One More Time - Is My Copy Good Enough? | Warrior Forum - The #1 Digital Marketing Forum & Marketplace

15 years ago

Honestly bro, the first thing i did was scroll down to see the testimonials. then i noticed you only had one. i think your biggest barrier is going to be the social proof aspect.

i may not be the *ideal* customer, but being around IM for a while and being one who is trying to truly make it work for me, like so many who are, if i dont see enough HARD social proof as in, "

"I bought X, i used X and X did this"

i dont even waste my time. i have bought way to much stuff that has great claims with no backbone.

as far as the copy it sounds like it would be a great product and it is quality but like i said, anyone who is like me and doesnt see someone with a website who actually got ranked, like you guarantee - will pass it up.

my .02 cc's

Thanks
1 reply

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Bruce Wedding

15 years ago

Originally Posted by IRON_STRONG

i may not be the *ideal* customer, but being around IM for a while and being one who is trying to truly make it work for me, like so many who are, if i dont see enough HARD social proof as in, "

"I bought X, i used X and X did this"

i dont even waste my time. i have bought way to much stuff that has great claims with no backbone.

If you've "been around IM for a while" then surely you know that testimonials on an IM sales page are about as credible as Oprah Winfrey selling a diet book. A day does not pass without someone making a post here asking for testimonials. Nor can you find a major IM marketer's page without testimonials from all his JV partners and friends.

Testimonials are not required to sell. BottomLine proves that all the time. PROOF is required to sell and it comes in many forms. A lot of them are more credible than testimonials. Let me give you an example:

If I'm selling software that creates a sales letter, would you prefer to see a testimonial from a friend of mine saying it's good or a Camtasia video of the software creating a sales letter? Seeing is believing my friend and the video is indisputable evidence.

And videos are not the only form of proof. There are credentials, income proof, demonstrations, photos. Use your imagination.

ETA: I looked at the page and it is filled with proof. Good job.

Thanks

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Dennis Cheesman

15 years ago

Yes, I don't have the testimonies up yet as it hasn't launched and I am just getting everything together..

Testimonies are coming

Dennis

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IRON_STRONG

15 years ago

other than that i think the sale copy is damn good - maybe a bit ify on the headline, i really prefer short concise and benift driven only, but thats just me, i have a new direct mail piece thats fabulous that really consists of 4 words.

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1 reply

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rapidshare 15 years ago

See my post on the other thread.
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J. Barry Mandel

15 years ago

Dennis,

It's coming along.

I'd make some adjustments above the fold to start...

1)Check your spelling in the pre-head
2) Try a different color headline to help make it pop - green?
3)Use italics in your sub-head to break it up and make it easier on the eyes

Since automating the process is the #1 benefit I think that THAT should be part of the headline, because the way the headline is written does not speak to the reader. Remember the reader wants to know what your product will do for THEM. They don't care about discovering what you did and what happened to you- they just want that to happen to themselves!

You could word this like...

"Now You Can Take Advantage of How I Got All 14 Of My Websites On Page 1 Of Google, Yahoo, MSN, and Five Other Search Engines Within Two Weeks by Having the Whole Process *AUTOMATED* for You - for FREE!"

Doing this would free up some clutter and it still drives the point hom that you want to make.

Thanks

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Dennis Cheesman

15 years ago

Thanks a lot for the comments...

1)Check your spelling in the pre-head
2) Try a different color headline to help make it pop - green?
3)Use italics in your sub-head to break it up and make it easier on the eyes

I tried the green in the headlines hows it look now? I also put up two headlines on the site that I am trying..

Which one pulls you the best?

Headline #1
Headline #1!

Headline #2
Headline #2!

Dennis

Thanks
2 replies

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Bruce Wedding

15 years ago

You're a lot closer with headline #2 for 2 reasons:

1. Its about THEM, not you like your current headline
2. You're driving home your USP, which is "automation"

My overall comment is, why do I need a membership site to learn these things? Why can't I learn it in one shot. You need to convince me what I'm getting monthly to interest me.

Thanks
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Dennis Cheesman

15 years ago

Originally Posted by Bruce Wedding

You're a lot closer with headline #2 for 2 reasons:

1. Its about THEM, not you like your current headline
2. You're driving home your USP, which is "automation"

My overall comment is, why do I need a membership site to learn these things? Why can't I learn it in one shot. You need to convince me what I'm getting monthly to interest me.

Hi Bruce,

Thanks for the comment..

I added a little more of the benefits you will be getting, is that what you ment?

I hope I didn't destroy it by adding more, making it longer?

I added from the bolded:

It's Your Turn To Get A Piece Of the Traffic Pie!

To the testimony of Jason...

Or is it not clear what I am offering?

Again, thanks for the comments

Dennis

Thanks

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J. Barry Mandel

15 years ago

I like headline number 2 Dennis, but the sub-head area is too congested.

Remove this and you should be good to go IMO:

... At Traffic Institution, We Won't Just Tell You or Show You How It's Done - We'll Automate the Whole Process for You - for FREE!

Originally Posted by Dennis Cheesman

Thanks a lot for the comments...

I tried the green in the headlines hows it look now? I also put up two headlines on the site that I am trying..

Which one pulls you the best?

Headline #1
Headline #1!

Headline #2
Headline #2!

Dennis

Thanks

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ATTENTION AFFILIATES: Earn Earn Commissions On Monthly Subscriptions Up To $597 Per Month PLUS Tiered Commissions On Overrides & 4-Figure Affiliate Bonuses!!

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kkchoon

15 years ago

The sales letter is nice, just add more testimonial and some videos...