain and describe to the prospect how awesome THEIR life is going to be once they click the buy button and put their dog in the costume.

    Add some pain points in there too...

    "Say Goodbye to Boring Holiday Pictures!"

    "In 20 years, after rover has died gone to puppy heaven, you can look back at these photos and smile as you remember how much joy that little pup brought into your life..."

    Just remember that the person buying this product isn't buying a costume, she is buying a memory or an experience... so sell it.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11032921].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author xbcc
      Thank you! I like the part about the puppy heaven.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[11036783].message }}
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