Please review my sales copy (I'm not a copywriter)

Your layout's too wide, making it narrower will make it easier to read.

The header image is not good, I'd scrap it completely.

Use your photo at the start of the letter. If possible, before and after pics are desirable.

The rest of the copy seems well structured and OK but is let down by poor English.

You want to increase the number of bullet points.

What's your USP, that is what makes you stand out from everyone else? You say the yoga movements are unique, if so, then how did you learn them? You could make that story part of your copy, and if it's interesting enough, part of your headline. Because at the moment there's nothing on your page to differentiate it from the countless other exercise regimes out there.

And I've just noticed your title tag's 'index'.

Finally, I was a little turned off by the personal hygiene bonus, I don't know how relevant it is to your market.

Hope some of this helps.

The headline refers to yoga movements, but the subhead refers to a "secret recipe." That made me confused about whether the rest of the letter was going to be about exercise or nutrition.

The header refers to "safely kept" secrets but the body text doesn't say anything about the secrets or how safely they're kept.

Before and after pix of men and women who have used your techniques would sure help.

The pix at the top are about women but at the end of the letter we see you're a guy. That might turn off some women unless you have pix of some women you've helped to get in shape.

The page title shouldn't be "index."

In the testimonials, take out "Message," every greeting except your name, and every complimentary close except "Thanks" or "Love."

"Yes please let me in" comes before you've really demonstrated the value. If you want to link to the sales page this early in the ad, maybe the link could say "I'm ready to get these secrets for myself."

I agree that the hygiene bonus seems out of place. Maybe just a change of title would help? "Your manual of holistic health care" or something like that? Without reading the book I don't know what would be a better title. The existing title kind of implies that the buyer needs to learn how to use the bathroom.

Take out the web hosting link, it doesn't help sell your ebook.

But there's a bigger question.

"Happy mind beautiful body" is a killer domain name for health and self-improvement. I wonder if you're underusing it to just sell one yoga course. With that domain name you could have all kinds of offers about meditation, inner peace, cruelty-free cosmetics, exercise, positive relationships... You could build a list and establish a connection that would let you sell offer after offer to the same list. I have to wonder if this site could be much bigger for you than this one course.

Chris

Is English your first language? I believe you need to hire a copywriter to re-do it because a lot of it doesn't even make sense...

...or you can take all the wonderful advice above and work on it for numerous hours more and still probably not have that great of a salespage because you seem to be confused about what exactly your prospects want and what you are selling to them.

Like I said, a good copywriter can take care of that.

Thanks for these awesome comments.. Yep, English is not my 1st language. But that's not a barrier to keep going I think

I'm open and want to work with one good copywriter on this... so please email me or pm me for more details...

you can email me on: davidsaaf@gmail.com



Best
David

The header - absolutely kill it... grammatical mistakes and actually hurts my eyes just to look at it...

the text like others stated is too wide, make it more cramped... yeah be more precise and consistant when you promise secrets talk about secrets if you promise about jealously kept then touch the phrase a few time during the letter... try to make everything more closely related... don't know why anyone would like the extra hygiene guide but well, it's an extra... so I don't know about that, maybe leave it... and the whole color of green somehow doesn't match the whole aspect of what your selling, it somehow doesn't FIT... in my opinion atleast... doesn't feel natural.. I can't say which color would but when thinking about yoga and stuff like that green definitely doesn't come to mind...

just my 2 cents..
But not bad if this is your first sales page..!