Here's my postcard what do you think?

44 replies
Im getting ready to test a list of 10K - any tips on this would be great. My call to action is simply to call my 800 number. Im going to try the push 1 method!! My message in the 24 hr. recording will be compelling - hopefully compelling enough to push 1 and buy!

PLEASE COPYWRITING PROS - Give me your input I would so much appreciate it before I spend a bunch of money.

#postcard
  • Profile picture of the author thenextlevel
    I might consider using a real picture instead of a drawing. But I am not a pro by any means. Everything else looks good to me
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    • Profile picture of the author Forest_Parks
      Well from a graphics perspective I think you have done a really nice job. You have taken the standard color combination from the ugly sales pitches and managed to reformat them into an eye pleasing design.... Good work there.

      Personally I like the drawing, i'm a graphic designer though, not a conversions expert, so I would split test 5k with a real pic and 5k with the drawing... Or even pick a smaller pool of your 10k list for testing first.
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  • Profile picture of the author TimCastleman
    Guys the graphic drawing is meant to look like the ones they do in the Wall Street Journal. He gets linked to it without actually saying anything.

    I'd get 4 different postcards made up with 4 different numbers attached to them and test the list and see which one pulls better.

    Great card and I love fellow postcard users!

    Tim
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        • Profile picture of the author mhdeaton
          Originally Posted by TimCastleman View Post

          Sorry that took so long ;-)
          Hey Tim thanks for the wonderful critique!
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          • Profile picture of the author David Babineau
            Nice to see a postcard here... good job!

            - As previously noted, change "learn" (discover)

            - "The First 3 Reasons" sounds weird. How about "3 main". Also, do you divulge other reasons in your recorded message? If so, tie it in in your call to action -- "Discover all 7 Simple Ways to Become An Options Pro by calling 1-800..." (not great, but you get the idea...)

            - Maybe personal preference but I'd Underline your preheader and put a colon at the end.

            - The Whole "Up to 3 times a month" thing also sounds weird to me... may be something you want to test (and as Paul & Tim suggested, might want to reduce test size or at least split test...) Alternative could be to put total # for month (?)

            - I know you have limited real estate but at least give a hint that this is 1. Easy and that 2. It will work for them even if they have little experience, etc.. (assuming this is true...) Fact is people will automatically think they can't do it becuase they don't have time, don't have the money, etc etc etc. One way to incorporate this - add "So Simple" after "Trading System" in headline (although the headline is already pretty wordy...)

            - Call To action -- Add the word FREE! (Recorded message is free...)

            Cheers and Good Luck!
            Dave
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    I'm not real fond of the "Who Else Wants..." opening as it's really overdone, at least in print and especially online. Some might say I feel that way because I'm in the business and see it all the time.

    Other than that your headline is decent. I do think you're over the line in the eyes of FTC with that earnings claim. You might want to check that before mailing. Would hate to see you get a call from the Feds. You might just need to put in a 'fine print' disclaimer.

    Otherwise, I think you'll get some calls if your list is targeted. So I guess it depends on your recorded message. Good luck.
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    • Profile picture of the author mhdeaton
      This is why I love this forum you can post something and get instant help. How awesome is that. Thanks for the input guys any headline suggestions??
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  • Profile picture of the author RebeccaLongster
    Hi ~ The postcard looks great, even the graphic, except for one thing: your header/call to action is too long and convoluted (and if it's supposed to be a question, it should end with a question mark).

    How about this: Want To Take As Little As $225 And Turn It Into A Whopping $2,875? How About Doing That Up To 3 Times A Month? Learn My Incredible Options Trading System That Lets You Do Just That.

    or

    Want To Turn As Little As $225 Into A Whopping $2,875? Want To Do That Up To 3 Times A Month? My Incredible Options Trading System Teaches You How.

    Short, simple, and to the point is much more effective in my book.

    Good luck with it ~

    Rebecca
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    Rebecca Longster

    Believing is Seeing(belief3ninesfine.com)

    "Reach for the Moon ~ even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." ~ unknown
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    • Profile picture of the author RebeccaLongster
      Wow! You guys are fast! In the time it took me to respond to that post, 3 more of you popped in with responses! (small wonder it's taken me this long to dive in, yeah? ;-))
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      Rebecca Longster

      Believing is Seeing(belief3ninesfine.com)

      "Reach for the Moon ~ even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." ~ unknown
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    • Profile picture of the author eibhlin
      I love the WSJ lookalike graphic.It's an intriguing card.

      Wants
      should not have an apostrophe, whether you keep your longer headline or not.

      I'd change the headline to "Turn $225 Into As Much As $2875 -- Up To 3 Times A Month!"

      Change "1 single" to "one single" (Numbers below ten should always be spelled out. Headlines can be an exception.)

      Also, the R in recorded should be upper case, in the "Want Proof?" line. Lose the dash after the question mark.

      Generally, I'd tighten the copy. It could read a little more smoothly.
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      Artist, blogger, and author of a bazillion books, more or less. Find me at Eibhlin.com
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    • Profile picture of the author mhdeaton
      Originally Posted by RebeccaLongster View Post

      Hi ~ The postcard looks great, even the graphic, except for one thing: your header/call to action is too long and convoluted (and if it's supposed to be a question, it should end with a question mark).

      How about this: Want To Take As Little As $225 And Turn It Into A Whopping $2,875? How About Doing That Up To 3 Times A Month? Learn My Incredible Options Trading System That Lets You Do Just That.

      or

      Want To Turn As Little As $225 Into A Whopping $2,875? Want To Do That Up To 3 Times A Month? My Incredible Options Trading System Teaches You How.

      Short, simple, and to the point is much more effective in my book.

      Good luck with it ~

      Rebecca
      Nice Rebecca thanks!
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  • Profile picture of the author mhdeaton
    WOW how do I thank all of you. I'm sure you just saved me or made me a small fortune. Either way my hats off to everyone!
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  • Profile picture of the author Scott Murdaugh
    The postcard copy aside, I'm a little worried about your strategy here...

    hopefully compelling enough to push 1 and buy!
    I don't know if this is a $9 or $997 system, but I don't care how compelling the recorded message is, the combination of this postcard alone and a recorded message isn't going to drive home a lot of sales.

    I'd 2-step it. Create a free report to offer in exchange for a name and address. Sell the **** out of that free report, even if it's free people still need to be sold on it...

    And then mail them a free report... Not a sales letter. Blow them away with some solid info. Make it good enough that people would want to buy it.

    If you do your job there you're effectively pre-selling your main course. Include a very subtle sales letter for your main product at the end of it. (But keep in mind they called for a free report, not a sales pitch, and if they sense they're reading a sales letter it'll probably just piss 'em off).

    Follow up with the people who responded several times.

    It's a lot of work. But it'd greatly improve your odds if you pull it off vs. just the postcard and recorded message.

    As a caveat let me say that there are plenty of products/services that can be sold with very little copy on a postcard, but when you're talking investment advice, people are VERY skeptical.

    You need to do a little relationship building in that niche before you ask for any money.

    Good luck with it.

    -Scott
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    Over $30 Million In Marketing Data And A Decade Of Consistently Generating Breakthrough Results - Ask How My Unique Approach To Copy Typically Outsells Traditional Ads By Up To 29x Or More...

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  • Profile picture of the author colmodwyer
    Here's what I think...

    * Headline is a little confusing, a little wordy and not very unique.

    * Bullets seem to lack any real, sexy, obvious benefit. As for that third bullet, I have no idea what you're trying to say.

    * Glaring absence of credibility throughout.

    * Is "proof" a compelling reason to call your 800 number?

    * Looks like your recorded message is 24hrs long.

    * "Call now" or some other, specific call to action wouldn't do you any harm.

    * I imagine a URL might be quite beneficial too, just in case.

    * Splitting the list and testing might be worthwhile, but at 5,000 you'd really be pushing it in terms of getting anything statistically significant.

    * Finally, where's the other side of the postcard?

    Generally speaking I don't think this will cut it with a cold list. Not by a long shot. Your better bet (as Scott mentioned) is lead gen... Or mailing a 30 page sales letter written by a top gun copywriter.

    In any case, if you share info on the list you're mailing too, folks here might be in a better position to help you.

    Colm
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  • Profile picture of the author crlsnh
    About the headline. Is it just me or "wants" shouldn't be spelled with an apostrophe...?
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  • Profile picture of the author mhdeaton
    Ill post my updated postcard when Im done. Your responses are incredible. I feel like I have a bunch of new friends. :-)
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    • Profile picture of the author AP
      [DELETED]
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      • Profile picture of the author mhdeaton
        Scott thanks Colmo thanks its appreciated. Before I go t bed I want to throw this out there. Scott I read your blog and some of your other stuff andf I see your point about a postcard a message and asking for money but Im not totally convinced that this is not possible.

        Surely if I nail it with a postcard and get the calls ITS POSSIBLE to come up with a message conveyed with some passion that commands a nice response.

        I was going to test $77 and $97 and see. I think at this or even a higher price point with a wild guarantee I could smack one out of the park.

        I appreciate your input In fact you made me consider NOT SENDING the postcard because YES I agree the niche is diffacult I know Im in it and have been for years online.

        Mail is new for me postcards is new for me.

        However I really feel that with a perfect postcard and a solid message I can expect a decent response.

        Anyone? Scott?
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        • Profile picture of the author TimCastleman
          Mark -

          IF you really are going to sell this for so cheap don't bother with postcards. Here's why.

          10,000 postcards are going to run you about $2500 to $3000 to ship out. So at $77 you need 39 orders just to break even. IF you get a 1$% response that means 100 people will call to get more info. Say you have a 50% order rate from that - so 50 people order. That leaves you with 11 orders over cost or $847 bucks profit. Of course you have to figure in cost of the 800 number, additional things you send out, the cost of producing the materials you're selling, etc.

          Here is the other thing - you're going to teach me how to make almost $9,000 a month and it is only going to cost me $77. I don't buy it - it is too good of a deal. Add a zero to the course price and then it would more be believable to me and your buyers.

          Just some things to think about.

          Tim
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          • Profile picture of the author mhdeaton
            Originally Posted by TimCastleman View Post

            Mark -

            IF you really are going to sell this for so cheap don't bother with postcards. Here's why.

            10,000 postcards are going to run you about $2500 to $3000 to ship out. So at $77 you need 39 orders just to break even. IF you get a 1$% response that means 100 people will call to get more info. Say you have a 50% order rate from that - so 50 people order. That leaves you with 11 orders over cost or $847 bucks profit. Of course you have to figure in cost of the 800 number, additional things you send out, the cost of producing the materials you're selling, etc.

            Here is the other thing - you're going to teach me how to make almost $9,000 a month and it is only going to cost me $77. I don't buy it - it is too good of a deal. Add a zero to the course price and then it would more be believable to me and your buyers.

            Just some things to think about.

            Tim
            I was hoping for a 10% response on the calls and at least a 5% on sales Im sending to a very targeted list of options buyers.
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            • Profile picture of the author TimCastleman
              Mark -

              I don't want to pee in your pool but I think people will tell you that 10% is a tough nut to crack. In all of my mailings the best I have done is 4-6%.

              I'm working on something for you. More to follow.

              Tim
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            • Profile picture of the author Mr. Subtle
              Originally Posted by mhdeaton View Post

              I was hoping for a 10% response on the calls and at least a 5% on sales Im sending to a very targeted list of options buyers.
              Aerosmith would be singing: "Dream On Dream On Dream On..."

              I've been getting the mailing below for at least two years. Like your mailing, it too is for an options course. This guy's mailing comes in a 6x9 envelope with a sales letter and CD seminar. The price of the course is around $1100. The numbers work for his product. Plus he has other option courses on his backend.


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  • Profile picture of the author Ronak Shah
    I was just thinking if you'd keep a website address on the postcard to give out more information. It adds credibility as well.

    I have received quite many posts cards with website addresses. I'll tell you it makes sense. Though you could have a different strategy altogether.

    It's just a thought though it's up to you. I think getting people to buy your course from two sources, toll-free # & website, could probably make it easier for you to get sales.

    Just my 2 cents.
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  • Excellent work.

    My gut is telling me that I wouldn't rely just on the phone recording..
    How about taking the recording turning it into audio, and putting it online behind a squeeze page. You can get the person's email address and do follow-up marketing for less than the cost of postage.

    Just a thought
    Stan
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  • Profile picture of the author StaffPartyTrivia
    Try this instead:

    Viewer lands on the page.
    There is nothing but a video that PLAY AUTOMATICALLY and an opt-in.

    You spend no more than 1 minute & 15 seconds but no less than 30 seconds
    to explain who you are and how you are making bank with all your reasearch

    - and then say - But you don't have TIME to do the research

    - so just put your email address over there and I will send you my latest
    stock pick FREE and in a month's time you'll either be happy that you invested
    and come back to me for more - or you'll WISH you had taken my FREE advice!

    One you have the email - and some of their trust from performance
    ( you know where the stock is daily - in 30 days or when a significant increase
    so you can say ( you would have earned $5,000 of you'd invested only $XXXX
    on my FREE stock pick ... but that's old news -
    - Subscribe to my $27 WEEKLY newsletter where I tell you the best places to
    invest and when to get out - the ONLY one that I know if that comes with a
    gurantee that if my total forecast is not in the POSITIVE, you get you $$$ back.
    And you can read the newsletter for a few weeks or even months until you
    feel comfortable that my advice is SOUND and my stocks are WINNERS!!!

    STOP losing money on the stock market and start EARNING - Join Today!


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    • Profile picture of the author BrianMcLeod
      Originally Posted by StaffPartyTrivia View Post

      Viewer lands on the page.
      There is nothing but a video that PLAY AUTOMATICALLY and an opt-in.
      I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess you missed that the OP is about a POSTCARD he wants to mail, not a website or landing page, yes?

      Jess sayin'...

      Sort of like discussing the best postage meter indicia for his autoresponder sequence.
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      • Profile picture of the author Mr. Subtle
        This direct mailing arrived at (about) the same time as the one above:



        Note the similarities:

        1. Sales letter is part of the package
        2. Both contain an audio CD which is part info and part sales pitch
        3. Both courses sell for (about) $1100.00



        .
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      • Profile picture of the author StaffPartyTrivia
        Originally Posted by BrianMcLeod View Post

        I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess you missed that the OP is about a POSTCARD he wants to mail, not a website or landing page, yes?

        Jess sayin'...

        Sort of like discussing the best postage meter indicia for his autoresponder sequence.

        You are correct.

        However ... perhaps the postcard says
        ====
        Find The Best
        Weekly, Monthly and Long-Term
        Market Picks
        Here:

        www.HisDomain.com

        Get a Free Subscription To My Weekly Newsletter Before (DATE)
        HURRY!
        ========
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  • Profile picture of the author karlhadwen
    I love the graphics and as for the picture, I wouldn't worry about it personally but as people have said split test it and test the results. Always try split test, even try a different layout just to see what works best. TEST TEST TEST - testing to me is so important.
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  • Profile picture of the author crischico
    I agree with the previous comments about the headline.. it needs to be clearer

    the bullets are a little confusing, not clear, and lack benefits (and curisosity)

    here are some suggestions

    caveat # 1 - i dont know the options market or if you can say what i have below
    caveat # 2 - not a professional copywriter..... although i am studying and learning by writing my own sales letters (and propaganda)

    i would agree with not dropping 10k postcards on a test like this ..

    == here goes ==

    I want to share with you my most valuable (and profitable tips)

    * The 3 simple market principles that will reveal precisely the EXACT timing you MUST follow when you buy and sell your options and that will almost GUARANTEE you'll never lose money ever again (you'll actually do better than 90% of the world's best traders ...leaving them in the dust with this simple strategy). It's so simple (it only takes me a few minutes to explain) and yet completely the opposite of what you hear from other trainers.

    * An unheard of and "never discussed" 4 part underground system for analyzing ANY trade instantly and reliably (you no longer need to spend hours agonizing over a trade ever again) to create returns normally reserved for the pro's (you'll hear how I turned a $200 trade into a $2,875 return) It's easy åenough that even a completely rookie can implement this.

    * Why there is only ONE option strategy that I personally use (and recommend to my students) to win almost every time in the options game (violate this and you're guaranteed to fail .. in fact, it's the REAL reason why most beginners fail to make money in the options game). All it takes is one minute and 15 seconds for me to teach you this strategy that you can start using immediately.
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  • Profile picture of the author lenlatimer
    Just a quick comment - who else does drawings like yours? Why, the Wall Street Journal - that's who. And of course they're the financial experts. So I would keep it - it psychologically gives you a feeling of credibility and trust although a reader may not realize why.
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    Copy-In-A-Box, an amazing Word Add-in Tool that adds Dazzle & Personality to your copy. My WSO

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  • Profile picture of the author Profit-smart
    I would definitely setup a website and stick it under the phone number.

    Just set the video/audio to play when they get to the site.
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    • Profile picture of the author pmarz
      I know that this thread is a bit old, but I have to weight in on those response numbers. I'm selling a biz op product via Postcard Marketing and on average, my responses(per 1,000) are:

      10% call in(100). of those,
      20% of those push one (20)
      40% close. (10)

      I'm selling a $79 manual. That is 58% return. I know it's not the best, but on my last round I got 211 people who called. The Call Center is the weakest link in the call ctr.
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  • Profile picture of the author fasteasysuccess
    just a quick tip on the mailing first-would suggest mailing smaller amount test first and split between 2 test post cards.

    on a marketing tip-i'm not sure if your recorded message is like a buy now kind of thing, but if possible with this type of product you want to do atleast a 2 step=call and get x(free report,free cd) your sales message with some value tied in. Then let the free x sell your product and maintain follow ups with non buyers.

    Now I think you pretty much got a lot of things tweeked by now with your copy, but just remember obviously with just sending a postcard you want to make it compelling as possible since small space and continue to test and you'll have a lot better shot
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    • Profile picture of the author BillOliver
      Absolutely GOTTA have a way to follow up with Dan Kennedy 3 Step letter with grabber.

      THEREFORE:
      1) Here's How I earned etc.
      Photo of trading record for credibility.
      Phone to leave name address for FREE CD & Report.

      2, 3) 4) Follow up letters with grabbers.
      (Look on my site on left for samples of Dan Kennedy letters with grabbers)

      I believe that overall conversion should be x2 to x3 original plan.
      Split test x1000 of course.

      Bill
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  • Profile picture of the author BillOliver
    One of the greatest classic John Caples ads:
    "The Man in the Hathaway Shirt"

    The Heading:
    "The Man Who Turned $### into $### in ## days!"
    Is a cleaner, more powerful headline in my mind.

    Then tell the story,
    offer freebies to get details,
    then Dan Kennedy's x3 follow ups with grabbers.

    I'd be stunned if testing doesn't yield a greater profitability than your Plan A.

    All who say "Aye!" raise your hand!
    Against? "Nay?" (raise your hand!)

    Bill
    http://www.billoliver.net/DanSequence.pdf
    Ignore 1st 4 pages, just use p5-7 for follow up sequence.
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  • I don't know if I could listen to a message that was 24 hrs long... I'd need some sleep in between!
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