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Hate on My Landing Page

by LondonPaladin
12 replies
I've been a member of this forum for a little while and I've been hesitant to ask for any critiques, but I think I'm ready.

I still need to do a ton of work on my sales page, so please just look at my landing/email capture page.

I have had a few sales with the current format, but not nearly enough.

My site is www.paladinseduction.com ---> NEW SITE http://www.organicseduction.com/products/sales/

What do you think of the new site. Does it need more pics or video? I can put those up tomorrow.
#copywriting #hate #landing #page
  • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
    While it's true you have to "sell" even a free report, your squeeze page is way too long.

    Try this format. I recently got a 50% opt-in rate with JV traffic ...

    7 Little-Known Copywriting Tactics to Instantly Boost Your Sales

    Be sure to make your bullets as powerful as possible.

    Alex
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  • Profile picture of the author signupmakemoney
    Adding a video is a great way to connect to people.

    I agree with Alex that the shorter the better. I get annoyed by landing pages that are a mile long. Getting straight to the point usually works.

    Check out my landing page:
    Signature
    Sign Up Bonuses
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  • Profile picture of the author kimperino1985
    The page is very long. Put some color in the back ground of the page. Use some pictures and decrease the font size. Make it more realistic than a simple word document.
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  • Profile picture of the author NicholasCarter
    Put a video it will help increase conversions
    Signature

    Video Creation Service $6.00 Per video Pm For Details


    Keyword Research exact domain guaranteed with minimal competition atleast 1000 exact searches per month Pm For Details

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  • Profile picture of the author zachary0611
    Looks like David Deangelo landing page
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    Professional Web Designers www.WebDesignBros.com
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  • Profile picture of the author Jim Gillum
    Just look at Alex's landing page .....Good example......
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  • Profile picture of the author MillionaireMonkey
    Ppl always say to keep the email form "above the fold." Now go and AMOG those AFCs!
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  • Profile picture of the author ghyphena
    I don't know if the problem is "too long" per se... I think part of the problem is that what you're actually selling in the copy isn't the free report you're asking them to get at the end.

    In your copy, in seems like you're setting up to sell your paid product. Then at the end you just stick in the "free report" - and this creates a disconnect. I have no clue where this free report came from... is it the "ebook" you've been telling me about... or something else....

    If you don't want to change your entire squeeze page, I suggest you at least tie in the giveaway to the main product you talk about.

    Something like: Here's a free sample of the stuff that's in my book... blah, blah, blah.

    NB It does look a *lot* (copy-wise) like the DYD copy.

    Gil-Ad
    Signature

    Gil-Ad Schwartz

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  • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
    If it's a squeeze page, you must use bullet points. Bullet points are very powerful.

    There's no way you can use long text to just get opt-in subscribers because the bounce rates on long pages of web content are very high. It completely sounds like you are selling a product when you just want opt-in subscribers.

    People don't really want to read long text. They want short, precise and comprehensive text that tells them what they will receive from reading what you've to say / offer. One the web, time is really precious and you must value your reader's time in the most effective manner to get higher conversions. It does not take a second for a reader to close the page and move on. Be careful.

    No doubt, the piece of copy is great (I like the style) but there is so much text that it makes it sound too long. The text IS definitely too long. You got to spice it up correctly and shorten the length.

    I second Alex's page. I can redo the page for you if you want.
    Signature
    I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

    Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
    Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
    I'll Write YOUR Sales Copy AGAIN Till YOU Make MUCH MORE Than THAT. Guaranteed*.
    *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
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  • Profile picture of the author Rubes
    G'day mate,

    Ok here is what I suggest from top of page to bottom;

    What is your products name? I cannot find it anywhere, even at the bottom of the page. This will come in handy later down the line if people like the product and want to refer it to a friend, obviously they need a name.

    There is not one image on your page, and no colour, it makes me want to leave because of all the text.

    You are making claims on your page but where is your proof. Get some testimonials and back as much as you can up. If you don't people will just think you're bs.

    Perhaps add a product image in your opt in box, which boosts something value and makes people feel like they are actually getting something of worth, rather than just the name of the product.

    Hope that helps.
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  • Profile picture of the author PPCme
    Lots of text - no enticing images - very small width.
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