Need help with a one line service description.

8 replies
I need to boil down the benefits of my computer service into a one or two line description for inclusion in a directory of service providers for a networking group. I've got to get it down to about half the size of what it is now (and hopefully about twice as compelling)...
Give yourself the confidence that your computer network is 100% safe, secure and operating at peak performance with Robert's Proactive Maintenance Plan.

Get 24x7 network monitoring, instant alerts, stellar reporting and dedicated one-on-one support... for a low, flat monthly fee.
Your help, as always, is greatly appreciated.
-Robert

#description #line #service
  • Profile picture of the author John_S
    Job Security is your concept. Not to put too fine a point on it, "What we really do is keep you from getting fired."

    A more specific, abbreviated USP might be "We provide the top [number] computer network intelligence factors that make (or break) a career."

    Copy would be something like "After studying 87 top publications on network integrity, we identified the [whatever number you got above] factors that got [specific position/ job title] fired .... then we ....

    And you do the stuff companies need to do to get a foothold -- like "stealth invoices," all geared to avoid threatening the manager's position by dealing with an outside firm, and thus implying they can't do their job. (A major political hurdle keeping your kind of business getting the lucrative gigs you need to stay in business).

    In other words, don't subvert your marketing with suicidal company policies.
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    • Profile picture of the author perryny
      Sorry John. I wasn't clear (which tells me my current description needs a lot of work...)

      This is to promote a computer support service directed at small business owners who are looking to outsource the management and maintenance of their computer network.

      -Rob
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  • Profile picture of the author John_S
    Ah.

    Well then I'm going to cheat and replace the stuff about "career" with "cause the business to fail"

    I think stuff like employee pilferage might be a factor. Not sure.

    Sorry, I make it a policy not to deal with small businesses. That is, unless I'm crushing the life out of them and stealing their market position and customers. The basic concept is completely applicable with some rejiggering.
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  • Profile picture of the author dorothydot
    "Give yourself the confidence that your computer network is 100% safe, secure and operating at peak performance with Robert's Proactive Maintenance Plan."
    Keep Your Network In Tip-Top Condition With Robert's Proactive Maintenance

    "Get 24x7 network monitoring, instant alerts, stellar reporting and dedicated one-on-one support... for a low, flat monthly fee."
    Get Instant Alerts, 24x7 Monitoring, PLUS One-On-One Support For Low Monthly Payments

    Now do you want to smonch the two together?
    Robert's Proactive Maintenance Keeps Your Network Purring With Instant Alerts, 24x7 Monitoring and Personal Support - Just One Easy Payment a Month.

    Hope this helps!
    Dot
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    "Sell the Magic of A Dream"
    www.DP-Copywriting-Service.com

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  • Profile picture of the author Snlde
    Originally Posted by perryny View Post

    Give yourself the confidence that your computer network is 100% safe, secure and operating at peak performance with Robert's Proactive Maintenance Plan.

    Get 24x7 network monitoring, instant alerts, stellar reporting and dedicated one-on-one support... for a low, flat monthly fee.
    Just a shot here:

    "Keep your network at 100% in both safety and performance, while receiving dedicated, one-on-one network monitoring and support 24/7!

    Robert's Proactive Maintenance Plan"
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