I need help with my first copy ever! (Warning, sexual material)...

Thanks for the feedback

Rick -
Too many words. Get to the point.

- What's the problem you're addressing? (I'm not a good lover; I can't satisfy my woman in bed)

- What's the ultimate fear/result if this problem isn't addressed? (My lover is going to leave me/cheat on me. I'm less of a "man" if I can't perform in bed)

- How are you going to solve the problem? (3 foods that help you stay harder, longer) *NOTE: Speaking as a woman - this doesn't "solve" the bad lover problem. But most men think it does. And that's a whole 'nother product.*

Cut to the chase. Phrases such as "more potent than you in bed"... what exactly do you mean by that? That her other lovers were able to get it up quicker, harder, longer? Then say so!

"Sexual nutrition data"? Sounds like bad news. Most people don't read the label on their package of BBQ potato chips. They already know eating potato chips gives them pleasure. They don't want to know how "bad" it is for them. Nobody wants the "data" on pleasure.

"The vast majority of the male population"? You mean "most men"?

As for the headline: again, too many words. Get to the point:

"Become a sexual superman - just eat these 3 everyday foods!" or some such.

Just skimming over the first part of your body copy, it strikes me that you need to zero in on what - exactly - you're selling. Your copy veers between

- IM-speak ("you're going to send me hate-mail for not making this available earlier" - Really? Seriously? C'mon!), to

- touchy-feely "The Secret"-type language ("wear a 'sign' above your aura"- is that like a U of WI cheesehead hat?, or "experience Nature's very own internal 'brush stroke' " - sounds periously like a prostate exam or colonoscopy) to

- intellectual we-don't-speak-the-same-language-as-mere-mortals ("pathogenic parasides" - are you suggesting that I have worms in my d*ck? 'Cause that's what it sounds like).

My suggestion is to throw the whole thing out (*sorry*) and begin again. Only this time, imagine that you are sharing a beer with your best friend, in a quiet corner of a dark bar.

After several beers, your friend confides to you that he is worried because, lately, he's not "all that" in bed, and try as he might, he just can't figure out what's wrong with him.

You lean across the table, and in a low voice, say, "You know, buddy, I used to have that same problem. And then I discovered this amazing cure. All you have to do is..."

Use the same casual, eveyday language you would use "just talking" to your buddy.

P.S. Your copy is riddled with typos. Get someone to proof it before you go live.