What to ask for on the first email?

by GuerrillaIM 9 replies
I am selling mobile website re-designs. I get customers by emailing them out a link to a report that has a list of all the issues with their site.

I keep the email short and conversational and finish with a proposition. Initially I asked if they would like to talk about fixing the problems which worked ok but led to a bit of email tennis.

I changed it to ask if they were interested in me putting together a brief proposal for what I would do to improve their their site. This gave me about the same response rate but people that reply seem to be be quite strong leads as they are expecting a proposal instead of a "chat".

However, I feel both approaches are giving me a fairly low response rate. Both feel pretty weak and I am having to send out a lot of emails to get a positive response.

I have been Googling cold email examples and they all seem to just have some variation of "lets schedule a call" which seems pretty weak.

Can any copywriter provide me some advice on what to ask for or offer on the first email in order to elicit a response that gets me talking with them. Every company I email needs my service but a lot ignore me or just say "no thanks". I know I am missing the right angle here.
#copywriting #email
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  • Profile picture of the author DABK
    You are making a lot of assumptions that don't seem warranted.

    Just because they need to upgrade their site does not mean they want to. Just because you think they need an upgrade does not mean they know it too.

    You seem to assume that the call to action is the issue. You haven't touched on the subject line.

    Or on how many of your messages get delivered into inboxes. (Are you tracking that? )

    Offering a chat to a busy businessman is like offering sand to a man dying of thirst in Sahara.

    If I'm interested in updating my site, good offers are: you get 1000 dollars worth of value for $700.

    To make the offer good from your point of view, you'd add: if you hire me by the end of the week (or some other short term).

    5-page mobile site for $500
    7 page mobile site for $650
    10 page mobile site for $950 (but you get it for $650 if you order by midnight Friday).

    Assuming I want (think I want, think I need) 10 pages, I'd love your offer.

    5 page website for $500
    7 page website for $550
    10 page website for $1000

    makes me think of buying the 7 page one (seems like an awesome value). Assuming I want a mobile site, I'd call you about it.

    Oh, credibility. Maybe it ain't your offer, maybe it's they don't think you can do what you say you can do. Ever looked into that?

    How do you choose them? How do you show them that a mobile site is going to help them (and how much)? That it and your way of doing it will bring value to their lives?

    Originally Posted by GuerrillaIM View Post

    I am selling mobile website re-designs. I get customers by emailing them out a link to a report that has a list of all the issues with their site.

    I keep the email short and conversational and finish with a proposition. Initially I asked if they would like to talk about fixing the problems which worked ok but led to a bit of email tennis.

    I changed it to ask if they were interested in me putting together a brief proposal for what I would do to improve their their site. This gave me about the same response rate but people that reply seem to be be quite strong leads as they are expecting a proposal instead of a "chat".

    However, I feel both approaches are giving me a fairly low response rate. Both feel pretty weak and I am having to send out a lot of emails to get a positive response.

    I have been Googling cold email examples and they all seem to just have some variation of "lets schedule a call" which seems pretty weak.

    Can any copywriter provide me some advice on what to ask for or offer on the first email in order to elicit a response that gets me talking with them. Every company I email needs my service but a lot ignore me or just say "no thanks". I know I am missing the right angle here.
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    • Profile picture of the author GuerrillaIM
      You are making a lot of assumptions that don't seem warranted.

      Just because they need to upgrade their site does not mean they want to. Just because you think they need an upgrade does not mean they know it too.

      You seem to assume that the call to action is the issue. You haven't touched on the subject line.
      That is actually something that I have found a double edged sword. Making the assumption works when it hits but when it misses it definitely aggrevates people.

      I have been doing titles along the lines of "Problems with xyz.com". My open and click through rates are very good and I am closing quality business from this but I am sending a lot of emails. My conversion rate sucks.

      I've had a few people call me up and tell me that they were offended by the fact I pointed out there was problems with their site. One guy said something along the lines of:

      "I get 20 emails like this a day I ignore all of them but I read yours because it said there was a problem with my business. You shouldn't title an email like that!"

      Notice he said "business" not "website". There was obviously an emotional connection there that triggered him. I spent some time talking to him to get to the root of it and he seemed like a nice enough chap but it had created discourse within the company as the website was his responsibility and I addressed the email to his business partner.

      I am not sure how to address this. If I assume they don't know and don't care where is the sale? If someone doesn't want to upgrade their site then should I really be styling my copy for them? Shouldn't I focus it on people who are in the market for a re-design? Generally the feedback is friendly

      Offering a chat to a busy businessman is like offering sand to a man dying of thirst in Sahara.

      If I'm interested in updating my site, good offers are: you get 1000 dollars worth of value for $700.
      I have tried leading with prices on cold emails and if the price is cheap, like way cheap, then it works but the clients I get are low value and not really the type I go for. The whole battle of the backend sale for me is getting raport with them before we discuss prices. Give prices too early and it's really hard to keep the conversation going long enough to develop rapport. I feel like giving prices without properly assessing what they want also misses the mark and leaves them feeling like you might not really know what they want.

      But I agree that asking for a "chat" is just another way of saying "let me pitch you". I need a better CTA/hook hence why I came here.


      Oh, credibility. Maybe it ain't your offer, maybe it's they don't think you can do what you say you can do. Ever looked into that?
      What is a good way to establish credability on a cold email?
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  • Profile picture of the author yuvrajsinhspaceo
    Your question is itself self-explanatory. Ain't it?

    You don't ASK people to buy your product at first. That's it.

    Please DO communicate.

    Make a bond.

    Then, try to help them to solve their problems(with your service).
    Signature

    Yuvrajsinh is a Growth Strategist at Space-O Technologies.

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  • Profile picture of the author shim333
    Welcome mail, introduce yourself, give them gift
    First rule - first give then after sell
    Signature
    For only $7 get LIFETIME access to 2000 products in 50+ niches - you can sell and keep 100% profits Testimonial: "this is one of the rare WSO's that is actually a bargain! Well done to Shim for offering this at a good price that should entice everyone.Should you buy this WSO... Simply YES!
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  • I totally agree with the "give first" approach.

    Here's what I would do: Write an 500- word article that explains the mistakes marketers make when creating a mobile site. Also educate the reader about the issue that many people use their phones/tablets to access/review websites. I've heard upwards of 70%.

    In your article, explain how the mistake could be costing them business.

    Then, write an email using following subject line:

    "The biggest mistake mobile-friendly website marketers make"

    The email is short ...explains that many marketers THINK they have an effective mobile site when, in reality, they don't.

    Then, put the link in the email along with a "Get it Here" link.

    This strategy transforms you from peddlar to educator.

    Hope this helps.

    Gerry
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    • Profile picture of the author GuerrillaIM
      The email is short ...explains that many marketers THINK they have an effective mobile site when, in reality, they don't.
      Gerry, you really hit the nail on the head here!

      I have been coming from a very head on angle which is hit or miss. Some people are probably very proud of their sites and me telling them about the problems puts me at odds with a certain percentage. I have had a few conversations and peoples attitude was like I had called their baby ugly. In some cases that resulted in a deal though. Highlighting the pain of all the problems and then showing them an easy solution does work but I want to explore this angle you have suggested.

      I'll give it a go on my next blast and see how it compares.
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  • Profile picture of the author Homewriting
    I actually think the first response from DABK hit the nail on the head the best.
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  • Profile picture of the author daniel27lt
    Always say hi to them to start of with, give them some helpful information to build authority. Let them know how you have helped others in your field. Give away something free to keep them enticed.
    Signature
    Download free PLR products to give away to build your list. Find all the newest and latest IM products in one place.
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  • Profile picture of the author imagetypers
    Well, you should add a statistics (tableau kinda) charts in your email. Detailing out what their competitors are doing and what impact fixing their issues would have.
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