Sanity check

just looked really fast

Text is Centered ... looks kind of wierd

That Thing where you offer A Rolex doesn't seem believable

Jack

I agree about the centered text looking a bit queer.

The grammar in this sentence seems considerably off, you may want to consider re-writing it:

The phrase in blue on gray, that says "Listen, we can change all this.", sounds like you are talking down a kid. Same with the phrase "Only you can answer that, look:" (well, with the last word, "look:"). Not sure if that's the right undertone. Also, the blue/gray contrast doesn't work for me.

Hmm, I like the guarantee, it's reassuring, but not reassuring enough. There doesn't seem to be a money-back guarantee - if you think you don't need it because you're so sure no one will want to back out, that may come off as a bit arrogant? A no-questions asked money back guarantee always helps enhance the trust factor.

At a high level, my main concern is that the content comes off as rather trite. It's also vague and the rant about no other program working for you is something that I've started disliking (are you seriously suggesting that your product is the only decent, non-blood-sucking one out there?). Some concrete pointers about what techniques you are going to teach, and what is the main basis for my income (affiliate marketing? adsense? info products? I would prefer to know!) would be more useful.

The testimonials don't have websites or even email addresses to go with them, how do I know they are legit?

Well - these were some quick thoughts. Overall, looks reasonably good, but could use a little innovation to avoid sounding cliche, and being less vague would also be useful. Graphics and such, although a bit bland, seem okay to me. Here's wishing you all the luck!


Cheers,
Avani

Hi,

Your 'starting at the end' spiel put me off reading anymore straightaway. If you want to try anything like that you need to have a lot more than absolutely zero credibility.

Free Rolex. Don't need to say anymore.

The centered text is hideous.

Your writing's very awkward to read with far too many grammatical errors for someone who claims to have a good education. In fact some of the English in it is terrible for a native speaker.

Not enough bullets (and format them better).

Make more of the price.

There's no indication at all of how this works. At least put in a 'this is not:' list.

Break it up more with subheads.

You should be able to sort it all out with a good rewrite rather than having to scrap it and start from scratch.

Thanks,

Andrew.

P.S. Change your favicon.

That's brilliant feedback, thank you very much indeed, as said genuinely appreciated.