Email copy example - critique's welcome
I'm a freelance copywriter and know that feedback can always help my awareness for improvement, so here's an email I just sent out to a particular list that has already received some info on the subject at hand. Have a browse and anywhere you think it's weak, please point.
regards,
Gavriel
(It was formatted to be narrow column not full width)
Subject line:
I have a check with your name on it...
Body:
..you wouldn't believe how much for, so I need to explain.
I almost cringe at writing this to you, but here's what's going on...
Right now I'm traveling through South America, I started in February in Venezuela, spent 3 months in Colombia and here's where I'm staying this week -- in Vilcabamba, Ecuador...
picture included which you can see at gavrielshaw.com/wp-content/uploads/vilcabamba-pool.png
I'm involved in several business partnerships and also working as a freelance marketer and sales writer.
But during all these busy and fun months of work and travel something has been lurking in the shadows... following me wherever I go, or whatever I try to focus on...
That darn Global Info Network!
GIN just won't go away...
I never wanted to really spend a lot of time on it.
My plate is already full.
And I thought I'd seen this kind of thing before...
In fact:
Back in 2004 I achieved the beginning leadership level in a company that promoted health products and paid members in kind of a similar way to GIN. That initial leadership level entitled me to the company's car plan -- which meant they would finance a new car. But unlike having a 'company car', the car would belong to me.
However, working with that company and other experiences expanded my mind and my horizons beyond the UK... plus promoting health products was not fulfilling for me... and I had other ambitions, desire for travel, etc.. So I actually left the company to travel in south east asia and work on my writing and other business projects.
But thinking GIN is anything like what I've seen before has just been a rationalization... I've been trying to fool myself - and I can't get away with it any longer.
Truth is:
I feel genuinely aligned with the mission of GIN and I'm very excited about it.
In fact, the other Group that I promised to tell you about as part of my Lifestyle Alliance is actually now heavily involved in GIN. (A lot of their information is now available to GIN members.)
The more I understand about the world's current situation, the more GIN makes sense.
Suffice it to say, GIN gives us networking opportunities like the rich-and-famous.. that can help you become.. well, rich at least -- maybe famous too if you want it.
And GIN's diversity is also one of it's great advantages. So many different types of people will be attracted to GIN. GIN's member benefits will only get better with time. And the training and information that is available right now 100% free inside your affiliate member area is staggering.
For anyone in my group, I'm going to share everything I do to promote GIN myself, so you can learn from it, emulate it, or flat-out rip it off and use it to make money yourself -- I'll even help you do it.
However:
I don't think you need much training or guidance from me. Because Kevin is building the most comprehensive and impressive set of training materials I have ever seen.
I can tell you from all that I previously paid, the training that you have free access to right now in GIN is worth many thousands of dollars.
But you can download it all now without charge.
I have seen a lot of such training programs and GIN's training materials are hands down the very best.
And that's the point: GIN gives us access to advanced info.
So here's what I suggest.
Download all that training free and listen to it.
You will then have a lot of insight that can help you in all areas of life. Relationships. Career moves. Business. And GIN if you choose to promote it.
Log in to your account.
globalinformationnetwork.com/Login/
Download the audios for the Dream Weekend. Listen to them asap:
globalinformationnetwork.com/Affiliates/Events/DreamWeekend2010/
Read about the Summer Sales Bonanza:
globalinformationnetwork.com/2010%2DSummer%2DBonanza/
...this is a mind-boggling offer, where GIN will actually GIVE you a check for $10,000 simply for being involved with GIN for a period of time, thereby reimbursing you far more than what you pay in membership fees for that time.
How can they afford it?
Simple: not only are they multi-millionaires, but they believe in the wealth building potential of GIN over the long-term for them and us, thus they will invest there own money now by sharing with us so that we can carry this forward. That's my take on it.
If you are interested in the information available in GIN.. the networking opportunities.. and also the money that's available...
...I do believe that NOW is the time to act -- whilst that summer offer is still available!
Once you have been through some of the materials and feel that you definitely want to be part of this... when you think to yourself 'yeh I want this, why not, let's go for it'... when you feel the excitement for what this can lead you to.... then I want you to email me and tell me that you want to be part of my front line team.
If you have trouble accessing the files. If you have any questions about GIN at all. Email me.
I still have other projects I am busy with so I can literally only work directly with a small handful of people. One of those people can be you.
Gavriel Shaw
gavrielshaw.com
PS. If you didn't previously register as an affiliate you can still do so by going here (globalinformationnetwork.com/?AffiliateCode=gav4) and click 'Affiliate Program' at the bottom of the left navigation menu.
regards,
Gavriel
(It was formatted to be narrow column not full width)
Subject line:
I have a check with your name on it...
Body:
..you wouldn't believe how much for, so I need to explain.
I almost cringe at writing this to you, but here's what's going on...
Right now I'm traveling through South America, I started in February in Venezuela, spent 3 months in Colombia and here's where I'm staying this week -- in Vilcabamba, Ecuador...
picture included which you can see at gavrielshaw.com/wp-content/uploads/vilcabamba-pool.png
I'm involved in several business partnerships and also working as a freelance marketer and sales writer.
But during all these busy and fun months of work and travel something has been lurking in the shadows... following me wherever I go, or whatever I try to focus on...
That darn Global Info Network!
GIN just won't go away...
I never wanted to really spend a lot of time on it.
My plate is already full.
And I thought I'd seen this kind of thing before...
In fact:
Back in 2004 I achieved the beginning leadership level in a company that promoted health products and paid members in kind of a similar way to GIN. That initial leadership level entitled me to the company's car plan -- which meant they would finance a new car. But unlike having a 'company car', the car would belong to me.
However, working with that company and other experiences expanded my mind and my horizons beyond the UK... plus promoting health products was not fulfilling for me... and I had other ambitions, desire for travel, etc.. So I actually left the company to travel in south east asia and work on my writing and other business projects.
But thinking GIN is anything like what I've seen before has just been a rationalization... I've been trying to fool myself - and I can't get away with it any longer.
Truth is:
I feel genuinely aligned with the mission of GIN and I'm very excited about it.
In fact, the other Group that I promised to tell you about as part of my Lifestyle Alliance is actually now heavily involved in GIN. (A lot of their information is now available to GIN members.)
The more I understand about the world's current situation, the more GIN makes sense.
Suffice it to say, GIN gives us networking opportunities like the rich-and-famous.. that can help you become.. well, rich at least -- maybe famous too if you want it.
And GIN's diversity is also one of it's great advantages. So many different types of people will be attracted to GIN. GIN's member benefits will only get better with time. And the training and information that is available right now 100% free inside your affiliate member area is staggering.
For anyone in my group, I'm going to share everything I do to promote GIN myself, so you can learn from it, emulate it, or flat-out rip it off and use it to make money yourself -- I'll even help you do it.
However:
I don't think you need much training or guidance from me. Because Kevin is building the most comprehensive and impressive set of training materials I have ever seen.
I can tell you from all that I previously paid, the training that you have free access to right now in GIN is worth many thousands of dollars.
But you can download it all now without charge.
I have seen a lot of such training programs and GIN's training materials are hands down the very best.
And that's the point: GIN gives us access to advanced info.
So here's what I suggest.
Download all that training free and listen to it.
You will then have a lot of insight that can help you in all areas of life. Relationships. Career moves. Business. And GIN if you choose to promote it.
Log in to your account.
globalinformationnetwork.com/Login/
Download the audios for the Dream Weekend. Listen to them asap:
globalinformationnetwork.com/Affiliates/Events/DreamWeekend2010/
Read about the Summer Sales Bonanza:
globalinformationnetwork.com/2010%2DSummer%2DBonanza/
...this is a mind-boggling offer, where GIN will actually GIVE you a check for $10,000 simply for being involved with GIN for a period of time, thereby reimbursing you far more than what you pay in membership fees for that time.
How can they afford it?
Simple: not only are they multi-millionaires, but they believe in the wealth building potential of GIN over the long-term for them and us, thus they will invest there own money now by sharing with us so that we can carry this forward. That's my take on it.
If you are interested in the information available in GIN.. the networking opportunities.. and also the money that's available...
...I do believe that NOW is the time to act -- whilst that summer offer is still available!
Once you have been through some of the materials and feel that you definitely want to be part of this... when you think to yourself 'yeh I want this, why not, let's go for it'... when you feel the excitement for what this can lead you to.... then I want you to email me and tell me that you want to be part of my front line team.
If you have trouble accessing the files. If you have any questions about GIN at all. Email me.
I still have other projects I am busy with so I can literally only work directly with a small handful of people. One of those people can be you.
Gavriel Shaw
gavrielshaw.com
PS. If you didn't previously register as an affiliate you can still do so by going here (globalinformationnetwork.com/?AffiliateCode=gav4) and click 'Affiliate Program' at the bottom of the left navigation menu.
e-Mail: hypnoticheadlines@gmail.com
Gav
https://www.linkedin.com/in/gavrielshaw