Some Constructive Criticism

Nick,

I won't lie to you... it's pretty bad.

You've got grammar and flow issues all over the place which immediately bring your abilities as a copywriter into question.

For example... no one uses the word "copywrite". Copywriter, yes. Copywriting, yes. Copywriters write copy, though.

That aside... no one who wants a copywriter wants a copywriter. They want to increase sales... dominate their market-place... or bring in more customers.

I'm only saying this to help you... but you're nowhere near ready to offer your services as a writer yet.

You need to read a lot more books. Not necessarily copywriting books - books in general.

You need to practise writing a lot more... developing your phrasing and style.

Once you've done that... you need to read the copywriting classics. Schwab... Sandler... Kennedy... Cialdini... etc.

In short... you've got a very long road ahead of you before you're ready.

Even as a first draft what you wrote is of pretty poor quality.

I'm sorry to be so harsh... but this is a competitive business.

If you want clients... you need to be damn good at what you do.

-Dan

Thank you for your time

daniel- books no, copywriting books yes. I know I'm educated but I do appreciate your time and post

and to ken thanks for your post too