First time make presell--need comment on my presell!!!!

10 replies
Hey guy

This is the first time i make presell. Writing this presell took me about 2 week time, as English is not my first language so it was so hard for me to write. You notice how i write it so mass and terrible. But, i try my best to write it.

Along this 2 week i just got not idea what to write and how can i write?:confused:
Then finally i got it done, i would like to hear comment on the presell so i can make correction on it.

I am not sure is the title is ok. So please please comment......

I am so desperate now, if some one can help me out. That will be the good thing ever happen on my life.

So here is the presell:

Are you struggling with lose stubborn belly fat? Here Is The Answer You Look For!!!!

Let's think about why you are here.

You are tired and frustrated with trying time and time again to lose stubborn belly fat? It seems that those stubborn belly fat just want to hang around your belly.

Whichever situation that you are in, we are pretty much having the same kind of mindset - to learn about lose stubborn belly fat! You might probably been wondering if it is possible for you to do it. I have the exact same thought too. And believe me, you can do that as well!

Don't stop pursuing your dream!
And what were the possible problems
that were holding you back?

**********Eating late at night - if you want to control your stomach fat, you should never eat within three hours of your bedtime. You want your food to have a chance to fully digest before you retire for the evening.

Going to bed with a full stomach puts you at greater risk for fat storage around the middle area. If you are going to munch late at night, eat something healthy like a banana or a small handful of almonds.

*********Stress - this is a big one. And of course, stress doesn't just make your stomach bigger, it can make everything bigger if you're not careful. When you are under stress, your body releases the hormone cortisol.

In turn, this hormone causes your liver to make excess sugar that your body doesn't really need. As a result, you begin to feel hungrier and begin to eat more. And guess what...a lot of those calories go straight to your stomach!

*********Genetics - there are two common body types: apple and pear.
If you gain and store fat in lower parts of your body then you would be considered pear-shaped.

If you're the kind of person that stores more fat in your stomach and middle section than anywhere else then you would be considered apple-shaped.

Think about your relatives...especially those that are overweight. If a lot of them are heavier around the middle area then it's quite possible that you have the genes that make you genetically apple-shaped when you put on excess weight. Meaning your body is more likely to store its fat in your stomach than anywhere else.

Please Wait!!!
Don't leave yet!!!

How to lose stubborn belly fat-

After all, what I was really searching for, was a step-by-step guide on how to lose stubborn belly fat.

There are several lose stubborn belly fat guides that can teach you to lose weight. Find one that suites you kiss your overweight goodbye.

I know that what I am about to reveal to you can be almost impossible to believe. But it is 100% truth! I really recommend it and just see the testimonials from users who have triumphed even severe belly fat for good.

Strip that fat teaches the fundamentals of good nutrition, goes in-depth about many of today's fad diets and why they don't work, incorporates your favorite foods into a customized diet plan.

This diet book is suitable for everyone - men and women, young and old, people with just a little weight to lose, and those who are obese. This book clearly tells you how to do just that. It is hard to find any other book that shows you how to lose stubborn belly fat.

I will get right to the point: Yes, this book actually does work. . The methods are easy to understand and are not hard to follow. So if you are serious about getting rid of your stubborn belly fat once and for all, give it a try. It comes with an 8 week money back guarantee if you are not satisfied, so what have you got to lose?

Start burning fat today the healthy way with your very own personalized version of strip that fat by clicking right here!
#comment #first time make presell #landing page #make #presell #presell need help #presell page #presellneed #time
  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    Congratulations for a great effort. It takes a lot of determination to work so far outside your comfort zone. By that I mean to have to think and write in a language other than your own.

    With that said, I can see what you're trying to get across but it's not working. There are native English speakers who would have trouble writing sale material so there's no shame in that at all. Everyone has a special gift. Some can sing, some can write, some can teach... I think one of the most important things in life is to figure out what you're good at doing and run with it.

    If you want to sell any of your product you're going to need a professionally written landing page. Think of how long you worked on this. Time is money. Find the things you do well and then do them. For everything else, outsource. Good luck.
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    • Profile picture of the author zackick
      Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

      Congratulations for a great effort. It takes a lot of determination to work so far outside your comfort zone. By that I mean to have to think and write in a language other than your own.

      With that said, I can see what you're trying to get across but it's not working. There are native English speakers who would have trouble writing sale material so there's no shame in that at all. Everyone has a special gift. Some can sing, some can write, some can teach... I think one of the most important things in life is to figure out what you're good at doing and run with it.

      If you want to sell any of your product you're going to need a professionally written landing page. Think of how long you worked on this. Time is money. Find the things you do well and then do them. For everything else, outsource. Good luck.
      Hey travlinguy

      Thank for encouragement that really help. Is my first time, just need some time to get to know what to write so the next time it will be easy.
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      • Profile picture of the author zackick
        ok i never thought that warrior forum member is soooo not want to help each other.

        This make me very sad.

        I thought here will people can help, my thought obviously wrong

        Obsolutely
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        • Originally Posted by zackick View Post

          ok i never thought that warrior forum member is soooo not want to help each other.

          This make me very sad.

          I thought here will people can help, my thought obviously wrong

          Obsolutely
          Most people here would not reply because they did not want to hurt your feelings.

          Since you insist on complaining, I would be happy to tell you the unvarnished truth. Don't complain if this hurts your feelings.

          Your English sucks so your copy sucks even more. You have no business writing English copy. No one can tell you how to fix it because the copy is that bad. You were advised to hire a copywriter. Do it. This copy is beyond help. It is bad English and bad copy.

          Is that the help you were looking for?
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          • Profile picture of the author Hugh Thyer
            When people ask for honest feedback, sometimes they get more than they bargained for. Kevin is 100% correct and while I don't want to offend, I will say that writing for weight loss is very complicated. There are a lot of things to get right and to include.

            One of the things to be wary of is how far to push. You cannot offend your prospect or they'll leave. You have to push the right buttons in the right way and its very tough to do.

            If you don't know how to do this you'll find it hard. If your English is limited it'll be impossible.

            The best advice is to hand it over to a professional copywriter. If they do it well and you've got the rest of it sorted out (ie traffic, quality product etc) you'll make your money back easily.

            Hugh
            Signature

            Ever wondered how copywriters work with their clients? I've answered that very question in detail-> www.salescomefirst.com
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  • Profile picture of the author zackick
    Originally Posted by Nathan Segal View Post

    Couple of things. Your English is really rough. Not surprising, since you said you're not a native speaker. What I would suggest is that you find an English speaking copywriter who can write your text for you. In lieu of that, I suggest you check out this site (no, I'm not an affiliate): 5 Tips to Lose Stomach Fat, Get Flat Six Pack Abs, Ab Workouts, Abdominal Exercises
    Thank Nathan for the help.
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  • Profile picture of the author zackick
    yeah kevin you are right that is really truth suck and i will take it!!!!!!!!

    and get the hell out of here and improve it. Happy
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  • Profile picture of the author zackick
    hey Kevin

    i have rewrite the first draft version and i must say

    the second version of my is lot more better and this time not more silly grammar of any suck thing came out.
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