11 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}
11 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}

===>Need Salespage Critique!

by Ludovic
9 replies
Hi guys,

I just have a thing for asking questions all the time regarding a topic. Even, if I were a high authority in a field, I would still ask questions... With the many copywriting talents that differentiate throughout this forum, I would like to know, if anyone can offer suggestions to my salespage.

It would be mostly appreciated.

Thanks, and all the best
-Ludovic

New Salespage ===> Private Label Rights
__________________
#&gtneed #>need #critique #salespage
  • Profile picture of the author Scott Murdaugh
    Lose the flashing headline...

    That's as far as I got, almost had a seizure.
    Signature

    Over $30 Million In Marketing Data And A Decade Of Consistently Generating Breakthrough Results - Ask How My Unique Approach To Copy Typically Outsells Traditional Ads By Up To 29x Or More...

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1518860].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Kevin Lam
    Looks a lot better. Good job, Ludovic.

    Looking back at the headline, it does seem a bit long. Consider this headline though:

    Discover How You Can Instantly Profit 100% From 50+
    NEW Products Created FOR YOU Every Single Month!
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1519044].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author jasondinner
    Hey Lu

    Made a video for you but Jing is being stupid. As soon as i figure out how to get the entire video to load up to youtube without a big portion being cut off, i will post it here
    Signature

    "Human thoughts have the tendency to transform themselves into their physical equivalent." Earl Nightingale

    Super Affiliates Hang Out Here

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1520482].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Ludovic
      Originally Posted by Scott Murdaugh View Post

      Lose the flashing headline...

      That's as far as I got, almost had a seizure.
      Lol, thank you for reporting this. On google chrome, the headline was not flashing, but once i switched my browser to firefox I noticed it. Problem fixed! Once again Thanks!

      Originally Posted by Kevin Lam View Post

      Looks a lot better. Good job, Ludovic.

      Looking back at the headline, it does seem a bit long. Consider this headline though:

      Discover How You Can Instantly Profit 100% From 50+
      NEW Products Created FOR YOU Every Single Month!
      Hi kevin, I haven't heard from you in a long time. I'm going to do a split test with the headline above. Thanks for the suggestion, as well.

      Originally Posted by jasondinner View Post

      Hey Lu

      Made a video for you but Jing is being stupid. As soon as i figure out how to get the entire video to load up to youtube without a big portion being cut off, i will post it here
      Wow, I really appreciate you taking your time to do such a thing. Can't wait to see the video. Hopefully, i can do a split test between the one I currently have and yours.
      ----------------------------------------

      New feedbacks are appreciated and welcomed....
      Thank you all
      -Ludovic
      Signature
      [50% OFF] Warriors, Sneak Peak Inside The Best Web Based Spinner - 72HRs Only (Open Now!)
      USE Promo Code: 50WSOPLRSAVINGS for 50% OFF any PLR and MRR Products in our Catalog|PLRMegaMart.com 50% Super SALE Ends(11/20) (Open Now!)
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1521608].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author markgilbert
    Some of the best headlines start out with a question that has a benefit in it. Although this is part of your headline, it's at the end. I would suggest, at the very least, bringing the question to the beginning of the headline (although I would ask the question differently).

    Secondly, the first two lines of the headline don't tell me anything. It's not until the 3rd line that I begin to understand your offer (and "what's in it for me"). Instead of telling me...

    "Congratulations! You've Just Landed On A
    Very Limited and Exclusive Offer That Will..."

    Just tell me what the "Offer" is. Headlines are no place for fluff.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1522046].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    One irrefutable rule of headlines, if you can't memorize it in 10 to 15 seconds it's too long.



    Also, you said:



    "You're not making enough money. At least not nearly enough to enjoy.
    You also don't have a lot of time. At least not nearly enough as you'd like.
    Let me guess, you're also looking for something that will allow you to profit more but work less."


    Better to tell me and let me come to these conclusions using my own imagination.

    For example:


    "Are you making enough money to enjoy all the things you really want? What do you currently desire which you can't afford to buy? What kinds of trips do you want to take before you die that you're now missing out on?

    And how about this....

    Do you have enough time to do the things you really want? Who in your life is not getting enough of your undivided attention? What about your hobbies and personal goals? Are you pouring all your spare time into your business while the rest of your life sits on hold?"


    Let the reader get involved and start actually imaging what they're missing. People are usually more convinced by conclusions they arrive at on their own, just give them some help with it.



    That's all I have time for, best of luck with the sales!
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1522660].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author jasondinner
    Hey Dude,

    Found a way to get that critique video up without it getting chopped up bc of some poor programming on Jing's Part.

    FINALLY!!! hahahaaha

    I loaded it up on my Facebook Fan Page for you

    Internet Salesletter Copy Critique by Jason Dinner

    I just made you famous lol

    Please let me know what you think and hook me up with a free lifetime membership
    if it helps boost your conversions

    All The Best,
    Jason Dinner
    Signature

    "Human thoughts have the tendency to transform themselves into their physical equivalent." Earl Nightingale

    Super Affiliates Hang Out Here

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1591402].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author cybergod
      Header image is looking great.
      Nothing special about that page, looks similar to other sales page.

      All the best with sales...
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1591934].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
    I think it's a great sales page.

    You've done a wonderful job.

    I feel there could be a better headline though.

    Keep it up.
    Signature
    I AM YOUR Direct Response Ninja Kick-Ass Sales Copywriter.

    Now, Here's The REAL DEAL:
    Either I make YOU at least 10 times of what I charge YOU OR
    I'll Write YOUR Sales Copy AGAIN Till YOU Make MUCH MORE Than THAT. Guaranteed*.
    *Terms & Conditions Apply. Email me at ronak[at]ronakshah[dot]name right now.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1591990].message }}

Trending Topics