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A Different Kind of Sales Copy ahem Test

by DiscoverFuture
10 replies
Hi Warriors.

It's just my 17th day on enhancing the sales copy. Yesterday I showed it to a friend and he said it sucks. It's sacred-seduction dot com.

I want it to be unconventional and had to put emotions, as this is about love and seduction. Does it really suck? Should I revert back to old copyrighting and remove this test?

Ya, there are no testimonials, I'm willing to give away free copies, no not as bribe but to get some real feedback. I don't need anyone's real name or website to be posted, just sincere feedback, I'll change the names. This offer also stands if you want to promote it.


Thanks.
#ahem #copy #kind #sales #sales copy
  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    I'll start off by posting the actual link for you: The Sacred Seduction- Everything about Love & Seduction

    Okay, I think you've got an interesting concept that might have merit but I doubt you'll ever find out if that's true with the page as it stands.

    All the stuff you have in the headline area is sort of weird and doesn't make sense to me. The formatting is pretty peculiar too. I'd say you need to sit down and ask yourself exactly what it is you're trying to accomplish with your header and sub(s) because as they stand the only impression I get is confusion.

    The first paragraph opens with the question, "Don't believe me?" I couldn't make enough sense of the opening stuff to know what I should believe or not believe.

    I think the test format has possibilities but the questions don't make much sense and many of them won't be relevant to many people because your entire premise is vague. I think this whole thing is about people cheating but can't be sure from what you've got.

    Again, take a step back from this project and think about what you want your prospects to do and what message you're trying to project. Just think about it for a day or two. You need a hook or something your prospects will relate to and it isn't there right now. Make some notes but don't do any writing until you've allowed your subconscious to process it.

    As for the writing, I know that you know what you want to communicate but you aren't getting it across. After you've let it simmer in your brain for a day or two you just might find a solid approach to this whole thing forming. If not, you might want to consider getting a copywriter to help you.

    Finally, the formatting is kinda funky, especially up top. Tighten up each of the questions or points you want to make because as they now stand everything runs together and that is what's creating much of the confusion. In the question section get the click boxes lined up so they correspond to the last line in the question. Right now they're just floating out there on the right side of each section, which adds to the confusion. Remember, a confused mind always says no. Good luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author DougBarger
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  • Profile picture of the author DiscoverFuture
    Travlinguy:
    Thank you very much. Your advise is invaluable. I'll let it simmer for a day or two and will come back with a fresh approach.

    Doug:
    That's the kind of headlines I needed. I think these should create the sort of hook Travlinguy suggested.

    Thanks guys. I've just sent you a private message regarding the download.
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  • Profile picture of the author EaglePiServ
    The questionnaire is your main target that you want people to concentrate on. I would hit them with that upfront instead of your current headlines which don't seem to make sense in terms of the product I think you're promoting. The copy starts off as if it's going to promote a "catch your mate cheating"-type product.

    Hit them with a question like DougBarger suggested then take them right into the questionnaire, which is quite good, by the way. This way you get them involved and down a path you can control.

    Cheers
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  • Profile picture of the author Oxbloom
    Knew I didn't have time to give a thorough look yet, so I thought I'd just take a look, start reading, and report to you how far I got before I'd give up as a reader.

    I got less than two sentences into the headline before I had no idea what you were talking about. Maybe "giving Madison" is common lingo to certain demographics, but this 38 y.o. cowboy hasn't got a clue. Stopped reading right there on the assumption that this was some product/service for some particular "hip" or "in" crowd that I'm clearly not part of.

    The lesson: trying to use edgy, fresh lingo alienates potential customers.
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  • Profile picture of the author DiscoverFuture
    Thanks everybody. I've given it a day or so, updated the headlines that DougBarger suggested and voila the whole complexion has changed. Thanks DougBarger. I've made some more changes as well and the website seems to be much better than before.

    Oxbloom I hope now you can now re-visit the website and get past the headlines.
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    • Profile picture of the author Oxbloom
      Originally Posted by DiscoverFuture View Post

      Thanks everybody. I've given it a day or so, updated the headlines that DougBarger suggested and voila the whole complexion has changed. Thanks DougBarger. I've made some more changes as well and the website seems to be much better than before.

      Oxbloom I hope now you can now re-visit the website and get past the headlines.
      For the record, after visiting urbandictionary.com, I still have no idea. Maybe I'm just that dense.:confused:
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  • Profile picture of the author Igor Kheifets
    Hey DiscoverFuture,

    the reason why Classic Direct Response letters are still being used(online and off) is because they work. You don't need to re-invent the wheel in copywriting.

    There are too many people, who invested too many years and did a horrific research on everything there is out there-that you simply don't need to go against the herd...

    Igor
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    • Profile picture of the author Oxbloom
      Originally Posted by igorhelpsyousucceed View Post

      Hey DiscoverFuture,

      the reason why Classic Direct Response letters are still being used(online and off) is because they work. You don't need to re-invent the wheel in copywriting.

      There are too many people, who invested too many years and did a horrific research on everything there is out there-that you simply don't need to go against the herd...

      Igor
      I believe that there are both pluses and minuses to this line of thinking.

      On the one hand, those classic forms and structures have sold over and over again, and have pulled consistently for ages, and are pretty much a slam dunk when it comes to getting your product out the door and your pockets filled.

      On the other, a well written piece of original copy -- although it's harder to write -- is capable of selling just as well. The downside of course is that it's far more likely to bomb, as well. But done well, it has an additional benefit: it can help to brand you. "Two young men...," or "They laughed when I...," or "Who else wants to...," will all sell product. But they aren't going to make you memorable in a marketplace now super-saturated with infinite clones.

      In corporate advertising (as opposed to I.M.), there's a mantra that says, "every piece of communication we create must reflect who we are trying to position ourselves as."

      Is being original the most effective way to sell a single piece of merchandise, once? You can make a good argument that it is not. But there's a whole capitalist history behind the idea that positioning yourself and your product, even as early as that initial contact, can lead to a much richer and more productive downstream.

      Just to be clear: I'm not out-and-out disagreeing with you. But sometimes, reinventing the wheel is a productive marketing strategy, depending on your goals.
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    • Profile picture of the author DiscoverFuture
      Originally Posted by igorhelpsyousucceed View Post

      Hey DiscoverFuture,

      the reason why Classic Direct Response letters are still being used(online and off) is because they work. You don't need to re-invent the wheel in copywriting.

      There are too many people, who invested too many years and did a horrific research on everything there is out there-that you simply don't need to go against the herd...

      Igor
      Thank you Igor. I appreciate your point. That's exactly why I posted the question. I want to go against the herd but not in an inappropriate way.

      I can do some split testing but keeping in view the burden of marketing it may take some time. My point of view is that if we compare any competing website with sacred-seduction as being the end-user what's the impression we get? If it's a no-no then I think I need to change my strategy but if it competes with the other website then I think it's worth a try, isn't it? What's your personal opinion (keeping aside the public mentality for a while)? What's the impression it is giving to you? Does it compel you to buy the book?

      Oxbloom: Did you refresh the page (Ctrl + F5)?
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