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2nd attempt at a PR for WorkoutBOX

by Paul Johnson
5 replies
Hi all,

This is my very first press release and it would be great to have some feedback please.
I've read a few articles on the subject and put together this initial release. I hope it's ok.

OK here goes;

The 'All-You-Can-Eat' Mentality
Is the College Campus Dining Room Contributing to the Obesity Epidemic?

Trainers are swamped with questions from college students concerned about their expanding waistlines. The average freshman gains over 15lbs in weight during their semester. Is poor cafeteria food to blame for the fast-growing obesity levels in 18 to 29 year olds?

Turmoil among students that the so-called 'freshman 15' is caused by the fact that campus cafeterias make high fat, high sugar and high salt foods too readily available to their patrons.

One 21 year old male student commented; "Everyone around me indulges constantly. The soda is in unlimited supply, there are so many desserts and fried foods - and I have to look at them and smell them."

One leading researcher commented; "College is a critical time for people to create good - or not so good - eating habits." Instead of blaming cafeterias, students need to shift their focus to taking responsibility of their own lifestyle by engaging in regular exercise, making healthy food choices and limiting alcohol intake. A new environment with the added pressure of having to fit in and make new friends can lead to over-indulging in social activities. It's a combination of these things that are likely to take their toll and cause an increase in weight - not just the choice of cafeteria food on its own.

Travis Steffen, fitness expert at WorkoutBOX, says, "Start as you mean to go on. Take responsibility for your own health by adopting a healthy balanced diet and a regular exercise program early on. This ensures that you maintain a healthy weight throughout your collegiate years and beyond. A good exercise program should be balanced and include a variation of training techniques to ensure that your body keeps adapting."

WorkoutBOX.com offers professionally designed workouts with step-by-step video instructions, combined with personalized support from an expert fitness team.
#press #release
  • Profile picture of the author marciayudkin
    That's a neat trick - have someone else from the same company post under "my first press release" again.

    See http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...-feedback.html

    Marcia Yudkin
    Signature
    Check out Marcia Yudkin's No-Hype Marketing Academy for courses on copywriting, publicity, infomarketing, marketing plans, naming, and branding - not to mention the popular "Marketing for Introverts" course.
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    • Profile picture of the author SuzanneR
      Originally Posted by marciayudkin View Post

      That's a neat trick - have someone else from the same company post under "my first press release" again.

      See http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...-feedback.html

      Marcia Yudkin
      At least they're listening to us. :-)
      Signature

      ~Suzanne Ryan


      If you want professional pre-written email copy that sells affiliate products better and faster than canned autoresponders...then click here.

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  • Profile picture of the author Paul Johnson
    Originally Posted by Paul Johnson View Post

    Hi all,

    This is my very first press release and it would be great to have some feedback please.
    I've read a few articles on the subject and put together this initial release. I hope it's ok.

    OK here goes;

    The 'All-You-Can-Eat' Mentality
    Is the College Campus Dining Room Contributing to the Obesity Epidemic?

    Trainers are swamped with questions from college students concerned about their expanding waistlines. The average freshman gains over 15lbs in weight during their semester. Is poor cafeteria food to blame for the fast-growing obesity levels in 18 to 29 year olds?

    Turmoil among students that the so-called 'freshman 15' is caused by the fact that campus cafeterias make high fat, high sugar and high salt foods too readily available to their patrons.

    One 21 year old male student commented; "Everyone around me indulges constantly. The soda is in unlimited supply, there are so many desserts and fried foods - and I have to look at them and smell them."

    One leading researcher commented; "College is a critical time for people to create good - or not so good - eating habits." Instead of blaming cafeterias, students need to shift their focus to taking responsibility of their own lifestyle by engaging in regular exercise, making healthy food choices and limiting alcohol intake. A new environment with the added pressure of having to fit in and make new friends can lead to over-indulging in social activities. It's a combination of these things that are likely to take their toll and cause an increase in weight - not just the choice of cafeteria food on its own.

    Travis Steffen, fitness expert at WorkoutBOX, says, "Start as you mean to go on. Take responsibility for your own health by adopting a healthy balanced diet and a regular exercise program early on. This ensures that you maintain a healthy weight throughout your collegiate years and beyond. A good exercise program should be balanced and include a variation of training techniques to ensure that your body keeps adapting."

    WorkoutBOX.com offers professionally designed workouts with step-by-step video instructions, combined with personalized support from an expert fitness team.
    Oh dear, it looks like I have offended some people by thinking I have tried to mislead you. If that's the impression I'm giving then please do accept my apologies, it's certainly was not the intention.

    That aside, this is 'my' first individual attempt at writing a press release and also my first post on the Warrior forum. As you have quite rightly pointed out my colleague has already posted a similar request for a PR for WorkoutBOX that he wrote himself and he got such great feedback that he suggested I do the same for mine.

    Once again, sincere apologies to anyone who took this the wrong way. It's a genuine request for some constructive feedback.

    Thanks

    PS. I'll change my post title and brush up on some forum etiquette :-)
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    • Profile picture of the author SuzanneR
      Paul, are those actual quotes from the student and the researcher?

      This is only my opinion, but for me, this release only works if you're targeting school age consumers--and are offering a program designed specifically for them in mind.

      A middle-aged guy who has decided to do something about his beer gut could care less about high school cafeterias.

      In terms of format and tone, however--you are getting a lot closer to what a press release is all about.
      Signature

      ~Suzanne Ryan


      If you want professional pre-written email copy that sells affiliate products better and faster than canned autoresponders...then click here.

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  • Profile picture of the author Paul Johnson
    Thank you Suzanne. Your help is much appreciated.
    That's certainly a good idea to create a specific workout. That's something I can action. The student quote is an actual from our forum and the researcher was from another article that I found online.
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