Suggestions

Hi Robert,

I'd get your price out of the headline, if your service is a fraction of the price of your competitors I'd assume it to be a fraction as good. Plus, people who shop on price alone are generally not the type of clients you want. Build up your service first, then introduce your bargain price, clearly stating why it's so cheap.

Continuing with your headline... it asks several questions and appears to flow straight into a feature comparison. Except it doesn't, your opening copy is completely disconnected from your headline's message.

Don't be general, don't say 'SEO companies can...' say 'We can...'.

The 17 point program is a good idea but expand on each point, maybe not featuring all of them. Tell the prospect why each point is essential, how it'll benefit them.

$55 setup fee! Where's that come from? Your headline just states $399. Don't add on surcharges, people hate them.

Explain your bonus point more clearly, focusing on what it does for your client.

What makes you different? I don't know, I'm sure those features are great but I don't know what any of them mean or how they'll benefit me.

'Proper nouns' you're counting on your prospect knowing what this, and the rest of your results section, means? Try using a screenshot of Google with a client's website dominating the first page.

Your guarantee sounds solid - make more of it.

You need a buying button or contact form at the bottom of the page.

Make sure the prospect is aware of exactly what they're getting for their money.

Hope some of this is a help.

If your writing skills suck - hire a writer.

Consider it an expense to improve your business.

Perhaps I'm missing something here. You're in SEO and you don't use a META description?

You seem to be fighting reality. Although, maybe not worded as you like, the postings above are correct.

I believe the number of words in your posting set a world's record. World's longest sentence.

Copywriters cannot help anyone, who will not face the facts. I am not trying to be cruel, just realistic.

Hi Rob,

This is ALL my opinion. Please do not take any of it personally. It's just a clinical assessment.

1. There is no emotion on this page. None. That means, it's rather boring. Business owners will put it aside and say to themselves "I'm too busy." or "I don't have time for this SEO stuff"

2. There is no defining overarching big benefit. You reveal the price too soon before you establish the reasons business owners should go with you. The biggest takeaway I get is you're the low cost provider. But still you want to establish value for your services first.

3. What will happen when business owners evaluate your website against someone else's? You'll lose. There's nothing irresistible, nothing compelling, nothing provocative about it.

At the very least, give them information they can learn from.

4. There is no personality on this page. Obviously companies have personalities, just like people do.

What you basically have a weak tri-fold brochure.

Let me give you another way of looking at your opportunity.

I was talking with a local business owner about one of our businesses and he said "I don't have time to talk right now but show me YOUR website. I want to see yours."

Yes, it does have an SEO element.

I gave him the url. He entered it into his PC and literally exclaimed "I'm bookmarking this! I need this and I WILL get back to you. Either way, contact me next week."

That's not the first time I have been told that. I love it when my writing does a better job than my talking.

That's obviously a response I would like to hear.

In closing, there's NOTHING wrong with the work that's been done on your website. It just can not stand on it's own.

There's no way you would say in person what you say on that website. It would sound so sterile, so academic, so impersonal, your prospects eyes would glaze over immediately.

While my post sounds rather negative, it's intent was no way insulting. It's strictly clinical and only meant to be helpful. I want your business to grow.

- Rick Duris