I think my saleletter sucks, what do you think?

Hi Joseph -

The thing that struck me right off was 'bad mouthing' the competition. That seems to turn everything south right from the get go.

I think accentuating the positive qualities of the products the program offers is the way to go and forget about finding fault with the competition.

Joseph,

As for the formatting, it's kind of all over the place. Lots of font changes, and the design doesn't point me to anything specifically.

The copy itself...pretty much the same thing everyone else is writing.

But I would point out that it sounds like you're selling an instruction manual on how to get the downloads...instead of selling actual access to the downloads. So you are probably losing people just because you're not clear.

I haven't done much with membership sites. I usually stay away from them and I've never tried to market them. But it seems like your form causes the brain to short circuit because of the inconsistencies:



First 5 (on your landing page) then 29 on this page.

Hope this helps.

Hi Joseph, this is just a quick take on your sales page:

Header is nice but competes with much smaller headline.
So, the Head does not jump out at reader like it should.

Says. " famous internet marketer" ...who exactly is that?
If it's YOU, don't you think you need some credentialing to
make a claim like that?

You never even explain what PLR is? If I'm a newer marketer I may not
have a clue.

In the Head you say get $32,000 worth of stuff for price of a cup of coffee.
(not believable at all) too big a claim thats not backed up.

Subhead is weak : references making your internet marketing career come TRUE??? etc. (not a compelling benefit)

When copy starts the first thing you do is claim that 99% of PLR sites should be "ILLEGAL.' ...but you do not ever prove or explain why YOUR site should not also be illegal????
No explanation if you use 'better' writers or pay them more or anything?
Its a claim without anything to substantiate it.

There are instances where your English needs a bit of correction:
"So I embark on a personal mission " doesn't read right for example.
"And There's MORE You'll Benefit!" grammar is wrong.

Anyway, I would actually tone down the graphics a bit and put much work into the copy so it flows more logically. Tell WHY this is a better PLR membership site than all the others - make it really clear.

As far as the traffic being 'qualified', have you ever tried some ADWORDS PPC to see if THAT converts any better?...just as a comparison?

No offense meant on any of this - just some quick suggestions.
_______
Bruce

I think the negative spin at the beginning is a turn off. I get what you are trying to do, but you are only associating the negative with yourself!

Also, the site has very little "pop"... it really feels like its just another cookie cutter site. Perhaps working a bit on the flow and getting some good testimonials would be helpful.

You could also put up a video showing a screencast of your site, and going through the pages with ALL of the downloads... that could be powerful. Here is a free screen recording program:
camstudio . org

Its simple, but will do the job! Plus, if you host on youtube or other sites, you might even get a few incoming links...

Thanks for all your suggestions guys. I'm getting a copywriter to rewrite the entire salesletter with a specific focus. It should help.

Yes, a video is a good solution to show the 'content' of the website.

Yeah it needs a little work like the person above you said try not to bad mouth just make valid comparisons showing why your product is superior

Agreed. The copywriter is rewriting for me right now. At the meantime, I've added a short 5min+ video just to show the content.

Let see if that changes anything.