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Sarcasm is welcomed, but constructive critism would be more effective.

by shabit87
19 replies
Please share your thoughts on this heading and subheading. I want to post a WSO tomorrow, but thought it might be a good idea to get some feedback first.

Some know the mental results from a past thread, now learn the financial results!


I was robbed at gunpoint, abandoned by my roommate, and spent the night in a local Waffle House, and the results? I got motivated to succeed!


Warning!


If you're not ready to take action and stop whining, leave this page NOW!

I'm going to show you how a tragedy motivated me to get serious about internet marketing and how it led me to profit $200 in 30 minutes.
#constructive #critism #effective #sarcasm #welcomed
  • Profile picture of the author dtendrich
    Hey,

    Great start. I'd incorporate the benefit a bit more into the headline..

    So, for example...

    I was robbed at gunpoint, abandoned by my roommate, and spent the night in a local Waffle House... And the result? I figured out how to make $200 in 30 minutes online.

    True story: See how I did it below - and how you can do it too... Without being robbed ;-)

    Hope this helps,
    David
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    Copywriting Tips, internet marketing jargon, thoughts, and rants by me.

    Atlanta Copywriter, serving clients worldwide.

    Write your life.
    David Tendrich
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  • Profile picture of the author Moolah_Copywriting
    Love it...You're almost there. The last part "I got motivated to succeed" actually completes the headline and give the reader no reason to go further.

    Try this instead...

    I was robbed at gunpoint, abandoned by my roommate, and spent the night in a local Waffle House before I learned this "street-smart" money-making secret...

    Be careful about the tough love in your original headline - people want help not a kick in the butt (even though that may be what they need). People rarely blame themselves for lack of success so they won't understand the "whining" bit.
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Shabit, two days ago I suggested in your original front page thread (post #21) you run a WSO with this head -

    "I Was Robbed at Gunpoint and as a Result ..."

    The advice still stands. You don't need anything else. That's what I call a "grab 'em by the cojones" headline. 100% of your visitors are going to read on. You have them hooked. You just need to reel 'em in. But lose this - "
    Warning!


    If you're not ready to take action and stop whining, leave this page NOW!
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Seems she used my headline in a WSO but got herself banned -
    This WSO has been locked following blatant promotion in the main forum and through PM spamming.

    JohnTaylor
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    Anyway...she could whine or she could turn this to her advantage -

    "I Was Robbed at Gunpoint and as a Result ...
    got myself banned from the Warrior Forum"

    ...don't let this happen to you.
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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    "I Robbed People At Gunpoint And Branded Myself As A Good Guy"

    Discover The Dirty Little Secrets That Will Allow
    You To Do The Same...


    Robin Hood
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    • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
      Banned
      Originally Posted by travlinguy View Post

      "I Robbed People At Gunpoint And Branded Myself As A Good Guy"

      Discover The Dirty Little Secrets That Will Allow
      You Do Do The Same...


      Robin Hood
      Yeah man...I'm up for some of that "Do Do" - is it good?
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  • Profile picture of the author The Copy Nazi
    Banned
    "I was robbed by two men" was part of a meme getting around last year. 2:22 in this video -



    Note the comments - "Why is George Constanza wearing a bra on his head?"

    And the guy at the end sounds like Maxwell Smart.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter
    Originally Posted by Nathan Segal View Post

    A point of clarification here (and I'm sure most of you know this anyway).

    What's interesting about this thread is what happened last night. My girlfriend wrote a post of support for the OP, and a short time later, was spammed with a PM promoting her WSO. Obviously it wasn't a one time thing. Both of us made posts about the deception and manipulation, then woke up this am to find the OP's thread deleted and her WSO locked. It seems we weren't the only ones who complained.
    I'm working on software now to scrape the PM links for every member of the WF then automatically send each one a PM whenever I have a WSO. Do you think it will get me in trouble?
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    Works for Anybody, Any niche - It's so simple you'll wonder why everyone isn't using it
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    • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
      Originally Posted by Kevin-VirtualProfitCenter View Post

      I'm working on software now to scrape the PM links for every member of the WF then automatically send each one a PM whenever I have a WSO. Do you think it will get me in trouble?
      Of course it won't! As this is a forum for marketers I expect most of them will thank you for your ingenious idea.

      But you're not thinking big enough. Why not use your PM list to promote high paying CPA offers and adult sites. What can go wrong?

      And after you've milked it for everything it's worth you can then sell the list on BlueFart forums. Easy money.

      With thinking like this you're destined for great things, I applaud you.

      If anyone actually does this please don't ban me, it's all Kevin's idea, he made me do it.
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      Andrew Gould

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  • Profile picture of the author dtendrich
    Put it in a WSO. I wanna buy it.
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    Copywriting Tips, internet marketing jargon, thoughts, and rants by me.

    Atlanta Copywriter, serving clients worldwide.

    Write your life.
    David Tendrich
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