It's crazy...
It's crazy how internet marketing email writers travel in packs.
Just today, I got an email that started with:
"It's crazy - the membership site "design software" alone
is worth over $197."
I have no idea what this person is talking about.
Another email began:
"It's CRAZY to think that 94.51%
of the people FAIL online because
they have NO CLUE how to develop
a successful online business.'"
So the other 6.49% succeed because they make up statistics on the spot?
Yet another writer hedges his bets:
"'OK, this is just kind of crazy. . ."
So it's not really crazy, just kind of crazy.
And: "this is pretty crazy, i just found out about a website
that is making this guy over 50k a month in RESIDUAL income."
So exciting that in the rush to tell me, there wasn't even time to use the shift key. Oh wait, there was, but not for the things that would make your message easy to read with standard punctuation.
Today's next theme is: "Let me tell you all about what I ate so you feel like I'm a personal friend."
An email began: "I was just about to head to lunch at Chipotle and try to
beat the rush but wanted you to see this..."
This message showed up in my email box before breakfast, thanks for the irrelevant detail about your personal life.
Another starts: "Dude, I gotta tell you about this...
This morning I went over to my buddies
place for a traditional Irish breakfast: Irish bacon,
fried eggs, tomatoes, toast and beans.
Or so I thought."
No, Dude, I don't really care what you had for breakfast.
And then there's the meme of trying to win me over by telling me that I should admire your friends.
These are all separate emails that arrived in my email box in the last 24 hours.
"My friend [a] wants to turn YOU into an [catchy term]."
"My friend "[b]" has just released some extremely valuable
information and is allowing me to give it away to you for free
today ($97 value)!"
"Last month a couple of friends of mine - [c]
and [d] finished a new service they'd been working
on."
"My friend [e] just released the
internet's most massive giveaway ever:"
"[f] added you as a friend on Facebook..."
(That's hard to do since I'm not on Facebook.)
Remember, these all showed up this same morning, before my good friend and I went for a snack at McDonald's.
"I just finished talking with a friend of mine about an
ebook she just finished writing. [g] is currently
selling this but she has been generous enough to let me
offer it to my subscribers for FREE!"
"[h] has over delivered with this video tutorial course.
6 modules and over 2 hours of high quality internet marketing info," (This is how the email begins, and it doesn't come from h.)
"I found the owner of this technique, and
he was kind enough to put the 7 page PDF
up on the web for me and my subscribers.
Ironically, [i] already knew him." (Amazing, two people in the same small industry might have met! Will wonders never cease!)
"Hope you're doing great! Today is a great day because my good friend
and fellow marketer [j] has given me permission to grant
you access to a great f'ree report!"
"I just got a special tip from one of my friends, [k]."
"My friend, [l], has decided to
giveaway one of her ebooks on how you
can write like a MANIAC." (I thought I already had that handled, after all, it's crazy!)
Again, these all showed up the same day, before my friend and I went to the supermarket to take advantage of their good price on tomato soup. It's crazy how if you buy one can, the next is 50% off!
"My good buddy [m] has created a product showing step by step
how to grow your list by over 1000+ in only one month:"
"I've secured a VERY special free gift
for you, it's from my friend [n]."
"A friend of mine [o] has just finished his
new List Building report ..."
"I HAD to get this email to you right away, my close friend
[p] has allowed me to send you free backdoor access
to his incredible set of tutorials."
"[q], my friend from Canada has put together a fantastic free report for you:"
"A short message today...(from my friend [r])"
"I have something valuable for you that been set up with my marketing friend [s]-"
"I talked my good friend [t] into doing
something very special for my subscribers:-"
Did I mention that it's crazy that these all came in before I had my kielbasa and granola this morning? If you fry up the sausage and add milk to the granola, it's amazing how great it tastes!
"I HAD to get this email to you right away, my close friend [u] has allowed me to send you a f'ree link
to download his incredible PDF report."
"I have another awesome free gift for you from my
good friend [v]."
"My good buddy [w] has a truly useful gift for you
today. The PDF-Brander enables you to Brand your web-presence in
a viral newsletter that you can give away, thus getting yourself
known all over the web!"
"I have another awesome f'ree gift for you from my
good friend [x]."
"I've arranged a special free download for you from my friend [y]."
"Here's a awesome free gift for you from my good friend [z]" (First name only was used here... it's so urgent there's no time for last name or a period at the end of the sentence.
And I haven't even finished opening today's email!
Now this is crazy! Are all of these people really that friendly? Or all they all lazily overusing a trite way to try to build a sense of connection, without going to the bother of actually building a sense of connection?
Can all the lazy writers just go have breakfast with each other and stay out my mailbox, until they can come up with something that's original and actually interesting?
Chris
P.S. It's crazy, but I made up the tomato soup sale. I don't really know if there's a good price on it today or not. While I have my fries at McDonald's (I like 'em with ketchup), my friend will probably check the newspaper for coupons. that way if theres an extra special sale i wont miss out!!!!
Just today, I got an email that started with:
"It's crazy - the membership site "design software" alone
is worth over $197."
I have no idea what this person is talking about.
Another email began:
"It's CRAZY to think that 94.51%
of the people FAIL online because
they have NO CLUE how to develop
a successful online business.'"
So the other 6.49% succeed because they make up statistics on the spot?
Yet another writer hedges his bets:
"'OK, this is just kind of crazy. . ."
So it's not really crazy, just kind of crazy.
And: "this is pretty crazy, i just found out about a website
that is making this guy over 50k a month in RESIDUAL income."
So exciting that in the rush to tell me, there wasn't even time to use the shift key. Oh wait, there was, but not for the things that would make your message easy to read with standard punctuation.
Today's next theme is: "Let me tell you all about what I ate so you feel like I'm a personal friend."
An email began: "I was just about to head to lunch at Chipotle and try to
beat the rush but wanted you to see this..."
This message showed up in my email box before breakfast, thanks for the irrelevant detail about your personal life.
Another starts: "Dude, I gotta tell you about this...
This morning I went over to my buddies
place for a traditional Irish breakfast: Irish bacon,
fried eggs, tomatoes, toast and beans.
Or so I thought."
No, Dude, I don't really care what you had for breakfast.
And then there's the meme of trying to win me over by telling me that I should admire your friends.
These are all separate emails that arrived in my email box in the last 24 hours.
"My friend [a] wants to turn YOU into an [catchy term]."
"My friend "[b]" has just released some extremely valuable
information and is allowing me to give it away to you for free
today ($97 value)!"
"Last month a couple of friends of mine - [c]
and [d] finished a new service they'd been working
on."
"My friend [e] just released the
internet's most massive giveaway ever:"
"[f] added you as a friend on Facebook..."
(That's hard to do since I'm not on Facebook.)
Remember, these all showed up this same morning, before my good friend and I went for a snack at McDonald's.
"I just finished talking with a friend of mine about an
ebook she just finished writing. [g] is currently
selling this but she has been generous enough to let me
offer it to my subscribers for FREE!"
"[h] has over delivered with this video tutorial course.
6 modules and over 2 hours of high quality internet marketing info," (This is how the email begins, and it doesn't come from h.)
"I found the owner of this technique, and
he was kind enough to put the 7 page PDF
up on the web for me and my subscribers.
Ironically, [i] already knew him." (Amazing, two people in the same small industry might have met! Will wonders never cease!)
"Hope you're doing great! Today is a great day because my good friend
and fellow marketer [j] has given me permission to grant
you access to a great f'ree report!"
"I just got a special tip from one of my friends, [k]."
"My friend, [l], has decided to
giveaway one of her ebooks on how you
can write like a MANIAC." (I thought I already had that handled, after all, it's crazy!)
Again, these all showed up the same day, before my friend and I went to the supermarket to take advantage of their good price on tomato soup. It's crazy how if you buy one can, the next is 50% off!
"My good buddy [m] has created a product showing step by step
how to grow your list by over 1000+ in only one month:"
"I've secured a VERY special free gift
for you, it's from my friend [n]."
"A friend of mine [o] has just finished his
new List Building report ..."
"I HAD to get this email to you right away, my close friend
[p] has allowed me to send you free backdoor access
to his incredible set of tutorials."
"[q], my friend from Canada has put together a fantastic free report for you:"
"A short message today...(from my friend [r])"
"I have something valuable for you that been set up with my marketing friend [s]-"
"I talked my good friend [t] into doing
something very special for my subscribers:-"
Did I mention that it's crazy that these all came in before I had my kielbasa and granola this morning? If you fry up the sausage and add milk to the granola, it's amazing how great it tastes!
"I HAD to get this email to you right away, my close friend [u] has allowed me to send you a f'ree link
to download his incredible PDF report."
"I have another awesome free gift for you from my
good friend [v]."
"My good buddy [w] has a truly useful gift for you
today. The PDF-Brander enables you to Brand your web-presence in
a viral newsletter that you can give away, thus getting yourself
known all over the web!"
"I have another awesome f'ree gift for you from my
good friend [x]."
"I've arranged a special free download for you from my friend [y]."
"Here's a awesome free gift for you from my good friend [z]" (First name only was used here... it's so urgent there's no time for last name or a period at the end of the sentence.
And I haven't even finished opening today's email!
Now this is crazy! Are all of these people really that friendly? Or all they all lazily overusing a trite way to try to build a sense of connection, without going to the bother of actually building a sense of connection?
Can all the lazy writers just go have breakfast with each other and stay out my mailbox, until they can come up with something that's original and actually interesting?
Chris
P.S. It's crazy, but I made up the tomato soup sale. I don't really know if there's a good price on it today or not. While I have my fries at McDonald's (I like 'em with ketchup), my friend will probably check the newspaper for coupons. that way if theres an extra special sale i wont miss out!!!!
Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.
Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.
Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.