Selling the dream to the 'average joe'

14 years ago

Too many words, too little point-of-reference material
(empathy) for the average guy.

I don't even know what $100+/m is supposed to mean.
Neither will most - but my reading is you're saying you
make over $100 every month with affiliate marketing,
which hardly seems to justify tone here.

[ 2 ] Thanks
2 replies

Signature

HOT! $25,000,000/yr Copywriter's Secret Bookâ€”FREE! |
*Breakthrough Marketing Blog (+ goodies) *
CopyWriting Services

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1916187].message }}

Daniel Brock

14 years ago

Originally Posted by Loren Woirhaye

Too many words, too little point-of-reference material
(empathy) for the average guy.

I don't even know what $100+/m is supposed to mean.
Neither will most - but my reading is you're saying you
make over $100 every month with affiliate marketing,
which hardly seems to justify tone here.

What do you mean by: too little point-of-reference material.

Do you mean not enough relation to the average guy?

Like i should try and address the conversation in their head more.

Also, the $100/m headline is probably doing my not justice.

The headline is supposed to tell the person that they can pump out $100/m affiliate sites in under an hour...I guess I should put a better time reference in the head line?

Or perhaps forget the $100/m figure and go for something like:

how I sold $109,000 of physical products with less than 30 days of work and I never had to lift a finger

This copywriting stuff sure is hard. I should probably give in and pay someone who is good at it lol.

Thanks

Signature

Clickbank #1 Best Seller: The Deadbeat Super Affiliate.
Click here to learn how to make money online in your bath robe and gym socks!

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1919131].message }}

peter_act

14 years ago

Originally Posted by Loren Woirhaye

Too many words, too little point-of-reference material
(empathy) for the average guy.

I don't even know what $100+/m is supposed to mean.
Neither will most - but my reading is you're saying you
make over $100 every month with affiliate marketing,
which hardly seems to justify tone here.

Hi Dan,

Actually I thought it was pretty good, if a bit too "IM jargony" for the average Joe, so I agree with Loren.

I too had no idea what $100+/m meant, and I've been around a while.

Also, I agree that pop-up came in far too early in the piece, and was annoying.

I also have a problem with long sales letters - I just give up reading and click away, but that's just me.

Apart from these (hopefully) constructive comments, as I say, I thought it was pretty good.

I'm lurking around here trying to get ideas for the sales copy of my new book, in which you feature!

Cheers,

Thanks

Signature

Cheap websites for small businesses: Affordable mobile websites
Get a free autoresponder here: Money Making Opportunities

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1920039].message }}

dtendrich

14 years ago

Hey,

I think the key to a product like this is either build a relationship via a blog/newsletter (so they trust you before seeing this over-the-top sales message)...

Or...

Take the road that Ryan Deiss did in his Ultimate List Building product sales page...

Something like...

"If it really was that easy then everyone on-line would be making six-figures or more - you have to put some hard work into it. But if you're willing - I can show you."

He did both though. He sent his list to that sales page. But I think if you're going for cold traffic, you gotta make the message realistic. Even if your product really makes it that easy, I don't know average joe surfin the web after working his 9-5 all day is gonna buy into it.

Best of luck,
David

[ 1 ] Thanks

Signature

Copywriting Tips, internet marketing jargon, thoughts, and rants by me.

Atlanta Copywriter, serving clients worldwide.

Write your life.
David Tendrich

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1916224].message }}

Vendor-Lock

14 years ago

I agree with Loren and dtendrich here,

build a relationship. use autoreponders to help you with that. ( aweber is good )

really spell out each thing, like you're talking to a 5 year old. That line of thinking makes better explainations for the average joe to understand.

also, I agree with $100 month not being a good sales pitch. Maybe leave that out until you can say for real that you are making over $1000 per month from it.

Be honest about it too. People will appreciate your honesty and gain respect for you.

Then they will not have any issues buying something you've suggested to them.

Copywrite is tough. Get it right and you're kickings some sales butt.... get it wrong and you'll wondering why NO ONE is buying.

I find going through other successful site's sales copy line by line,
and really breaking down WHY they say each line...
is an excellent way to get ideas for your own sales copy. Some guys spend $10,000 per page on copy. Why not go look at that and use it as a blueprint ?

that's what I do. You don't copy what they wrote, you copy the idea !

there is a reason for each line in good sales copy. They are not just random words thrown on a page. Each line is a phycological " trick " almost. So, study up on this and you'll be fine. There are a ton of free resorces to learn good newsletter and website page copy. Just follow the experts !

cheers
Jeff Noyes

[ 1 ] Thanks

Signature

See why Hundreds of Warrior Forum Members are using this! ==>Get Yours NOW CLICK HERE <==
Rave Reviews From Warriors Using This Service For Years Now ! Full Autoresponder/Hosting Done For You! Read for Yourself !

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1916324].message }}

Loren Woirhaye

14 years ago

Your graphics approach here is so slick and "IM"ish I
wonder if you really do want to target average Joe's.

I were them I might be intimidated by your polish and
think it was a slick con.

Thanks
1 reply

Signature

HOT! $25,000,000/yr Copywriter's Secret Bookâ€”FREE! |
*Breakthrough Marketing Blog (+ goodies) *
CopyWriting Services

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1916566].message }}

jukeboxhero

14 years ago

It seems you need a U.S.P then drive 1 or 2 points home hard... Right now, to me, it looks like too many things for too many people.'

It looks like you've got great proof elements but they are burried in a sea of fluff....

Your headline seems like your copy WAAAY too wordy...

Remember there's a difference between long copy and long winded copy.

After looking again I don't know why you wouldn't eliminate everything past up from the shocking proof subhead...

The shocking proof get attention... but you've got it burried in a sea of wordiness....

"Chances are, if you are reading this, you are still unsure of whether or not my Profitzon course is right for you. Maybe I'm wasn't but now I am

I want you to think about the price that I am charging for this, and what it is really worth to you... Never ask people go inside there heads and start thinking about prices....

I am giving you my proven, and working business model on a silver platter..... What is a silver platter and what's proven about your system? It looked like you had proof so use it here get specific...

This EXACT system is how I made my first successes as an affiliate marketer where all other methods had failed for me....GET SPECIFIC What success....

Think of it as an investment... Wow, this changes things..NOT

What's $47 now, when you could very well be pumping out your first $100+/m affiliate website by this time tomorrow?

Most likely, my course will pay itself off within the first month(and then some), by simply following the exact blueprint.

Sometimes you have to jump into things...this is one of those times.

I didn't have time to go through the body but it seems you piddle out and resort to nothingness here at the close... As a reader it makes me question everything about the offer because frankly you don't even sound confident... You lack congruency between your claim and your copy...

To your credit... quite often that last bit of copy is like "can we just get done with this thing"... But it's the close... So it'd better be good.

[ 1 ] Thanks
1 reply

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1916617].message }}

Daniel Brock

14 years ago

Awesome. Thanks everyone. I really see what you are saying.

The headline was one thing I wasn't really confident about as I had quickly made it as a place holder for a better one.

So you guys think I should cut back on the hype if selling to the general audience, or that I just need to do it better?

What about hammering in on the 'easy to do' aspect of it?

The flow is one thing you guys suggested was messed up, I agree with that. Definitely will be playing around with this one for awhile.

Maybe I'd be better off hiring someone lol.

Thanks again, and everyone else, feel free to critique.

-Dan

Thanks
1 reply

Signature

Clickbank #1 Best Seller: The Deadbeat Super Affiliate.
Click here to learn how to make money online in your bath robe and gym socks!

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1917104].message }}

dtendrich

14 years ago

Hey dude - no problem

Thanks for listening.

Hype obviously works - but I think it needs to be grounded in something that really shows confidence... Like a really, really strong money-back guarantee. Or a double-your-money back guarantee. Or a 365-day money back guarantee.

And the price needs to match that as well. I didn't see your price point, but I think someone should have to reach into their pocket a bit to feel like it's really worth it.

...Or have a really good reason for having a low price point

(i.e. This is the first time I'm launching this to the general market. I've offered it in small internet marketing groups and tons of people saw great results - but this is my first "big launch"...

Because of that I'm offering a crazy-good discount for the first 200 people to buy. After that, the price doubles which is what I sold it at before... etc., etc., etc.)

Somethin like that.

Awesome luck

David

Thanks
1 reply

Signature

Copywriting Tips, internet marketing jargon, thoughts, and rants by me.

Atlanta Copywriter, serving clients worldwide.

Write your life.
David Tendrich

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1919057].message }}

Daniel Brock

14 years ago

Originally Posted by dtendrich

Hey dude - no problem

Thanks for listening.

Hype obviously works - but I think it needs to be grounded in something that really shows confidence... Like a really, really strong money-back guarantee. Or a double-your-money back guarantee. Or a 365-day money back guarantee.

And the price needs to match that as well. I didn't see your price point, but I think someone should have to reach into their pocket a bit to feel like it's really worth it.

...Or have a really good reason for having a low price point

(i.e. This is the first time I'm launching this to the general market. I've offered it in small internet marketing groups and tons of people saw great results - but this is my first "big launch"...

Because of that I'm offering a crazy-good discount for the first 200 people to buy. After that, the price doubles which is what I sold it at before... etc., etc., etc.)

Somethin like that.

Awesome luck

David

Thanks man. Makes a lot of sense.

Do you find that you need to answer the question 'why is this guy selling it so cheap if he is making xxxx/m?'

Is that the whole point behind justifying the price by saying you are doing a special launch price to 'test' things?

Thanks
1 reply

Signature

Clickbank #1 Best Seller: The Deadbeat Super Affiliate.
Click here to learn how to make money online in your bath robe and gym socks!

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1919157].message }}

dtendrich

14 years ago

Originally Posted by Daniel Brock

Thanks man. Makes a lot of sense.

Do you find that you need to answer the question 'why is this guy selling it so cheap if he is making xxxx/m?'

Is that the whole point behind justifying the price by saying you are doing a special launch price to 'test' things?

Hey, np

Yeah - exactly. Because when someone sees a great offer, and then a low price, their gut instinct is to think...

"Well, if it REALLY does what it says it does, then why isn't he charging a heck of a lot more for it?"

So it's like you're sitting down with that person and explaining to them...

"Hey - you're right. I should charge more. And I will! But for just a little while, I want to introduce it at a more accessible price to get some buzz going and to gather some testimonials. I know once people start seeing killer results with this thing that it'll take off on its own and I can charge a lot more for it. Fair enough?"

David

Thanks

Signature

Copywriting Tips, internet marketing jargon, thoughts, and rants by me.

Atlanta Copywriter, serving clients worldwide.

Write your life.
David Tendrich

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1919205].message }}

travlinguy

14 years ago

Use a story to sell the dream. There's a very old formula that still works wonders. It's referred to as the Feel, Felt, Found approach. It goes something like this:

Have you ever wondered if making big money online is real? Are regular, average people like you actually able to make a living selling stuff on the Internet? Sometimes it all seems like so much garbage. If you've ever really wondered if making money online could be real for the average person, I know exactly how you feel. It wasn't long ago that I felt the same way... Let me show you what I found.

I've kept it short for the sake of this post but with an intro like this you've built the perfect set-up for selling the dream. From here you write about your struggle, all of your trial and error, all the programs you tried, all the mistakes you've made... And just when you were so frustrated that you were about to call it quits, you found the perfect cookie cutter that was actually built for everyday people wanting a real chance at online success, Amazon Affiliate Marketing.

This is the type of appeal that doesn't have to be perfect. In fact, it's sometimes better to leave a few mistakes in there in a piece like this. Write it from the heart. Show your readers that you're a regular guy who has been out there testing the waters, getting the bumps and bruises and finally, the light goes on.

Once you've done this you can go into the main benefits and some of the specifics of the program. Show them some of the earning potential. Hit them with the bullet points and all the rest. What you've done is sell the dream and since you've really done it, they'll believe they can do it too.

People love stories and want the underdog to win so give them what they want. Craft the story in a way that they'll be rooting for you (because when you get it right they'll actually be rooting for themselves too and hitting the "BUY NOW" button).

Good Luck!

Thanks
1 reply

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1919171].message }}

Daniel Brock

14 years ago

Originally Posted by travlinguy

Use a story to sell the dream. There's a very old formula that still works wonders. It's referred to as the Feel, Felt, Found approach. It goes something like this:

Have you ever wondered if making big money online is real? Are regular, average people like you actually able to make a living selling stuff on the Internet? Sometimes it all seems like so much garbage. If you've ever really wondered if making money online could be real for the average person, I know exactly how you feel. It wasn't long ago that I felt the same way... Let me show you what I found.

I've kept it short for the sake of this post but with an intro like this you've built the perfect set-up for selling the dream. From here you write about your struggle, all of your trial and error, all the programs you tried, all the mistakes you've made... And just when you were so frustrated that you were about to call it quits, you found the perfect cookie cutter that was actually built for everyday people wanting a real chance at online success, Amazon Affiliate Marketing.

This is the type of appeal that doesn't have to be perfect. In fact, it's sometimes better to leave a few mistakes in there in a piece like this. Write it from the heart. Show your readers that you're a regular guy who has been out there testing the waters, getting the bumps and bruises and finally, the light goes on.

Once you've done this you can go into the main benefits and some of the specifics of the program. Show them some of the earning potential. Hit them with the bullet points and all the rest. What you've done is sell the dream and since you've really done it, they'll believe they can do it too.

People love stories and want the underdog to win so give them what they want. Craft the story in a way that they'll be rooting for you (because when you get it right they'll actually be rooting for themselves too and hitting the "BUY NOW" button).

Good Luck!

Thanks for the suggestions! I was trying to do that...and it didn't quite turn out right.

Mainly because I never have had a real job in my life - have almost made money online.

Let me ask you something.

Do you think it would be OK to craft an underdog story if I truly don't have one?

Something like...yeah I worked at this box packaging company for like 5 years and then one day my boss really pissed me off so I went home and looked around for ways to get out of the box packaging place. I stumbled upon this program online about how to make money. Unfortunately, the money I spent on it didn't turn any results. However, it gave me a spark of interest to keep trying until eventually....

Thanks
1 reply

Signature

Clickbank #1 Best Seller: The Deadbeat Super Affiliate.
Click here to learn how to make money online in your bath robe and gym socks!

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1919258].message }}

travlinguy

14 years ago

Originally Posted by Daniel Brock

Do you think it would be OK to craft an underdog story if I truly don't have one?

Something like...yeah I worked at this box packaging company for like 5 years and then one day my boss really pissed me off so I went home and looked around for ways to get out of the box packaging place. I stumbled upon this program online about how to make money. Unfortunately, the money I spent on it didn't turn any results. However, it gave me a spark of interest to keep trying until eventually....

Personally, I wouldn't make something up. But that doesn't mean you don't have a story. It's all a matter of perspective. You could start off by saying you were determined to never work in the box packagaging place (because so many of your friends did and you knew it wasn't for you) and instead of being just another 9 to 5 working schumck, you started to look for other things to do.

You can relate to where your customers are by using stuff about your friends who got stuck in the rat race or your dad or your uncle or some poor, lost lonely soul you'd seen as a kid at the bus stop every day...

Find someone you know and who they'll relate to and use that person. There's always a way to do it without compromising your integrity. Take some time to think about it. Read lots of story-oriented sales stuff. This ain't that hard. Good luck.

[ 1 ] Thanks

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1919280].message }}

Don Schenk

14 years ago

Dan,

The pop-up jumps in right in the way of reading the webpage. Then if I click on it I'll have to agree to: "No thanks, I'll pass on the free training." This is before I have read enough of the salesletter to find out what I will be trained free.

At that point, I just give up and click away.

Can you give people time to read the copy before blocking it with a pop-up?

:-Don

Thanks
1 reply

Signature

Studies prove happier people have massively more success. It has worked for me. Use this one trick too... Click Here

Total Competition Stomper - Simply the most powerful tactic your IM or Offline business will ever use... See it here!

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1919253].message }}

Daniel Brock

14 years ago

Originally Posted by Don Schenk

Dan,

The pop-up jumps in right in the way of reading the webpage. Then if I click on it I'll have to agree to: "No thanks, I'll pass on the free training." This is before I have read enough of the salesletter to find out what I will be trained free.

At that point, I just give up and click away.

Can you give people time to read the copy before blocking it with a pop-up?

:-Don

I'm going to have to test that.

I noticed a lot of the big launches use similar tactics, so I figured it had to be a smart idea.

I also wanted to build a list at the same time so that I could follow up with them.

I did have the same thoughts as you though. I thought perhaps my free opt-in was putting people off because it disrupts the reading process.

Anyone have any alternatives?

Thanks

Signature

Clickbank #1 Best Seller: The Deadbeat Super Affiliate.
Click here to learn how to make money online in your bath robe and gym socks!

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[1919269].message }}

Selling the dream to the 'average joe'

Trending Topics

Any thoughts on golf's latest phenom...Scottie Scheffler??

Should i Index Author pages?

best high quality crypto traffic.

Some interesting stats about brand comms

What's the Best IM-Related Skill to Learn Today That Can Help in the Future?