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What do you think of this headline?

by Dennis Sim
7 replies
Hey Warrior,

What do you think of the headline below:

"Discover How To Drive Massive Of Laser Targeted Traffic To Your Site And Build 100,000 List Without Spending A Single Penny!"

Do you think I should change any to improve it? Anything wrong with the sentence or grammar?

Thanks Warrior!

-Dennis.
#headline
  • Profile picture of the author John Henderson
    Hi Dennis!

    You might try "How to drive masses of laser-targeted traffic..." and you may want to clarify what 100,000 things are on the list: customers? readers? e-mail addresses?

    Hope this helps!

    John.
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    • Profile picture of the author Dennis Sim
      Originally Posted by John Henderson View Post

      Hi Dennis!

      You might try "How to drive masses of laser-targeted traffic..." and you may want to clarify what 100,000 things are on the list: customers? readers? e-mail addresses?

      Hope this helps!

      John.
      Hey John,

      Thanks for your recommendation. I will make a quick tweak.

      -Dennis.
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      Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one. - Bruce Lee
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    Sounds like just another IM traffic hype salesletter headline.

    I've seen so many headlines of this ilk they bore me. Maybe
    not your target market if they are new to the IM world.
    Signature
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    • Profile picture of the author Dennis Sim
      Originally Posted by malibumentor View Post

      Sounds like just another IM traffic hype salesletter headline.

      I've seen so many headlines of this ilk they bore me. Maybe
      not your target market if they are new to the IM world.
      Em, this is not going to use for any sales letter
      Signature
      Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one. - Bruce Lee
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  • Profile picture of the author dbishop
    [quote=Dennis Sim;171246]"Discover How To Drive Massive Of Laser Targeted Traffic To Your Site And Build 100,000 List Without Spending A Single Penny!"

    Do you think I should change any to improve it? Anything wrong with the sentence or grammar?quote]

    Okay, the picky editor in me is coming out... Yes, the grammar is off. If you want to leave it as is, you'd need to change it to:

    Discover How To Drive a Mass of Laser Targeted Traffic to Your Site And Build a List of 100,000 Without Spending A Single Penny!

    THAT way it's grammatically correct.

    Dee
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark Hendricks
    Hi Dennis,

    If you are targeting a specific niche, try start out like...

    Discover How A Complete Newbie Got Massive Amounts Of Laser Targeted Traffic To His Site And Built His List To 100,000 Without Spending A Single Penny!

    Or...

    Discover How A 76 Year Old Retiree Got Massive Amounts Of Laser Targeted Traffic To His Site And Built His List To 100,000 Without Spending A Single Penny!

    Or...

    Discover How A Single Mom Got Massive Amounts Of Laser Targeted Traffic To Her Site And Built Her List To 100,000 Without Spending A Single Penny!

    -- Mark Hendricks
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    • Profile picture of the author maurice
      Dennis,

      Creating headlines can be a tricky thing.

      I find that readers are turned off by hype. Saying "Build 100,000 List Without
      Spending A Single Penny" doesn't sound real. Have you built a list of 100k
      without a list? If so, how long did it take you? What is your actual email list
      size?

      Using a real number suchas "Build 66,431 List" has more of an affect and
      is more believable. Again, what is your exact list size? People would love
      to build a list of 9,437 subscribers let alone 100k.

      Make your headline believable and you will get more to buy in.

      Put yourself in the reader's shoes. Do you believe the hype?


      Maurice
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