My first thread! Rate my copy (please!)
Hi there! Very excited to be creating my first thread here on the Warrior Forum.
I'm only a few months into this whole internet marketing thing. I've done all the research and decided that my focus is going to be: Creating info products! Yay, good for me.
I'm familiar with the health niche, so that's going to be my first venture. I'm one of those lucky people that can just sit and come up with content for hours and hours and hours...but I need help marketing it.
I haven't found any real resources for copywriting, so basically what I do is just look at sales copy and adapt it for my own product. But still, I want some feedback on what I've been doing.
For this product, I want to go with a video sales letter because:
1) Its faster to produce
2) Easier to produce
3) Gets the point across faster
4) I don't want to learn to make all the graphics etc that you have to do with copywriting
However, while I'm recording the video/audio I thought I'd post a copy of what I've written so far to get some feedback.
So, GIVE ME FEEDBACK! Thanks!
-lp
PS. After thinking, I have some specific questions that I hope you guys can answer.
1. What do you think about video vs text sales letters? Combination?
2. How can I improve the formatting of the copy? I try not to use too much bold or italics, but sometimes I feel like I don't use enough.
3. Paragraph size too large or small?
4. Is this grabbing enough?
5. Is the copy too long or too short?
6. What about the headlines?
7. The bullet points at the top? should I explain each one in a few sentences?
8. How can I improve my "about me" paragraph?
that's it for now... thanks for your cooperation!
-lp
---------------------------------------------------
The following are some options for headlines. What do you think?
Headline: Certified Personal Trainer reveals secret fat burning techniques designed for lazy people.
Certified personal trainer with ten years experience discovers secret fat burning technique to shred pounds!
Attention: Discover how to have the body you want while spending 12 hours per day playing World of Warcraft.
Attention: Discover how easy it is to look great in no time at all.
Experience personal trainer reveals new techniques for 100% natural weight loss
Couch potato discovers powerful secret to losing weight the healthy way.
---------------------------------------------------------
Congratulations on watching this video of the Internet Caveman Diet. If you answer "yes" to any of the following questions, then this program is for you:
Not too long ago, I returned from a business trip that went sour. I had traveled to Europe to do some business with an associate of mine, but for one reason or another, the deal fell through. The details are not important to the story, suffice to say that when I returned, I found myself in dire financial straits. Preserving my expensive lifestyle was out of the question, so I resolved to save what I could. For the next two months, I worked 15 hour days, seven days a week. Most of that time was spent in front of a computer.
For those of you who know me, you know that I lead a physically active life. I've been working out since I was 15 years old and have been a certified personal trainer with ISSA since I was 20. I like to work out, but because I had to work frantically to recover my finances, I only let myself do THE BARE MINIMUM amount of work necessary to be in the shape I wanted.
Because of the changes that I made to my workouts during those two months, I saved HOURS per week which I then invested into work. I didn't know it at the time, but I had discovered a method of diet and exercise that would change my life and the lives of others.
Following the Internet Caveman Diet will separate you from 80% of the rest of people who dabble in fad diets, skip meals, and waste their time in the weight room. Let's start with the first question, which is whether or not you should even use a weight loss program.
If you think about it, every athlete, movie star or fitness professional has a detailed weight loss program. For example, Jessica Alba. If she gets a call for a part in a movie, She doesn't just show up at the set, does she? No. She spends time every day, training with a personal trainer. She eats the right foods and does the right exercises, and THAT'S how she's able to look so good to us when she gets in front of the camera.
I'm sure you've noticed this confidence when you watch fit, healthy people. All of us have felt moments of jealousy when we see one of our genetically gifted friends pig out on a Big Mac, fries and a shake, gaining NO weight while we eat a salad and somehow get fatter. Did you ever stop to think that by following a regular exercise and diet program, you would be able to mimic your genetically gifted friend's appearance AND eating habits?
You have to remember, that over 80% of success with staying in shape is your enthusiasm for getting results, and the best way to achieve this is to concentrate on taking action, rather than trying to figure out the BEST way to do something.
Here are some reasons for following a regular exercise plan:
1. The more closely you follow a training and diet regimen, the better you will look. How many times have you seen someone, supposedly dedicated to working out, cheat on their diet and slack off when they should be in the gym? Have you ever noticed how each time they talk about their weight, they sound less and less sure that they're headed towards their goals? Sometimes you wonder if they're even trying at all! The less dedicated you are, the less control you have over the direction of your health, the less healthy you'll feel and look, and the more you'll begin to look like the other 90% of out of shape people.
If you enjoy being out of shape then you can go on with your lazy plan, but if you want to look so good that people routinely stop you on the street and ask you what your "secret" is, then you'll have to start taking your health more seriously. And that will only happen by following a regimented training and diet plan. If you're not already doing this, or if you did once upon a time but stopped, then you MUST start using a plan TODAY.
2. Another useful reason to use an exercise plan is that it will give you information necessary to achieving your goals. How many times have you started a diet, maybe even gotten to the gym, only to wander around lost because you didn't know where to go from there? The problem was that you didn't have the right information. Do you know how to target the right muscles? Do you know how to kickstart your body's fat burning mechanism? Do you know what foods to stay away from, or worse, which foods masquerade as health foods but will really make you fatter than ever? These and many other important questions are rarely asked because when you are not following a program, you are too busy trying to think of what to do and so you forget to do what is really important.
But the real problem comes when you go to the gym, because that is when you pay the price for not getting this information in the first place. Have you ever gone to the gym, only to waste half an hour wandering around, unsure of what to do? Or maybe, dedspite the fact that you spent an hour in the gym, you still feel like you didn't work out hard enough to do anything? Or even working out too hard, injuring yourself. Frustrating, isn't it? If these things have happened to you, then its time you started to stick to a training program so that when it does come time to work out, you can be sure that you know exactly what to do to look the way you want and haven't left things out that will bite you in the but later on.
3. A training and diet plan will also allow you to remain in control of your health because you won't be wondering what to do next. Instead of wasting time by not doing anything, you will move confidently from one exercise to the next, knowing that you're on the right track and this will help build your reputation which is just another side benefit of staying in shape.
4. But the most important benefit you'll gain from sticking to a training and diet plan, is that you can track the results over time! Again, instead of being lost and not knowing what exercise to do or what food to eat, you will be paying close attention to your body. You will find that if you pay close enough attention, your body will always tell you what you need to do to improve.
This is important. Too many times, while working out, if you're following a specific training program, working the right exercises, you will be amazed at how much you learn about your body. Your body will always tell you what to work, how much to work it, and how often if you simply stick to a basic training and diet program. This way, you will know enough about your body to figure out how to do the exercises better, or if you should change exercises and focus on something else. Either way, wouldn't it be great to know in advance how to spend your time to get the results you want?
5. Following a training and diet regimen makes you more sure of yourself. You will find that working out actually gets easier if you follow a program, because you will have done the exact same exercises so many times that you won't be overwhelmed like you may have been in the beginning. As you spend more and more time in the gym, you will find that there are very few principles you need to familiarize yourself with in the world of fitness. Almost all of the principles are related to listening to your body, and in the course of a single workout you'll learn the same lessons over and over. By following a specific program and each time using the strategies that work, you will be able to learn new exercises and perfect old ones with confidence. You'll get over the hump, the first two weeks of training, that frequently stop the majority of people trying to start a new weight loss program.
6. Finally, by following a weight loss program each time you train, you are perfecting a skill: looking and feeling great! People like to say that practice makes perfect, but I disagree. Only practicing perfection makes perfect. If you are not following a weight loss program when you work out, you are continuing to reinforce bad habits and chances are you are improving slowly, if at all. In fact, you are probably looking worse and worse and wondering what you're doing wrong!
If, on the other hand, you are following a diet and exercise program, then each time you work your body, you are giving yourself a chance to get better. With each time you exercise, you will become stronger and more confident because you are training in a way that works. Training programs also allows you to perfect your form in the weightroom: your posture, breathing, speed, energy, etc. You need to understand that the right way to lose weight, build muscle, stay in shape and look great is all pretty much the same, so doesn't it make sense to practice the habits that work? Of course it does. Its the perfection of these habits that will bring you to the level of fitness you want to achieve and by using a weight loss program, you will get their faster than you can imagine.
Click here to order...
I'm only a few months into this whole internet marketing thing. I've done all the research and decided that my focus is going to be: Creating info products! Yay, good for me.
I'm familiar with the health niche, so that's going to be my first venture. I'm one of those lucky people that can just sit and come up with content for hours and hours and hours...but I need help marketing it.
I haven't found any real resources for copywriting, so basically what I do is just look at sales copy and adapt it for my own product. But still, I want some feedback on what I've been doing.
For this product, I want to go with a video sales letter because:
1) Its faster to produce
2) Easier to produce
3) Gets the point across faster
4) I don't want to learn to make all the graphics etc that you have to do with copywriting
However, while I'm recording the video/audio I thought I'd post a copy of what I've written so far to get some feedback.
So, GIVE ME FEEDBACK! Thanks!
-lp
PS. After thinking, I have some specific questions that I hope you guys can answer.
1. What do you think about video vs text sales letters? Combination?
2. How can I improve the formatting of the copy? I try not to use too much bold or italics, but sometimes I feel like I don't use enough.
3. Paragraph size too large or small?
4. Is this grabbing enough?
5. Is the copy too long or too short?
6. What about the headlines?
7. The bullet points at the top? should I explain each one in a few sentences?
8. How can I improve my "about me" paragraph?
that's it for now... thanks for your cooperation!
-lp
---------------------------------------------------
The following are some options for headlines. What do you think?
Headline: Certified Personal Trainer reveals secret fat burning techniques designed for lazy people.
Certified personal trainer with ten years experience discovers secret fat burning technique to shred pounds!
Attention: Discover how to have the body you want while spending 12 hours per day playing World of Warcraft.
Attention: Discover how easy it is to look great in no time at all.
Experience personal trainer reveals new techniques for 100% natural weight loss
Couch potato discovers powerful secret to losing weight the healthy way.
---------------------------------------------------------
Congratulations on watching this video of the Internet Caveman Diet. If you answer "yes" to any of the following questions, then this program is for you:
- Do you spend hours a day sitting at the computer or office.
- Do You have trouble finding time to devote to exercise.
- Are You're confused about which foods to eat to lose weight.
- Do You know which exercises are the best for fat burning.
- Do You want to start working out and losing weight but don't know where to start.
- can You only devote a small amount of time to exercising.
- Are You're serious about improving your health and physical appearance.
- Are You're sick of being embarassed when you have to take your shirt off in public.
- Are You're sick of people making fun of you for being overweight.
- Are you're looking for an easy to understand, straightforward, step by step plan to get in shape.
Not too long ago, I returned from a business trip that went sour. I had traveled to Europe to do some business with an associate of mine, but for one reason or another, the deal fell through. The details are not important to the story, suffice to say that when I returned, I found myself in dire financial straits. Preserving my expensive lifestyle was out of the question, so I resolved to save what I could. For the next two months, I worked 15 hour days, seven days a week. Most of that time was spent in front of a computer.
For those of you who know me, you know that I lead a physically active life. I've been working out since I was 15 years old and have been a certified personal trainer with ISSA since I was 20. I like to work out, but because I had to work frantically to recover my finances, I only let myself do THE BARE MINIMUM amount of work necessary to be in the shape I wanted.
Because of the changes that I made to my workouts during those two months, I saved HOURS per week which I then invested into work. I didn't know it at the time, but I had discovered a method of diet and exercise that would change my life and the lives of others.
Following the Internet Caveman Diet will separate you from 80% of the rest of people who dabble in fad diets, skip meals, and waste their time in the weight room. Let's start with the first question, which is whether or not you should even use a weight loss program.
If you think about it, every athlete, movie star or fitness professional has a detailed weight loss program. For example, Jessica Alba. If she gets a call for a part in a movie, She doesn't just show up at the set, does she? No. She spends time every day, training with a personal trainer. She eats the right foods and does the right exercises, and THAT'S how she's able to look so good to us when she gets in front of the camera.
I'm sure you've noticed this confidence when you watch fit, healthy people. All of us have felt moments of jealousy when we see one of our genetically gifted friends pig out on a Big Mac, fries and a shake, gaining NO weight while we eat a salad and somehow get fatter. Did you ever stop to think that by following a regular exercise and diet program, you would be able to mimic your genetically gifted friend's appearance AND eating habits?
You have to remember, that over 80% of success with staying in shape is your enthusiasm for getting results, and the best way to achieve this is to concentrate on taking action, rather than trying to figure out the BEST way to do something.
Here are some reasons for following a regular exercise plan:
1. The more closely you follow a training and diet regimen, the better you will look. How many times have you seen someone, supposedly dedicated to working out, cheat on their diet and slack off when they should be in the gym? Have you ever noticed how each time they talk about their weight, they sound less and less sure that they're headed towards their goals? Sometimes you wonder if they're even trying at all! The less dedicated you are, the less control you have over the direction of your health, the less healthy you'll feel and look, and the more you'll begin to look like the other 90% of out of shape people.
If you enjoy being out of shape then you can go on with your lazy plan, but if you want to look so good that people routinely stop you on the street and ask you what your "secret" is, then you'll have to start taking your health more seriously. And that will only happen by following a regimented training and diet plan. If you're not already doing this, or if you did once upon a time but stopped, then you MUST start using a plan TODAY.
2. Another useful reason to use an exercise plan is that it will give you information necessary to achieving your goals. How many times have you started a diet, maybe even gotten to the gym, only to wander around lost because you didn't know where to go from there? The problem was that you didn't have the right information. Do you know how to target the right muscles? Do you know how to kickstart your body's fat burning mechanism? Do you know what foods to stay away from, or worse, which foods masquerade as health foods but will really make you fatter than ever? These and many other important questions are rarely asked because when you are not following a program, you are too busy trying to think of what to do and so you forget to do what is really important.
But the real problem comes when you go to the gym, because that is when you pay the price for not getting this information in the first place. Have you ever gone to the gym, only to waste half an hour wandering around, unsure of what to do? Or maybe, dedspite the fact that you spent an hour in the gym, you still feel like you didn't work out hard enough to do anything? Or even working out too hard, injuring yourself. Frustrating, isn't it? If these things have happened to you, then its time you started to stick to a training program so that when it does come time to work out, you can be sure that you know exactly what to do to look the way you want and haven't left things out that will bite you in the but later on.
3. A training and diet plan will also allow you to remain in control of your health because you won't be wondering what to do next. Instead of wasting time by not doing anything, you will move confidently from one exercise to the next, knowing that you're on the right track and this will help build your reputation which is just another side benefit of staying in shape.
4. But the most important benefit you'll gain from sticking to a training and diet plan, is that you can track the results over time! Again, instead of being lost and not knowing what exercise to do or what food to eat, you will be paying close attention to your body. You will find that if you pay close enough attention, your body will always tell you what you need to do to improve.
This is important. Too many times, while working out, if you're following a specific training program, working the right exercises, you will be amazed at how much you learn about your body. Your body will always tell you what to work, how much to work it, and how often if you simply stick to a basic training and diet program. This way, you will know enough about your body to figure out how to do the exercises better, or if you should change exercises and focus on something else. Either way, wouldn't it be great to know in advance how to spend your time to get the results you want?
5. Following a training and diet regimen makes you more sure of yourself. You will find that working out actually gets easier if you follow a program, because you will have done the exact same exercises so many times that you won't be overwhelmed like you may have been in the beginning. As you spend more and more time in the gym, you will find that there are very few principles you need to familiarize yourself with in the world of fitness. Almost all of the principles are related to listening to your body, and in the course of a single workout you'll learn the same lessons over and over. By following a specific program and each time using the strategies that work, you will be able to learn new exercises and perfect old ones with confidence. You'll get over the hump, the first two weeks of training, that frequently stop the majority of people trying to start a new weight loss program.
6. Finally, by following a weight loss program each time you train, you are perfecting a skill: looking and feeling great! People like to say that practice makes perfect, but I disagree. Only practicing perfection makes perfect. If you are not following a weight loss program when you work out, you are continuing to reinforce bad habits and chances are you are improving slowly, if at all. In fact, you are probably looking worse and worse and wondering what you're doing wrong!
If, on the other hand, you are following a diet and exercise program, then each time you work your body, you are giving yourself a chance to get better. With each time you exercise, you will become stronger and more confident because you are training in a way that works. Training programs also allows you to perfect your form in the weightroom: your posture, breathing, speed, energy, etc. You need to understand that the right way to lose weight, build muscle, stay in shape and look great is all pretty much the same, so doesn't it make sense to practice the habits that work? Of course it does. Its the perfection of these habits that will bring you to the level of fitness you want to achieve and by using a weight loss program, you will get their faster than you can imagine.
Click here to order...
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