Sales page help

by Sharon McElwee 7 replies
I want to help someone get great results for their sales pages.

I'll be working on the design (it's horrible) but wanted to get some pros to look over the copy. Personally, I think it's way too long. These are not high-ticket items.

www.bloggingsuccessfully.com/connection

Suggestions? Is this the right forum?

Sharon

P.S. Can you tell I'm new here
#copywriting #page #sales
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  • Could you please explain further?
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  • Profile picture of the author SARubin
    Originally Posted by Sharon McElwee View Post

    I want to help someone get great results for their sales pages.

    I'll be working on the design (it's horrible) but wanted to get some pros to look over the copy. Personally, I think it's way too long. These are not high-ticket items.

    Suggestions? Is this the right forum?

    Sharon

    P.S. Can you tell I'm new here
    Hi Sharon,

    It might be easier to critique the copy, if we could actually see the copy you're talking about?

    Do you have a link to the sales page?
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    "It all boils down to psychology, and numbers"
    SARubin - Direct Response Copywriter / Advertising and Marketing Aficionado
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  • Profile picture of the author Chetr
    In my opinion, as a professional copywriter who gets almost 50% conversions on landing pages, in his sleep , this page has way too much going on:

    1) The opening question is not bad, but then it goes off track from there. Too many features, headlines, testimonials and direct sales offers.
    2) The purpose of a landing page is to collect leads. So one great headline, 3-4 bullet points, and a strong call to action that requires an email opt-in.. That's it.
    3) Once someone opts in, you can send them to a sales page. A sales page needs a lot more copy than you have here. And selling a continuity program with monthly fees....well, that is an art in itself.

    So:

    Talk to your client, and get professional help. Create a landing page and an email sequence that educates, and encourages and sells the offer... Create a proper sales page, and keep marketing it. Create a trial membership, maybe. Depends on how well engaged the tribe is.

    NOTE: if this is a one-page website, which it looks like, then you need some VERY skillful handling to manage the lead gen, and sales functions. Right now you have too many choices (distractions), and perhaps not that well laid out.

    So you are right. Too much copy.

    Hope this helps.

    Copywriter Chet.
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    • Profile picture of the author Sharon McElwee
      Thanks Chet. I'll suggest that to my client, since she doesn't have anything but this one page.

      She's using leadpages so the email collection shouldn't be difficult
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  • Profile picture of the author heaththompson
    Originally Posted by Sharon McElwee View Post

    I want to help someone get great results for their sales pages.

    I'll be working on the design (it's horrible) but wanted to get some pros to look over the copy. Personally, I think it's way too long. These are not high-ticket items.

    www.bloggingsuccessfully.com/connection

    Suggestions? Is this the right forum?

    Sharon

    P.S. Can you tell I'm new here
    Well your page has a lot going for it and like what has already been posted beforehand, less is more. It feels a little like I came here for a snack but got a five-course meal shoved down my throat...whoa...ease back.

    For me, I liked the initial grab line, improve the subheading text, great picture, put your pricing at the bottom - make it clear that you are charging this and not what is deemed intrinsic value. Put the videos near the top and if your client must have so much text then highlight keywords so it is easier to skim read and get the message.

    H
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