need advice on my squeeze page

23 replies
go easy on me, this is my first one that i have made from scratch!

Can someone point out some advice for me to make my squeeze page better!

i know it kinda sucks at the moment , this is a work in progress! any advice would be great!

Normally i get someone else to do this kinda work for me. Im still trying to work out getting the lay out better and want to get some arrows in there to, lol!
Anyway any help appreciated
Cheers guys

Earn massive income online within 3 hours – free pdf

#advice #page #squeeze
  • Profile picture of the author activetrader
    I don't like that font is all CAPS... hard to read
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    Me

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  • Okay updated! no caps!
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    Alexander Sebastian Just launched his new blog offering High end Training for FREE..
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  • ok modified, cheers man i didn't even realize that i said it so many times, is that better?
    Thanks
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    Alexander Sebastian Just launched his new blog offering High end Training for FREE..
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  • Any more advice?
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    Alexander Sebastian Just launched his new blog offering High end Training for FREE..
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  • Profile picture of the author William Bell
    The graphics concept is good. The offer is certainly intriguing. 3 hours to income...quite an offer. The green and red colors look a little bit like Xmas to me and are slightly distracting, especially with the blue at the bottom.

    I can't explain what's happening with the yellow, green and black. My eyes shifted to the right to your optin form away from your message. I see you still have all caps in the title.

    The font is not doing much for me, making me stare too hard to see what it's saying. Hope this wasn't too brutal which was not my intent. I'm no expert at critiquing so take it with two grains of salt. Even though it's short, by the time I work through all the elements of the page,

    I'm fatigued. One additional point. I would move the optin box down a little bit so that the sign up box is a smooth right glance after reading the message.
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  • ahh good point i will move it down once i work out how!!
    Thanks for all the advice guys, i am having trouble finding a good font to use.
    also i find it hard to make the message attractive?
    Really appreciate the advice!
    Do You think i should redesign my opt-in form again?
    Thanks!!
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  • Profile picture of the author ivanadee
    how about putting the optin box below and not right side.after ur words, you can end it with, "simply subscribe and get all FOR FREE".something like that.hope this helps
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    • Profile picture of the author helisell
      How do I know it's any good?
      No proofs.

      Lots of typos too.
      "Close Nit"??
      Close Knit
      im??
      I'm
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      Making Calls To Sell Something? What are you actually saying?
      Is there any room for improvement? Want to find out?

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      • Yea, I have not run a spell check on it yet, it is a work in progress( my english is bad)!

        Would you suggest a testimonial just above the opt in form? Also a video will be made in the next day or 2.

        So far changes to be made:
        • Make title clear and improve font
        • Add video Explaining the system beneath headline
        • Add big arrow pointing down towards opt in form and lower opt in form
        • add another opt in form at bottom of page below fold
        • improve the bulletpoint style, and improve font
        • Add proof (myb a testimonial, or a screen shot of my accounts)
        Does this seem like a better structure in theory?
        Thanks for your input guys, will post when it is updated!
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  • Profile picture of the author Zentech
    Sucks out loud. Yet another "something for nothing" pitch? Fail. Another "see why everyone else loses and we win" pitch? Fail. $50,000 online? Bullcrap. Fail.

    Lame and uncompelling, even for the dopiest audience. The only people who will opt into this are those who incapable of not responding to even the most ridiculous offers.
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    * Stupid Offer: Killer Sales Letters ***$897*** Just For Warriors. Ethical Clients & Legit Products Only. *
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    • Thanks for to the warrior forum members who actually help other members and offer advice!

      As for Zentech ,The guy who could not read the title "advice needed" Why do you even bother posting. What are you trying to achieve??

      I joined the warrior forums to learn .... Not to be put down.


      Sorry guys rant over!

      I have changed my squeeze page about a little bit, The video will be made tomorrow, so at the moment it is just a random you tube video.

      Can anyone offer more advice as to a way to improve conversions!

      Many thanks
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      Alexander Sebastian Just launched his new blog offering High end Training for FREE..
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  • Profile picture of the author BrainCopy
    There's only three thing that matter for copy, this was out of Frank Kerns mouth.

    1. here's what I got for you
    2. here's what It will do for you
    3. here's how much

    You are not "to the point" in your copy. I don't understand what you are offering me in the headline or bullet points. You are only giving features, you need to give features and benefits in the same bullet. Use some power words, such as verbs. See if you could get your hands on John Carltons "power words" report on ebay or something. Great stuff in that report.

    Your opt-in box is nothing special either. I don't like it. For the headline use Tahoma. For the content use Arial. Change the bg color as well. Use white or blue. Pay attention to people like Dan Kennedy or John Carlton... almost all of their sales pages are blue.

    There's also some swipe files you can get your headlines from. Ask around here on the forum.

    Best Regards,
    Anthony
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    • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
      Originally Posted by Anthony La Tour View Post

      There's only three thing that matter for copy, this was out of Frank Kerns mouth.

      1. here's what I got for you
      2. here's what It will do for you
      3. here's how much
      Kern originally got it from John Carlton. And he managed to miss a step out:

      Here's all 4 steps:

      1. What I've got for you
      2. What it's going to do for you
      3. Who am I?
      4. What you need to do next
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      Andrew Gould

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      • Profile picture of the author BrainCopy
        Originally Posted by Andrew Gould View Post

        Kern originally got it from John Carlton. And he managed to miss a step out:

        Here's all 4 steps:

        1. What I've got for you
        2. What it's going to do for you
        3. Who am I?
        4. What you need to do next
        Ah I knew I had something missing LOL - Thank you for clearing it up.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mark Pescetti
    It doesn't feel like there's any substance or depth to me. You need to add more what and how. Don't be afraid to offer people information. Your copy/content should always give people something in and of itself. Go to reflectionmarketing.com to read my 5 rules for effective content writing...
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    Do you want a 9 figure copywriter and biz owner to Write With You? I'll work with you, on zoom, to help write your copy or client copy... while you learn from one of the few copywriters to legit hit 9 figures in gross sales! Discover More

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  • Profile picture of the author JasonParker
    I think your headline should say what you're giving away for free. Also put your scarcity at the top somewhere where it's visible above the fold.

    Delete the video.

    Turn these into bullets:

    This Formula Will Take You By The Hand
    It Shows You What To Do And When To Do It
    You Will See Why Everyone Else Fails
    You Will Also Understand Why You Will Succeed
    You Can Contact Me Via Email For Support When Ever You Need It
    You Will Understand The Best Methods To Make Money Online
    You Will See Exactly How To Make Big Money, I Am Talking 50,000 Online
    Join Our Close Knit Team Of Big Money Internet Marketer’s Here To Help You…
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  • Cheers guys , Thanks for all the input!

    I'm Not expecting to get it perfect straight away,but i have changed the style and added a lot more content! If you want to check it out again that would be great! if not no probs!

    I was going to redesign the page but that will take me quite a while so i may do that when i get more time and change the bg colour to white or blue!
    thanks for the advice everyone , keep it coming!!
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    Alexander Sebastian Just launched his new blog offering High end Training for FREE..
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  • Profile picture of the author RentItNow
    Way too much to achieve your goal (get optins). Check out this page: FREE Video: How To Rent Your House Now. House For Rent Secrets REVEALED!. Simple design. Converts about 25 to 80% some days depending on traffic coming in.

    I have others along the same line that all convert similarly.

    By the way, just because you are an entrepreneur does not mean you are making money.
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    I have no agenda but to help those in the same situation. This I feel will pay the bills.
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  • Profile picture of the author Zentech
    Sorry, lol. My apologies for the snark. I was in a bad mood last night and wanting to slam everybody indiscriminately. Still, The offer isn't very compelling. Best of luck, though.
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    * Stupid Offer: Killer Sales Letters ***$897*** Just For Warriors. Ethical Clients & Legit Products Only. *
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  • Profile picture of the author WebHelen
    I'd be a bit wary of the

    !00 Tested and proven

    Firstly the ! makes it look like 00% tested and proven and a the slightest doubt and your visitor will be history.

    Helen.
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  • Profile picture of the author reborndj
    Are you testing it? A simple split-test will tell you more within days then all of the advice here... ;-)

    (Althoug the advice here is valuable, as well)--- but nothing beats testing.
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    • Profile picture of the author davebr52
      Dude,

      reborndj is right on the knuckle - split testing is way, way, way more useful than anyones opinion get two versions of your page in front of as many prospoects of possible and track the results.

      Dave
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  • Step 4: How to get traffic to your opt-in list

    Yea good plan,i will start split tests now, The link above is a alternate version with a video. Now i just need to learn to track it! i guess this is done with aweber or through google analytics, anyway i will work it out!

    i never expected to spend so long on a squeeze page but this is the one thing i want to try and get right!
    The video is a bit shoddy at the moment, background noise and me with a cold lol!
    Thanks for the advice from everyone! Really do appreciate it a lot!
    Advice is always appreciated, let me know what you think of the alternate squeeze page?
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