Where to shift from 'I' style to 'You' style?
I was wondering if you all could give me some suggestions on my copywriting.
I have noticed that I use a lot of 'I' style writing. Just like I do on this very forum post.
For example,
I start off a sales letter with a little introduction of who I am to build creditability.
I will say stuff like 'throughout my career of making money online...at first it was a little rough but then I figured out the secrets. since then i have been able to do this this and this.'
Then I progress to something like:
'one of the secrets that helped increase my business is ___________. I found that once I implemented just that one technique, my profits increased by _____'
As you can see, my writing is very first person oriented.
I have been reading that you want to make your writing YOU style - like what it can do for the reader.
So should I drop the intro about myself because it is too first person oriented?
For the above benefit example, should I write more along the lines of:
'one secret that will significantly improve your business is ______. Once you implement just that one technique, you will see your profits increase by____'
Am I on the write track, or am I confusing the whole You vs I thing?
Thank you for taking a look!
-Daniel
Direct Response Copywriting
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