Input of sales page please

"Imagine What would happen if you were standing in front of hundreds of people and you had to 'wing' your Best Man speech?"

Imagine if you were to sell the OUTCOME of buying your product...

Hey Conrad,

I think you really need to get to know your prospect.

They're not buying your product because they have to make a speech next year, next month, or next week. No.

It's 3am day of the wedding. They've been up for hours trying to write the damn speech and nothings coming. The bookstores are closed... Amazon can't deliver in time. In desperation they search the internet.

They find your site. But you've still got to persuade them to buy.

Imagine you were propping up a bar and a guy sits down next to you. He's got his head in his hands and the barman asks him what's wrong.

He says "I'm best man at a wedding tomorrow and I've still to write my speech."

What would you say to him to get him to buy your book?

Your sales letter doesn't get into the conversation going on in the prospects head.

And there's a few disconnects that kill the sale in your letter. You talk about a proven method... but you don't give any proof. No testimonials.

And your story is a negative one. Your best man speech bombed. And that's it. Nothing about how you came to develop your product and why you're the go to guy.

Well, that's my two cents.

Colin

Hey Conrad,

I think you need to get some testimonials going on your page. This is the best way to "prove" that your system works. I see that you offer a discount for some feedback, but also try going to forums and networks and give the copy away in exchange for honest feedback. You need to find out where your prospects are hanging out.

One thing I do like is the fact that you leverage the experience of the professional you hired to write the sample speeches.....screams credibility. Very cleaver.

Cheers!

Brandon

Hey Conrad,

I just want to say you that if you state that you are continuously getting feedback from your customers then one question that comes to my mind is why aren't you providing any testimonials.

The same question can evolve in your reader's mind and then the process of doubting your product will start in his mind. If you say you have feedback and success stories then you need to prove it.

secondly if you are not able to give your Best man speech then how would you be able to help your reader is another question that comes in your reader's mind. Again doubting your product starts.

If you say you have a proven method then tell then how you came across that proven method. Your story is incomplete.

Happy to Help
Warren.

Thanks for the comments...

Brian: I love that headline you gave. I will be split testing it for sure among others I've created.

Brandon: Thanks for the tips. I feel my product is the best on the market because it actually is written by a certified public speaker and wedding/event planner.

Warren and Colin: Thanks for the help in my story development. My best man speech did bomb and that's why I created the product and hired a professional to write the sample speeches. I do need to put more emphasis on that fact so thanks for the advice!

I am still waiting on the testimonials. The product is live on click bank but its just a matter of making sales or giving the product away for free to get those testimonials. That will happen in time, but I also don't want to create testimonials that aren't real. To me that's very unethical. I guess I need to take away the 'proven method' part.


I look forward to more critiques!

Is the color scheme and picture okay? Do you feel that there are enough free items offered to get people to sign up? I'm just curious what is lacking.

Thanks

Hi Conrad,

You will be loosing readers before they hit the buy button.

Fix that by small blocks of sentences.

Two or 3 word subheadlines.

Use gut grabbing words at the start of each paragraph to force the looker to keep reading.

kill passive words.

Bold and itallics for GUT WORDS in paragraph.

See and use "eye candy" words at http://www.simplewritingsystem.com/

All the best,
Ewen

I must admit that I like Ewen's advice and his headline.

Once piece of advice would be to write a whole bunch of headlines and test them. This way you can let the numbers make the decision and not you.

Cheers!

The site looks professional and well laid out. Just follow the comments above concerning testimonials and getting your sales approach clear and you might have a unique winner here.

And push the delivery in 30 minutes angle more!

Best line - ""Whatever you need, Best Man Speeches has it!"