I think I Did a Better Job?

by Intrepreneur

Posted: 15 years ago 8 replies

COPY WRITING

Well I hope I have because I had some advice from a copywriter although it was a very short meeting together.

I also maybe want to become a copywriter. Hmmm

PC Maintenance, Security and Optimization Made Easy - Speed Up Your PC - The PC Longevity Guide

I'll thank all feedback because you all rock!

Mark

#job

netvisao Banned 15 years ago

[DELETED]

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1219196].message }}
J. Barry Mandel 15 years ago

It's far from optimal but its better then what you had

Best of Luck!
- [ 1 ] Thanks
- 1 reply
Signature
>>> WWW.MEDIAPUBLICITYGENERATOR.COM

ATTENTION AFFILIATES: Earn Earn Commissions On Monthly Subscriptions Up To $597 Per Month PLUS Tiered Commissions On Overrides & 4-Figure Affiliate Bonuses!!
{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1219318].message }}
- David Babineau 15 years ago
  
  Hi there,
  
  Overall looks good.. Here's a bit of feedback:
  
  -Pre-head- highlight "warning" and add colon: --> Warning: The Internet..
  
  - Headline: changed a few spelling mistakes and made a few suggestions...
  
  You're About To Discover The ONLY Proven Way To Boost Your Computer's Performance For Good... And Finally Enjoy The Fast Computer You've Always Wanted!
  
  -If you can, add a photo of yourself with your signature
  
  -I would personally mention the bonuses before the PS. (although you can certainly re-state them there.)
  
  - You do try to create a bit of urgency but I would enhance that if you can.
  
  - Talk about all the time and money it took you to develop this product if you can..
  
  - In the "Why You Should Listen TO Me" section I swould state right off the bat your credentials (I've been in computer... for X years ... etc).
  
  Besides that the letter has a lot of good elements in it and I really like the box taht says "Your testimonial here"..
  
  Good Luck!
  David
  
  [ 2 ] Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1219454].message }}
  
  SamKane 15 years ago
  
  I'll comment on just the headline....
  
  "Boosting Your Computers Performance" sounds a bit boring.
  
  What does that mean? Will it be ten-times faster? I think it needs
  a more specific benefit.
  
  Like:
  
  "Little-Known Tweaks That Increase The Speed of
  Your Computer By 500%"
  
  "A Computer Geeks Secrets To Defending Your Computer Against the Number#1 Threat To Its
  Performance"
  
  "Why Haven't Computer Owners Been Told These Facts?"
  
  " The 2009 Top Ten Methods To Turn Your Slow
  Infected Computer Into A Fast Super Computer
  With An Impenetrable Defense System -- The Same
  Methods Used By the Underground Computer Geniuses..."
  
  "The Little-Black Book That Turns Your Slow
  Infected Computer Into a Super-Fast Computing
  Machine...Without Buying a Single Piece of Software...
  
  Sam Kane
  
  [ 1 ] Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
  These 2 "Weird" Magic Words Can Help You Achieve ANYTHING You Want... Instantly! (Not safe for work or around kids)
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1219526].message }}
  
  Alexa Smith Banned 15 years ago
  
  [DELETED]
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1221329].message }}
  
  Intrepreneur 15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Alexa Smith
  
  Will look through more carefully when time permits. But this whole layout of the page is tremendous compared with the earlier version.
  
  God the things you don't notice even when you're looking very hard for it.
  
  Thanks alexa.
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  SEO, copywriting and backlinks service UK
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1221445].message }}
  
  Sy Heart 15 years ago
  
  I was moved and persuaded to buy it. I wish I had seen the pre-versions. I'll stick around though.
  
  Originally Posted by Paul McQuillan
  
  Sorry Mark, I always wanted to use the dragon ass joke somewhere
  
  I'm glad you were able to execute it.
  
  Thanks
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1221897].message }}
  
  Intrepreneur 15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by SamKane
  
  "The Little-Black Book That Turns Your Slow
  Infected Computer Into a Super-Fast Computing
  Machine...Without Buying a Single Piece of Software...
  
  Sam Kane
  
  That's given me an idea for later.
  
  Thanks for this.
  
  Mark
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  SEO, copywriting and backlinks service UK
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1221443].message }}