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Newbie Squeeze Page Critique

by dwood40
9 replies
Any constructive criticism of my squeeze page at frustratedinvestorsRx.com would be greatly appreciated as this is my first effort. Thanks in advance.
#critique #newbie #page #squeeze
  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    Hi dwood40,

    1. First, I think you have a talent for writing and it's a good first effort.

    2. What I am going to say may sound paradoxical. You are not selling hard enough and at the same time, you are selling too hard.

    You're not selling the memorandum hard enough. I mean are you expecting people to make the leap from your content to the idea they should sign up for your memorandum? I think you need to be more direct, to the point and connect the dots for them on why they need the memorandum. It should be brought up sooner in the piece.

    At the same time, that is one long letter for trying get an email. You're begging for skimmers. And bottom line: You're talking about a strategy of married puts.

    Why not just get to the point faster?

    Quick story:

    In the movie business, the director, usually unconsciously, over develops the back story. Usually with new directors, an editor will chop off the first 20 or so minutes of the film as being irrelevant.

    I'm suggesting the body of the letter you either get to the point quicker, or just chop off almost all the psychology stuff.

    3. Is there a reason why you chose "avoid risk" hook v. the "profit" angle? It would seem most investors are in the market to profit, v. protecting themselves. Obviously, both are necessary to an astute investor. In other words, I am questioning your overall premise on the basis of which is the most compelling.

    4. In terms of content, you've offered some good stuff, but is it really actionable? Like how do they apply what you've told them? Or is that the intent of the "can't lose" memorandum?

    5. If the CFTC has a peek at this letter, I believe you are going to be challenged. They hate words "RISK FREE". I know you try to qualify with saying "virtually," but I'd be careful about the positioning. You walk a razor's edge.

    6. There is something to be said for turning this into a video, making it all "above the fold" and then requesting an email for more info.

    Hope this helps.

    - Rick Duris
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    • Profile picture of the author dwood40
      Thanks so much for your input. It was very helpful. I like the idea of creating a video. Can you point me in the right direction to get that accomplished quickly and efficiently?
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      • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
        Hi dwood40,

        Get yourself a Kodak ZI-8 and a small tripod. Amazon. ZI-8 is best because it has an audio input. You may need an extension for the mic and if so get one.

        Cost: $200.

        Record yourself. Be natural. Sure, it will not be production quality, but that's the point. You don't want to be production quality, although it will be HD.

        Also, lighting is critical.

        Get a copy of Sony Vegas to edit. Or outsource the parts you want edited.

        Then integrate on your webpage by uploading to youtube and inserting the embed code on your webpage.

        It's about a 15 minute process.

        - Rick Duris
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  • Profile picture of the author metabinltd
    What Rick says is right - it is awfully long to just collect an email address.

    I would add that there is no clear headline as well, just write one succinct headline and make sure the email address is above the fold of the page.

    Split-test different versions and drive traffic, see which one wins.
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  • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
    That looks more like a salesletter. You should just crank out an
    ebook and sell that on this page. I think people might buy, since
    it appears you know what you're talking about.

    Put the free memorandum in a pop-over. Use this letter to sell
    the book. When people see you've got a book for sale, they'll
    assume the memorandum must be good and will be more inclined
    to grab the freebie.

    If you just want to sell the freebie on a page to get the opt-in,
    you should try to reduce the copy down so it's only 1 or 2
    web-pages long.
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    • Profile picture of the author jukeboxhero
      Get your optin box above the fold...
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  • Profile picture of the author helisell
    I think this is a better headline...

    "Learn how to eliminate the two most destructive forces in your porfolio, by investing in only the best stocks...whilst also reducing your risk exposure"

    The page reminds me of the kind of thing that was around 5 to 10 years ago it looks rather 'bitty'

    Try Just One font for the main text and one for the bullets.

    Make the page more simple.

    Headline.

    Some sub head with the same font but bigger and bolded.....leading into standard text.

    Get rid of all the bits and pieces around the page and bring them into your main message. They are too distracting

    Good luck
    Signature

    Making Calls To Sell Something? What are you actually saying?
    Is there any room for improvement? Want to find out?

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  • Profile picture of the author dwood40
    Thanks again Rick
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    • Profile picture of the author Collette
      http://www.frustratedinvestorsrx.com/

      Way, waaaaay too long. Whatever your offer is, it's completely buried in there.

      You don't need a lot of words to convince a prospect to take action.

      Cut straight to the chase. What do I get if I give you my email address? What's the benefit to me?

      Seriously, as I skimmed all that copy, I could not, for the life of me, figure out why I should get your memorandum.

      On the Internet, people skim. You gotta give them the highlights to rest their eyes on.

      Go back to the offer. What's the compelling benefit of getting the memorandum? (aka: Whay should I want it so badly?) What's it going to do for me? Why?

      Pop those points in the headline. Flesh them out in about 150 words of copy. Ask for the addy. Reiterate what they're going to get when they give you the addy. Ask for the addy again.

      I've got a client using this 'formula' on 5 stock market product squeeze pages. He's getting an average 68% conversion across the board. His backend lifetime ROI is roughly $5g on each new sign up.

      All those words make me think your product must be weak. (Not saying it is; just that's the impression overwriting gives).
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