I need some REAL feedback...Simon Cowell style!

Header Graphic takes up waaaay too much space.

The deck copy looks cramped and crowded.

Outsource profits -- let's look at the maturity of the market ... People aren't going to buy your product because they've never heard about outsourcing.

So why aren't they outsourcing? You aren't digging into the fear of why people aren't doing this already. Like I say, outsourcing is hardly a new concept.

You'd probably have better luck with a headline that starts with something like "Warning: Outsourcing Can Bring You Incredible Profits...But Only If Handled Correctly."

(rather weak, but general idea.)

I seriously could care less that you've made that much money (in 3 years?) from outsourcing. You aren't speaking to me. You'll show me how you did it. Ho hum. That still doesn't speak to ME. I don't care what YOU did unless you can clearly communicate to me, with proof, that you can take me to that promised land, as well.

The letter is over-long (read: boring). It's not really developed well, in terms of "Attention-Interest-Desire-Action". Your letter reads -- not like you are talking to one person, it's not very conversational -- like you are talking to the global masses and therefore fails to make that important "grab me" connection.

When you start the letter here:
From Small Change to Big Bucks Outsourcing All My Work!

At least it starts to move somewhat. You've got a bit of a story (a little scrawny, but better than nothing).

BUT WHAT ARE YOU SELLING?

I can't figure it out! It's a membership! It's an ebook! It's a plane! (oops, sorry -- wrong quote...LOL.)

And, for that matter -- you're selling me a bunch of features. Videos! A membership!

I don't care!

I want my problems solved! How are all of these things gonna solve my problems!

Your readers come to you, desperate, looking for someone who cares about them, someone who can lead them out of the wilderness, someone who can wipe away their tears, someone they can trust.

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I don't know if anyone has done a scientific study, but I would wager that if someone were to hook people up to galvanic skin response machines and show 'em sales letters, the immediate reaction would be an increase in muscle tension and "fear response." Subconsciously, the person is immediately put on guard -- "who is this guy? What does he want from me?"

The reason advertorial-style ads work so well -- imnsho -- is because it doesn't engage that fear response.

In general, you want the person reading to have warm-fuzzies, to be relaxed, to get excited, to think -- AHA!!!! Here! Finally! Someone who understands me, understands my pain, someone like me. Someone I can trust. Someone who will lead me out of the dark jungle of my despair.

Got it?

Okay -- I dunno who Simon Colwell (?) is ... did I do good?

Live JoyFully!

Judy

PS -- BTW -- did I mention anything about emotion??? Dude! Put some emotion in your salesletters. People buy on emotion, and justify with logic. Something advertisers have known for a long time -- but I believe they've actually demonstrated it with those cute fMRI machines....