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Be Gentle With Me

by sanssecret
20 replies
Ok,
I admit after having read some of the reviews here in the copywriting forum, I'm scared s***less about doing this but the fact is if I don't do it, I wont' learn a damn thing so here goes.

This is actually a PLR product that I got from right here in WF and so I did have a starting point. Not sure if that's good or bad. But I've changed the copy (not the graphics yet) and just would like some feedback on it.

www . discoversignsofcheating.com
#gentle
  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Go gentle huh? 'K. Not sure about the header and the rather gloomy dark blue background. Guess you have to split-test it. Your headline would be better in inverted commas and reading

    worried that your partner is up to no good?

    "Find Out For Sure If Your Partner Is Cheating On You"

    ...and what you can do about it

    Use a full frontal headshot at top left and another when you sign off. Copy reads alright. Could be longer and break it up with more photos. Use an Ultimate Belcher Button saying "Add to Cart". Here's the wizard - The UBB Ultimate Belcher Button Wizard | TroyNotes

    You're probably better off getting a female writer to advise on this. Like Collette or Nicola or Cori or Rachel. That gentle enough for you? cheers, Mal.
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    • Profile picture of the author sanssecret
      First off, thank you. Yes that is more than gentle enough.

      The graphics were part of the package and I just haven't got round to changing them yet. (not that techie with websites and stuff). But will look into it asap.

      The picture of me? Hmm, dont' really want my face on it, but apparently I can 'buy' someone else's? (who knew).

      Off to get the belcher button now.

      Copy reads alright.
      OMG, I'm buzzing, lol.

      Thanks again.
      Signature
      San

      The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life. ~Muhammad Ali
      Pay me to play. :) Order a Custom Cover today.
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      • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
        Banned
        Originally Posted by sanssecret View Post

        First off, thank you. Yes that is more than gentle enough.

        The graphics were part of the package and I just haven't got round to changing them yet. (not that techie with websites and stuff). But will look into it asap.

        The picture of me? Hmm, dont' really want my face on it, but apparently I can 'buy' someone else's? (who knew).

        Off to get the belcher button now.

        OMG, I'm buzzing, lol.

        Thanks again.
        If you're going to add testimonials you probably should read up on the new FTC rules if you're targeting the U.S. market. FTC Publishes Final Guides Governing Endorsements, Testimonials

        If you want to split-test the colors, look for the html codes and swap them. Pick a color here - http://www.computerhope.com/htmcolor.htm

        And you could hit the "thanks" button at bottom right. I don't really care but future commenters might like to be acknowledged.
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        • Profile picture of the author sanssecret
          Originally Posted by Metronicity View Post

          If you're going to add testimonials you probably should read up on the new FTC rules if you're targeting the U.S. market. FTC Publishes Final Guides Governing Endorsements, Testimonials

          If you want to split-test the colors, look for the html codes and swap them. Pick a color here - HTML color codes

          And you could hit the "thanks" button at bottom right. I don't really care but future commenters might like to be acknowledged.
          You're right. I can hit the 'thanks' button. Normally do, so apologies for not doing it in this instance. No excuse other than the fact I really was worried about asking for help. (and that's not really good enough )

          Not planning on putting up any testimonials unless anyone actually bothers to send one after buying the book. Like I said, this is a plr product so I don't have any testimonials and I don't do lying. (the book is actually very good, which is why I have no problem in setting up the site)

          Finally got the belcher button up, (with a lot of help from cdarklock so thank you petal). Now just need to sort out graphics and colours.

          Thanks again.
          Signature
          San

          The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life. ~Muhammad Ali
          Pay me to play. :) Order a Custom Cover today.
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          • Profile picture of the author Collette
            I only have time for a quickie scan and the copy strikes me as a bit academic and dry for such an emotional subject.

            People who suspect they're being cheated on go through a powerful roller-coaster of emotions. At least, people who care enough to be looking for your kind of product.

            The copy really isn't tapping into these emotions, or the insecurities and unmet emotional desires that create and drive these emotions.

            I'll come back later tonight and look at the page when I have time. Meanwhile, try to put yourself in the prospect's shoes, and imagine going through this situation.
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            • Profile picture of the author Gale10
              Originally Posted by Ken_Caudill View Post

              "Catch That Lying, Cheating ******* and Make Him Pay"


              ROFLMAO! Ya gotta love The Copywriting Forum!

              Ruth
              Signature

              Want well-written articles from a native English speaking writer? Want them written quickly with the minimum of fuss? Want one revision free?

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            • Profile picture of the author sanssecret
              Originally Posted by Collette View Post

              I only have time for a quickie scan and the copy strikes me as a bit academic and dry for such an emotional subject.

              People who suspect they're being cheated on go through a powerful roller-coaster of emotions. At least, people who care enough to be looking for your kind of product.

              The copy really isn't tapping into these emotions, or the insecurities and unmet emotional desires that create and drive these emotions.

              I'll come back later tonight and look at the page when I have time. Meanwhile, try to put yourself in the prospect's shoes, and imagine going through this situation.
              I don't have to imagine this, I went through it. That bit about asking at work and him coming clean the very next day? Totally true!

              You're probably right about it being a bit dry. I think that's partly the way I write, and partly because those feelings really aren't pretty and i'm not so sure they'd 'sell'. However, I see what you mean and maybe I should concentrate on how it felt before finding out as opposed to after.

              Thanks for taking a look for me. Much appreciated.
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              San

              The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life. ~Muhammad Ali
              Pay me to play. :) Order a Custom Cover today.
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            • Profile picture of the author sanssecret
              Originally Posted by Ken_Caudill View Post

              "Catch That Lying, Cheating ******* and Make Him Pay"
              PMSL, but unfortunately the product doesn't go into ways to make them pay! Damn, must find a good book that does just that and offer it as a bonus.
              Signature
              San

              The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life. ~Muhammad Ali
              Pay me to play. :) Order a Custom Cover today.
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    "Catch That Lying, Cheating ******* and Make Him a Candidate for the Castrato Choir"
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  • Profile picture of the author RogozRazvan
    "If You Don't Know What Your Partner Is Thinking ...
    Then He Is Almost Sure Thinking About Leaving You!"
    Read Forward To Discover The Three Sure Clues That A Man Is Cheating On You And He's Thinking Of Breaking-Up ... Plus How You Can Keep Your Loved One Next To You Forever!
    Never wrote for this niche though ... but it's classic salesmanship.
    I would go for the idea that every women is insecure about her man cheating/wanting to break up and focusing on that discussion. But that's just me J

    Good luck and PM if you need more help.
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    • Profile picture of the author sanssecret
      Hmm, seems everyone is in agreement about the background, lol. I'd have thought a gloomy background would be better given the topic itself isn't exactly a fun niche - shows how much I know. :confused:

      J, thanks for your sizzler. My concern is that it's trying to cross over between two niches. Cheaters aren't necessarily thinking of breaking up, and even with an 'if' in there, I'm still not sure. Will definitely think about it though. Certainly widens the audience.
      Signature
      San

      The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life. ~Muhammad Ali
      Pay me to play. :) Order a Custom Cover today.
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  • Profile picture of the author aaallday2010
    Upon first glance, the first thing that caught my attention was that atrocious background. Very gloomy indeed. I know you said you are going to change it, but please let that be your very first change you make. It's that important.

    I think most of your target audience will be women, so go with lighter pastel colors. It's more inviting.
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  • Profile picture of the author Moolah_Copywriting
    San,
    You've already received some terrific advice here. I would add that you need to add "an upside" to this letter. I understand that anger, suspicion, and betrayal are key emotions here - but you need to sell the picture after you've caught the cheater. Give 'em something to look forward to. Afterall, the end result isn't an broken relationship - but the freedom to find someone better!

    Stan
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    • Profile picture of the author sanssecret
      Thanks Stan

      You're right. There is an upside, (every cloud has a silver lining huh?).

      I plan on getting stuck in to this at the weekend. At the moment, I just don't have the time to do anything with the site, (this week is throwing me one family crisis after another) which is very frustrating for me but also must be a pain in the neck for you guys who've given me all the advice and must be wondering why the heck I haven't sorted it out yet.

      Sorry.
      Signature
      San

      The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life. ~Muhammad Ali
      Pay me to play. :) Order a Custom Cover today.
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  • Profile picture of the author TheGraduate
    I did not read the copy, I really believe that there is not much room for you to go wrong in your salescopy for that particular niche (the headline says it all: Find out if your partner is cheating on you ....I do not think I even had to read the copy if I was somebody looking for that kind of info), what I am wondering is: How do you plan to reach potential buyers in that particular niche?

    I have a product which was created specifically for Golddiggers looking to meet rich guys, but how do you reach that market? all the keywords that attract Golddiggers are been strongly hit by powerful so called millionaire dating sites....
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    amazing product coming soon!
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    • Profile picture of the author sanssecret
      Well folks

      thanks to one of the most awesome WSO's ever (http://www.warriorforum.com/warrior-...-only-7-a.html), I've managed to change the look of the site.

      Admittedly I haven't worked too much on the copy, but the problems I've had trying to work with PSD files (had to give up in the end) have taken me to the brink of a breakdown.

      Anyway, I'd be grateful if you'd take a second look.

      (posting the link again to save you scrolling back up - see how kind I am :p)
      Discover the Signs of Cheating | Learn How and Why People Cheat and How to Stop It!
      Signature
      San

      The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life. ~Muhammad Ali
      Pay me to play. :) Order a Custom Cover today.
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      • Profile picture of the author TheGraduate
        Originally Posted by sanssecret View Post

        Well folks

        thanks to one of the most awesome WSO's ever (http://www.warriorforum.com/warrior-...-only-7-a.html), I've managed to change the look of the site.

        Admittedly I haven't worked too much on the copy, but the problems I've had trying to work with PSD files (had to give up in the end) have taken me to the brink of a breakdown.

        Anyway, I'd be grateful if you'd take a second look.

        (posting the link again to save you scrolling back up - see how kind I am :p)
        Discover the Signs of Cheating | Learn How and Why People Cheat and How to Stop It!
        very nice looking minisite now...

        in your sentence at the top: Are you worried what.....
        it should read: Are you worried about what... or Are you wondering what...
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        amazing product coming soon!
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        • Profile picture of the author sanssecret
          Damn! Not more messing with images lol. I'm hoping to put today into the copy and if possible resolving the problems I'm having with the PSD's. Then I might actually get round to doing some promotion for the site and testing out differences.

          As for how to reach the target group? Well, that's a whole other ball game isn't it? I haven't done too much with the site yet as I wanted to fix it up first. Now that it's almost there, I need to start thinking about traffic and conversions and all that kind of stuff. I have my own methods on article marketing so will set to with that next week and hopefully that'll help.
          Signature
          San

          The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life. ~Muhammad Ali
          Pay me to play. :) Order a Custom Cover today.
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