Please Checkout my Ad Copy for Local Direct Mailer

Like Paul said, I too would not target two sets of prospects
with the same ad.

And then, the ad should be focussed more on "what" than
on "how".

At this point, the main function of the ad is just to get
the reader to view the website or send back the coupon.

How you do it can be revealed in the subsequent stages
of your marketing.

In fact, you could evoke curiosity by not revealing the how part,
and telling them that you disclose how on your website
or when they mail the coupon.


Hope that helps,

Dean.


[

The two headlines can be misleading. When I first read it, I thought it was actually part of the same sentence seeparated by a logo!

Perhaps you can be more specific on the business owners side. By size, or industry, or tech experience. From the list, I see features, not benefits. And from experience, I doubt most business owners knows what these offerings can do for them. Perhaps a small one-line description after each explaining how?

Example: Premium Graphic Design (have your website reflect your business' brand).

If you decide to expand on the 'Regular people', I find that label being too broad. Can you specify your market more? A headline along the lines of: "Does Online Trading Tech Talk put you off? Learn in simple English how you can benefit from this latest craze!!!"

Hope this helps, Skorpion.


Best regards,

Aldric

Thanks guys. I talked to my friend and I am going to do two separate ads. One on th front cover and one on the back of his book.

Im finishing up the ads right now based on your replys. Not sure if Ill have time to re upload as these need to get emailed like yesterday to go to the print shop!

well I just sent the ads out. For what its worth, here is what I came up with:

I'm glad you decided to go with two separate ads... IMHO, as a business owner, seeing that "Be your own boss" stuff instantly loses ALL of your credibility with me - it'd be filed in the "round bin" right away.

Why? It gives me the impression that YOU learned this stuff from some "make millions in your undies" late night TV guy, which means you probably don't have a bleeding clue what my business needs to succeed.

So good call.

With the new ads, a few points...

1. Your checkmarks are backwards, and obviously done in MS paint. I'm a very visual person, so this is a credibility issue for me - if you can't afford professional graphics, why should I trust you with my business?

2. The first bullet doesn't read right on the business ad... I would have chosen something more like "Custom Websites : Stop chasing customers... Let THEM find YOU!" - much more benefit oriented, and it reads much better.

3. I don't get the girl thing... Why is she there? Is that you? Not all business owners are male, and heres an inside tip - even if the business owner is male, he might have a wife.

If he IS married, 90% chance she has some say in the business. Would YOUR wife hire a business service from a flier with some hot chick on it? Would she say something along the lines of "Well I know what attracted you to THEIR ad..."? Exactly. Relevant images are one of the key aspects of advertising like this. Miss the images, and potentially miss your market altogether...

Plus, your logo is clearly photoshopped onto her breasts - so its not even a hot chick you KNOW. LOL

Other than that... The color scheme doesn't catch me, but that's up to testing now I suppose. Looks pretty good - I wish you the best of luck with it!

- Cherilyn

Thanks for all your comments guys and gals. We'll see what happens with the response rate. I kind of designed these on a last minute whim at 4am so whatever we have here is just 'what came to me'.

Ive got another mailing going out to two times the amount of homes in a few weeks so I may try some different ads...

As far as the girl...I was going for the godaddy look. Not sure why, just felt right.

Thanks!