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This is Converting at 3.9% - Can You Get it to 5%?

by Ron Douglas
17 replies
Dear Esteemed Copywriting Experts,

I'm planning to do some split tests to improve my conversion rate for a new sales page. I'd like to get your advice.

What can do to make it better? Here's the sales page:

Video Forward - Make Money Online By Sharing Videos
#39% #converting #page not found
  • Profile picture of the author Mtkent
    I really think the site is pretty good. I think I might add a border to tighten it up a little maybe with a light blue border to keep the reader focused on the print. The only deterent I see is that the money made isn't something that alot of people are going to jump on since it isn't really enough to solve alot of problems. You might want to try a split test one with and one without the testimonials that have the dollar amounts in them and also maybe a different headline. I would try something a little more direct like "Make Extra Income Sharing Videos With Friends" or "Make Fast, Easy Money Sharing Viral Videos" Good Luck.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mike Anthony
    Pull me in some more before you start with the bulleted list and reviews. I need to know what the offer is and how it benefits me. Have you checked your bounce rate (time on the page before people leave) . I kind of had to dig to get to the benefit of your offer and by that I mean how this might work for ME. It should have greeted me in your headline. Revenue sharing might not be a term that people know right of the bat. I'd describe that rather than use the term.

    5% shouldn't be hard.
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    • Profile picture of the author Ron Douglas
      Originally Posted by Mike Anthony View Post

      Pull me in some more before you start with the bulleted list and reviews. I need to know what the offer is and how it benefits me. Have you checked your bounce rate (time on the page before people leave) . I kind of had to dig to get to the benefit of your offer and by that I mean how this might work for ME. It should have greeted me in your headline. Revenue sharing might not be a term that people know right of the bat. I'd describe that rather than use the term.

      5% shouldn't be hard.
      Aside from spelling out what a revenue sharing program is, what else could I say about the offer? I thought that it already gives a lot of details about the offer above the fold, including the video explaining the program.

      According to Google Analytics for the sales page:

      * 00:04:02 Time on Page

      * 80.75% Bounce Rate
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      • Profile picture of the author Mike Anthony
        I think I have some better to the point observations Ron

        First I realized the part that was dropping my attention in the headlines was two things

        "make extra money" and "friends"

        When I watched your video (more on that later) I realized you are selling short. When I think of showing my friends I think of pocket change. When I think of a site riding on the content of youtube, google videos and the growing phenemenon of videos then it held my attention. In fact I found your lead in to the headline more effective

        Discover the easiest, ethical way to make money online - without selling anything (edit - just realized the post before mine already made this point)

        It doesn't limit my internal visual to making change with friends.

        I just looked back and realized Raydal made my other point. MAN if you have credibility and that kind of oomph in your video it shouldn't be pushed to the side of the sales page. It should be bam right in the middle and big enough so that nothing else can detract me from clicking play.

        I don't know if your source allows for the dimensions to stretch across the copy but don't push it to the side. Before i watched the video I thought.

        What this little venture he' s pushing and who is he? After the video's first minute you had ton loads of credibility.
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  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    Hi Ron,

    I think your marketing is too humble!

    Yon should be playing up your TV appearances more in the copy
    rather than hidden in that video. So many pages are using
    "As Seen on .." falsely and you can say it with PROOF.

    And you should have your own video hosting rather than
    depend on viddler. My first hit of the page didn't show the
    video.

    That's the first change I would make.

    -Ray Edwards
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    The most powerful and concentrated copywriting training online today bar none! Autoresponder Writing Email SECRETS
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    • Profile picture of the author Ron Douglas
      Originally Posted by Raydal View Post

      Hi Ron,

      I think your marketing is too humble!

      Yon should be playing up your TV appearances more in the copy
      rather than hidden in that video. So many pages are using
      "As Seen on .." falsely and you can say it with PROOF.

      And you should have your own video hosting rather than
      depend on viddler. My first hit of the page didn't show the
      video.

      That's the first change I would make.

      -Ray Edwards
      Good points as usual Ray. I guess I could create an As Seen on TV image with the media logos in it. I probably could also add a line on there saying "Plus you'll be trained by Internet Marketing Celebrity Ron Douglas" or something like that.

      It just feels weird saying stuff like that . What else could I say and where would it go?
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    • Profile picture of the author Killer Joe
      Ron,

      Not trying to be a buzz-kill here, but the "aspirational" testimonials you are using (Chuck and June) will need to be changed before December 1st when the new FTC guidelines take effect.

      KJ
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  • Profile picture of the author stevedirect
    I agree with Raydal. If you have TV appearances, make the most of them in the copy.

    Mike Anthony makes a valid point too. A bit more selling on the benefits of the membership before the bullets and testimonials. In fact the FAQ has the basis for some good sales copy. Seems a shame to hide it down there.

    What might be affecting conversions is the mention of terms like "viral videos" and "recurring commissions", especially so early in the pitch. Some people might not understand those terms and so could be put off.

    Overall, I'd do a more vigorous selling job and see what happened to the conversion rate.

    Steve
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  • Profile picture of the author euhlir
    I'd change your Sign Up button, to be more "inviting" if that makes sense. Compel them to click it.
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  • Profile picture of the author d101
    Hey Ron,

    i would go for simplicity and stick with the first sentence as the headline, big!

    "Discover the easiest, ethical way to make money online - without selling anything..."

    Next just this:

    "VideoForward is the first revenue sharing program that gives you 100% of your ad revenue, 50% recurring commissions on all new signups, and ongoing expert training to ensure your success."


    plus:
    • Video
    • bullets points
    • google adsense logo
    all as is.

    with the "new" space available,
    just add the opt-in fields, visible, ready to go.
    Don't hide what you are after.

    The promise is strong, i would leave it with that.
    ... and get rid of the rest.

    Give them the testimonials and stuff after they have opted in,
    to reinforce their new found trust ...

    Keep it simple and concise.

    I would guess,
    you get 2 digit opt-ins, depending on where your traffic comes from.

    best,
    Detlev

    P.S. ... i wonder if a simple 30 sec. "call to opt-in" video with just announcing the "meat" video ... would pull even better.

    P.S. ... Split test with Google Website Optimizer.
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  • Profile picture of the author Ron Douglas
    Thanks for the feedback. Based on your suggestions, I made a few changes to the sales page:

    - I added an "As Seen On TV" image with the media logos
    - I changed headline to play more on the "celebrity" status
    - I took out words like "extra money" and "your friends" to increase the perceived potential of the opportunity.
    - I added line at the bottom with a more detailed video saying "Still Not Sure? Watch This Video For Additional Details"

    I thought about making the video bigger, but I've had poor results with people spending too much time watching the video and then clicking away. I wanted the text to be more of the main focus.

    Please let me know what you think of the changes, especially the media logos and the new headline: Video Forward - Make Money Online By Sharing Videos

    I'm going to split test it with the old version.
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    • Profile picture of the author Mike Anthony
      Your top lead in copy is much more engaging to me. The as seen on TV logos works pretty effectively. Let us know how it worked out for you
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  • Profile picture of the author Mike Anthony
    Small quibble. Could you get the viddler to show your real opening frame in the video and not the shot that looks like a cooking show. I think thats one of the reasons I didn't fell attracted to play the video. It didn't look related.
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    • Profile picture of the author Ron Douglas
      Originally Posted by Mike Anthony View Post

      Small quibble. Could you get the viddler to show your real opening frame in the video and not the shot that looks like a cooking show. I think thats one of the reasons I didn't fell attracted to play the video. It didn't look related.
      Good point. I can actually change it to anything. Let me know what you think of the new thumbnail or what you would change it to.
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      • Profile picture of the author Killer Joe
        [DELETED]
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        • Profile picture of the author mrdomains
          I would like to see more bells and whistles above the fold.

          Make money by sharing videos

          Get paid for sharing other people´s videos.

          i am guessing your targets are a younger crowd, but the site design feels corporate (except for the testimonials that reinforce the younger angle)

          you need a HOT SIGNUP BUTTON

          FAQ feels way too wordy

          Why is the fee to join so low?
          The current fee to join is a special introductory price and will go up to $149 per year once we reach a certain number of members. Right now we just want the site to get off to a good start so that the word spreads throughout the Internet. Those who join now will be "grandfathered in" at the current low price.
          could be
          Why is the fee to join so low?
          This is a introductory offer. Once the first level of memberships is completed, the price will go up substantially


          I would dump the "Right now we just want the site to get off to a good start so that the word spreads throughout the Internet. " Comes off as please help us and it undercuts the hype of the "as featured on"

          not a bad page, but it lacks some oomph!
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          Free action plan : Think less. Do more.

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