I need a good copywriter :(

Wow your sales page's headline is reeeeaaallllyyyy long That alone should be changed ASAP!

The background-red bar stretching the width of the page looks as if the letter ends at "...without giving up the things that are most important to you."

Little tip. Don't make the letter look like it ends before you 1) mention you have something to sell 2) Ask for the money

Think about getting rid of the color bars (or any element, really) which are visual speed bumps or barriers to reading. You want subheads to do that work, not design elements.

The order button almost invisibly blends into the image for the book. Make sure order buttons 1) Look like clickable buttons 2) Are highly visible

A lot of the bullets aren't compelling. Unfortunately, they are also so information poor it's hard to figure out what they actually mean to even guess at a rewrite.

Finally, you don't explain why anyone should believe what you say. The letter is all claims, no proof. You're so petrified about not giving anything away, the reader gets the impression of no "there" there.

You may have heard the line "sell the sizzle, not the steak." You get nowhere trying to charge money simply the hear the sizzle. You give the sizzle away in order to get people to buy the steak.

Think about a theme or big idea which ties the elements together, like exposing the wedding industry.

Unfortunately, too many people are selling the sizzle ...then delivering a cold, stale, ham sandwich. You'll have to do exponentially better convincing people you can do what you claim. Testimonials and some background can accomplish that.

Finally, planning a wedding seems like a lot of work and frustration. What you're selling seems like a whole lot more work on top of everything else ...extra work haggling (many people hate negotiating and beating up people over price). ....extra work on research, price checking and comparison shopping (to the reader's mind, you just doubled or tripled the number of places to check out. So it seems like stacking all that stuff on top the magazines and brochures already piled up will make a bride's head explode)

The market for head exploding complications is relatively small, is my guess.

Anything that makes the process more horrendous than it already is would be a sales disaster. So I sorta understand the results.

When you're talking about saving 75% on $22,000 (average) weddings, you should be left with a budget fitting most copywriters. Not even an issue for someone such as yourself.

I'm no expert on color, but when I first see the site the color red screams "danger". Maybe that's your intent, but it took me viewing the site three times before I noticed the "warning" part at the top.

If you stick with the red color (which may actually work for you) then the warning should be a bit bigger or made to stand out some other kind of way.

My eyes headed straight for the headline that reads "Discover Exactly How..." And that's not necessarily a bad thing, but the warning part needs to be more noticable in my opinion. The color red is a subconcious stop sign, which goes well with the "warning" quote. The problem is, the "warning" quote I barely see.

How about "Dear Future Bride, Planning Your Wedding Day Before Reading This Guide Will Cause You To Waste Your Money!!!" ?

Nobody likes to waste their money, it's a powerful hook.

And THEN give them the congratulations.

Mircea,

Just because a professional copywriter is a mom and works at home doesn't mean she should undercharge for her services.

I don't mean to sound argumentative, but being a single mom who works at home (just as most freelance copywriters do), I get upset when people think I somehow need less of an income than others.

Janet

Lose the prehead entirely.

Get some more white space in the deck and start off with a powerful headline.

You can always try a new twist on an old favorite like this...

I'm not getting married any time soon, but I almost wanted to buy from the headline. Why? Because I have champagne taste, but would prefer a beer budget. On everything. Almost bought it for if/when I do get married. If the rest of the copy is that good, you should do fine.

Come back in a week or so with new test results. If you still need a copywriter, I'm sure plenty of people here (including myself) would be willing to help. My rates & portfolio are in my signature, and being female, I do have a slight advantage in writing for your target market.

Good luck!

- Cherilyn

Mostly good copywriters are busy, mostly...

Colm