Feedback on sales page please?

The very first thing you see when you visit this page, is a black circle on someone's face.

It has the words "you" written on it... This made me click off of the page - Nobody wants to see a face spray painted or blotched out. A better alternative may be to have a torso or face shot which has their hand on their forehead, illustrating that they may be having a hard time... Or if the projection is to be showing a successful book signing, then show a person who is successfully book signing - not a person with a blotched out face, and then having the word "you" on it....

I think the rest of the sales copy is ho hum. It doesn't really excite me. Maybe if there were more creative adverbs and adjective, it may entice me the whole way through.

No problem - you are already ahead of the curve, by having a sales letter. Just spend some time in these forums, and review some of the great copy writers. You will soon see a pattern which you can implement into your own sales copy.

Why do people want to write books first off?

So that they'll "Sell"...

There must be more to it than that except that's all your promising...

What's going to happen when I land that book contract? That's the juicy stuff..

What's it going to be like once I'm published? create a vivid picture for me...

What if I don't know what it's like staring a blank screen... You just lost me, why not tell them about how you were staring a blank screen then see if your audience identifies with it...

But the itch just won't let you do that, will it? ---> Deep down in the craw of your gut you know you've got a novel in you... and it'll be a great novel too!


--Go through and remove about 90% of your "That" and "That's"... Unnecessary and wasteful words.

I like the bullets and love the IDEA of the picture ESPECIALLY the saying... Keep the saying for sure.

However I would perhaps show people lining up and you signing their books otherwise at first glance it looks like your saying... "Someday if your lucky this could be you sitting at an empty table"...

Ande (how do you pronounce that?),

I had a quick skim of your page.

Some thoughts...

1. Try and push the benefits of this a little more obviously. You talk about "feeling good" for actually having a written book, but that's kind of esoteric.

What about receiving check after check of royalties in the mail for years... even while you're sitting on your ass?

What about the fame... recognition... and prestige of being a published author?

What about walking into the bookstore and seeing your book as a best-seller?

These are things you touch on briefly, but they could use more "oomph".

2. You are making WAY too little a deal about your credibility/expertise. If I was writing that page you can bet your ass the term "expert author reveals" would likely be in the headline.

3. I think you could cut down on the number of bullets you have. Try to cut out the important ones or merge several unimportant bullets into one important one. Also - push benefits, not features.

There are a lot of other issues but these are a few that jumped out at me.

Kind regards,

-Dan

Ande,

First it is a "lot to choose from" market, including big players like Writer's Digest.

Whenever I do take a look, and it is rare, I'll read it all the way through. It was hard to do with your site. Way too much "writing" in my opinion and too little salesmanship. But, let me point out some very good things which are buried.

This is a strong sentence and could easily be the lead:

I've planned, written, and polished a 500-page novel in 60 days using the Novel Writing Made Easy System...and I've had THREE of my books published. You can too.

I'm not big on RED and Blue text in headlines and it makes it look less than professional. But a simple test will tell you what works.

The book signing table looks like a kitchen table. Where are the lines of people in the store waiting to buy the STACK of books on the table? It looks staged and faked.

Also, what is the purpose of the pic of a bookstore? All this is wasted space. I suggest a stronger opening, with the testimonials up higher, above the fold, and make them readable. It is hard to tell one testy from the next. How about a space between names or names in bold or italics, something to make them easier to read?

You have some great bullet points. They should also be up higher. All that stuff about imagine this and imagine that...writer's already have a these things in mind.

Please consider a much shorter promotion to test against this very LONG letter. Make the offer up higher, then give them a reason to read more to make a decision.

The good news it is selling and has been. Why not ask your customers WHY they bought it originally? Do a survey and maybe there are a few KEY points which helped them make the decision to BUY.

I felt like I read a NOVEL by the time I got done with the page. Take a couple of bullet points and expand by actually giving a page from the book?

The thing is, you need to test against this, you KNOW what this one is doing, but try something a little different...a shorter page, more direct, here is what you want...and here is how to get it.

I think the best selling elements in the page are buried and hidden. Good luck to you and as always, I reserve the right to be totally full of hot air (or something much worse).

If you do create a shorter version, do an A/B split test one against the other. My honest opinion, it may be too much, too boring to keep potential customers around long enough to make a decision.

gjabiz

Sounds like you just need to sell something higher ticket on the backend... like coaching the novel writer or holding online webinar-based workshops at like $497 a pop.

You may already... just a thought though.

I don't see any link anywhere, or else I'd try to give you some helpful feedback.

Wait... I found it...

Took a quick look and it actually appears pretty freaking awesome.

Think you'd increase conversions by around 50% or so if you use Honest EOnline and Trust Guard buttons to build the ultimate confidence in ordering.

Dare to be a great salespage writer. This one is weak. Way too many bullets - for starters. Your head could be a lot better. Establish your credibility early. You have -


Dare to be a great novelist...

What will you do with all the extra money after your book becomes a best seller?

Not bad, I like it!

Ande,

From your salespage:

Just replace "novel" with "copy".

Your page needs a complete overhaul.

The headline's uninspiring, your opening's boring, you don't try to establish credibility until after the first sales link, where's the front cover of your books, where's the boasts about your author status?

You need to either seriously study copy or hire a professional.