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Guys please critique my website.

by wwesley
7 replies
This is my website: Dominate twitter now!

let me know what i can change or what i need to do to improve it. thanks!
#critique #guys #website
  • Profile picture of the author Paul Hooper-Kelly
    Hi wwesley,

    Well, you did ask!

    First of all, your headline is like a thousand others. So you need to come up with a "hook" that will be a real eyeball grabber.

    Put that to one side for a mo and put yourself in the position of a prospective buyer.

    They want to know three things right away - or they will be gone.

    * What's in it for them?

    * Proof of what you say (CB or PP statements).

    * Who are you and what qualifies you to teach them how to make money from Twitter?

    And - if you have a good story to tell - you might be able to combine them all into a compelling hook of a headline.

    For example:

    Amazing Secret Discovered By Unemployed Construction Worker
    Sucks In Red Hot Cash-Rich Prospects From Twitter
    Like A Shop Vac On Steroids

    Read on to discover how I made $6,587 from my Twitter fans
    in just seven short days and how you can now copy my methods...
    starting TODAY!

    So, once you have your headline, you need to expand on your story. Then go on to say how you devised this brilliant strategy, which made the money you mentioned earlier.

    Then you can introduce the product.

    And then you need to expand on those bullets. Bullet points are a bit of a misnomer, because they don't really refer to the dot on the paper or screen.

    We copywriters call them 'fascinations', because they should spit out short, compelling points about the product and so create an 'itch' that can only be 'scratched' by buying your stuff.

    And there's no 'close' at all.

    And that's FATAL. Because if you don't ask for the order, you won't get it.

    You need to really lay it on the line and tell the prospect not only what they will gain but also what they will LOSE by not buying the product.

    Above all, you need to inject some excitement ... enthusiasm and EMOTION into your narrative, because people make the decision to buy based on emotional factors and if you aren't fired up and excited how the heck do you expect to engender that reaction in your prospect?

    And you need to provide proof at every stage. Every statement you make should be supported by compelling proof - or you shouldn't make it.

    There's plenty of other aspects which my buddies on this forum will no doubt highlight.

    Warmest regards,

    Paul
    Signature
    If you want to stack the copywriting deck in your favor with tricks and hacks producing winners like: "$20K in three days" "650 sold" "30% conversion", then you might like to know I'm retiring and will spill the beans to two people. More info here.
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      You registered the domain today - but you could have a problem due to this twister restriction:

      Don't:

      • Use Twitter in the name of your website or application.
      • Register a domain containing twitter (or misspellings of twitter).
      Your site may be in violation of twitter's trademarked name (IANAL) - just so you know. I don't know how aggressively this is pursued but don't be surprised by a request to remove the site once it is indexed and visible.

      kay
      Signature
      Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog
      ***
      Dear April: I don't want any trouble from you.
      January was long, February was iffy, March was a freaking dumpster fire.
      So sit down, be quiet, and don't touch anything.
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      • Profile picture of the author wwesley
        Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

        You registered the domain today - but you could have a problem due to this twister restriction:



        Your site may be in violation of twitter's trademarked name (IANAL) - just so you know. I don't know how aggressively this is pursued but don't be surprised by a request to remove the site once it is indexed and visible.

        kay
        hey i didn't know that. thanks for the headsup, well i gotten that domain awhile back.
        Signature

        Looking For People to Promote A Free Diet Program In Singapore. $20 per qualified Lead. Pm Me For Details.

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    • Profile picture of the author wwesley
      Originally Posted by Paul Hooper-Kelly View Post

      Hi wwesley,

      Well, you did ask!

      First of all, your headline is like a thousand others. So you need to come up with a "hook" that will be a real eyeball grabber.

      Put that to one side for a mo and put yourself in the position of a prospective buyer.

      They want to know three things right away - or they will be gone.

      * What's in it for them?

      * Proof of what you say (CB or PP statements).

      * Who are you and what qualifies you to teach them how to make money from Twitter?

      And - if you have a good story to tell - you might be able to combine them all into a compelling hook of a headline.

      For example:

      Amazing Secret Discovered By Unemployed Construction Worker
      Sucks In Red Hot Cash-Rich Prospects From Twitter
      Like A Shop Vac On Steroids

      Read on to discover how I made $6,587 from my Twitter fans
      in just seven short days and how you can now copy my methods...
      starting TODAY!

      So, once you have your headline, you need to expand on your story. Then go on to say how you devised this brilliant strategy, which made the money you mentioned earlier.

      Then you can introduce the product.

      And then you need to expand on those bullets. Bullet points are a bit of a misnomer, because they don't really refer to the dot on the paper or screen.

      WE copywriters call them 'fascinations', because they should spit out short, compelling points about the product and so create an 'itch' that can only be 'scratched' by buying your stuff.

      And there's no 'close' at all.

      And that's FATAL. Because if you don't ask for the order, you won't get it.

      You need to really lay it on the line and tell the prospect not only what they will gain but also what they will LOSE by not buying the product.

      Above all, you need to inject some excitement ... enthusiasm and EMOTION into your narrative, because people make the decision to buy based on emotional factors and if you aren't fired up and excited how the heck do you expect to engender that reaction in your prospect?

      And you need to provide proof at every stage. Every statement you make should be supported by compelling proof - or you shouldn't make it.

      There's plenty of other aspects which my buddies on this forum will no doubt highlight.

      Warmest regards,

      Paul
      thanks paul it's my first ever go at writing. instead of putting it off, i decided to try something and then learn from my mistakes. Well i will build from here, thanks!
      Signature

      Looking For People to Promote A Free Diet Program In Singapore. $20 per qualified Lead. Pm Me For Details.

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    • Profile picture of the author Ditso
      Agree with Paul the Headline is a bit of a wet blanket.

      Also I personally don't like the black background. I think white just looks easier on the eye.

      GL with it.
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  • Profile picture of the author Sam Mlambo
    The advice Paul gave you is excellent. Definitely use it for your success. I'd like to add that you should expand more on your bullet points.

    Highlight the benefit and what that means to your prospect. Then credentialize your bullets by adding supporting facts or stories.
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  • Profile picture of the author Deezle
    I think Paul Hooper covered most of it, but I think the graphics need to be a little more advanced for people to take you seriously. You also need a buy now button that is easy to access in order to seal the deal.
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