Could anyone thrown me some headline suggestions?

When I first read your post, I thought you were saying "with kids...and the kids are interested in health and fitness."

ha ha

I think your headline focuses too much on Free. I mean it's the first thing you say, so people have automatically given you the 'worthless' label before they even get to the rest of your headline.

I think the benefits are good but again FREE suggest it's not worth much and it triggers skepticism - "Free? Nothing is free, I know there's a catch so i'll bin this without reading."

Thus, you might want re-position (test drive, risk-free, discovery offer etc) or handle the objection head on - "Why Is [YOUR NAME] Giving You A FREE blah..."

Considering the demographics too; your market has the money so price isn't going to be your biggest barrier, it will be creating the belief that you can walk the talk and really get them the health & fitness results they desire.

On the other hand, I'm sure "free" still pulls it's weight with regards to bang for buck too because quite a lot of marketer's do use it in their headlines given the chance; I think you just need to be a bit more savvy on exactly how you use it.

As you know though, there's only one way to know for sure what's best.

Colm

Thank you all,

the letter had put out pulled 6% response the last mailing i am running it again with a more fitness targted and more affluent list with 400 total peices.

i was a bit worried about the headline i feel my response could be better with a more quality sounding prestigious angle.

BTW David Johnson a rather new copywriter around here wrote the letter that pulled that 6% for me its a fabulous one and this time i am sending it out a a completely simulated personal letter on yellow legal paper, it looks absolutly fabulous!.

colm do you have any suggestions for a type of headline that would work well with highly affluent people? i am think of revising the letter to turn it more into a "are you keeping up with the jones'? " type of exclusive private membership (becuase that in fact is what it is...) whats your opinion?

kevin thank you for the headline suggestion i like that very much...

wonderful ideas! THANK YOU VERY MUCH THAT JUST LIT A HUGE SPARK ! because im simulating personal letters i will divide them up by gender, for the women becuase vanity is such a heavy hiter, play the admiration angle women love when other women want what they have, and they love it een more when their men want them too...:

You should buy Dan Kennedy's new book -> "Marketing To The Affluent!"

Interestingly enough, I work with the best copywriter in the fitness industry; and the most succesful ($$$ for fit-biz owners) package he has written to date has a totally blind, curiosity driven headline so there's one way to think about going.

What I would say though is you need to know your stuff doing that because it's a bit risky. Again though, this is a serious million dollar producing winner so worth a ponder.

Going through that letter now, I see he's also crafted it around a FREE offer, without actually positioning it as such; so again Eric and Kevin's initial assumptions about what to focus on appear well founded.

Up your mailing to 500 and do a cheeky wee split-test; blind Vs. benefit and see what happens, that'll give you a definite answer (for that split-test anyway). One new client and it should be cash back so that might be the best way to go... If the current letter you are mailing is profitable now though, keep it as the control obviously.

I'm sure being gender specific will almost definitely boost your response too so you're spot on there (I reckon).

Your target market is middle aged and they're starting to feel it and see it; convincing them that you can "reverse" that aging process and get them the results they desire is the first thing you need to worry about... VIP clubs, exclusive etc might wash with the yuppy crowd but I don't think it's what you're after here... At least not as your main selling point... You'll know better than I, but that's what my gut tells me anyway.

Colm

Yeah...my kids still want me to play the same games we played when I was 25 and they were 3. Ouch. I was hoping they'd outgrow it. I certainly did.

Last month I tried to jump up in the truck bed the way I always do...and I didn't make it for some reason. Landed on my butt in the middle of the driveway.

You see with men, it's not always about 'fit' or about 'trim'. Sometimes it's a matter of functionality. I just can't do what I used to be able to do. And I can't stand letting my snotty 23 year old brother do it for me.

Of course, I'm not your target market because I never was into the fitness thing. BUT--think blue ocean here.

most of these people are business owners, doctors, lawyers, busy people who dont have the time to do anything about their health and fitness... Dan kennedy in his new book states the rich love convienince and exclusivity - ithink thats the direction i'll go i think im spot on this really explains all of my current clientele...

they love the private raquet clubs, they love private service and they love results... you'd be surprised most of my current A-List clientele are between 45-60 and they all are interested in looking and feeling younger, brining back the sex into their lives, and fluanting their new bodies and there private in home trainer - then they end up getting the whole family and closest freinds in on it as well...

Stewart,

Discover Why Families Who Can Afford To Go To The Best Health Clubs In America, Are Choosing Virtual Health Clubs To Get Fit, And Stay Fit.

Affluent men and women aren't fooled by FREE. They know that you get what you pay for. They are looking for time savings. Time is their money.
Easy - can be done at home-quality-identifiable personality + winner.

And the whole family can exercise together - or separately at their own pace.

Good Luck with your project!