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Can You Help me Choose The Best Headline

by Warren.Richards
13 replies
Hey warriors

I am writing a sales copy of a product that shows you how to make money online with only 4 hours of work per week.

I have written the whole body copy and just need to arrange the bits. My main problem is that I am stuck between two headlines that I finalized to use for the sales copy.


Can your intelligent brain suggest me something and help me out with my headline. Surely you can. That why I say all warriors are the best.

1) PROVEN SIMPLE 4 HOUR A WEEK STRATEGY THAT MAKES $2000+ FROM SCRATCH.

2) HOW A" FRENCH GUY LEFT HIS JOB IN RECESSION" AND STARTED MAKING $2000+ FROM SCRATCH WITH A SIMPLE 4 HOUR A WEEK STRATEGY.

3) HOW A "FRENCH GUY LEFT HIS JOB IN RECESSION" AND MADE $2000+ FROM SCRATCH WITH A SIMPLE 4 HOUR A WEEK STRATEGY.


Warriors please help me out with this. I am just too confused among these headlines.

Warren.
#confused headlines #confusedheadlines #headline #killing
  • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
    Warren,

    First thought comes to mind.

    #1 An entry level Internet marketer will expect to make money from working 4 hours a week.

    Can you give a time frame when you did start making money?

    There becomes an issue of you having to put a qualifier that sends a message that he/she may not get the same results due to FTC.

    Come back with a bit more info. and we can tighten what you have supplied.

    Sound good?

    All the best,
    Ewen
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Hey Warren,

      Got a new angle for ya.

      Gone this way to sell the dream of quit working
      for someone else and working from home.

      Bam, straight into mass desire.

      If you can pull off a good story on what a major
      difference your life is now from the old one...

      ...and how simple it was to pull off...how simple you have laid it
      out that even a 9 year old or your granny could do it...

      ...then you are matching your message to 2 mass appeals.

      OK here's a headline that will grab them...

      "Crazy Frenchman Quits Secure Job In World's Worst Recession...

      ...To Finally 'Work' From Home 4 Hours Per Week...

      While Making More Money Than His Job He Hated"

      There ya go.

      All the best,
      Ewen
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  • Profile picture of the author davemiz
    here's a crazy idea.... take all 4, run a split test.

    i mean, who cares about opinions.... we're in the data business.... not opinions.

    let the DATA tell you what works.

    game over.
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Dave,

      Some haven't read Tested Advertising Methods By John Caples.

      If they have and forgotten, then this is a reminder to think of a markets
      appeal.

      Some need to see how it comes about by demonstration and take the
      lesson from which they can hit the market with more certaintity when running tests.

      Of course if no reason is given why a poster has come up with a headline or other aspect of the sales message, then it doesn't help the original poster long term.

      All the best,
      Ewen

      Originally Posted by davemiz View Post

      here's a crazy idea.... take all 4, run a split test.

      i mean, who cares about opinions.... we're in the data business.... not opinions.

      let the DATA tell you what works.

      game over.
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    • Profile picture of the author patadeperro
      Originally Posted by davemiz View Post

      here's a crazy idea.... take all 4, run a split test.

      i mean, who cares about opinions.... we're in the data business.... not opinions.

      let the DATA tell you what works.

      game over.
      I think this is the best opinion you can follow, set up a series of experiments with your "google Website optimizer", you can find it in your Google analytics account, under the content section, you design an A/B test, or multivarial testing if you are experience with that. Best Of lucks
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  • Profile picture of the author davemiz
    ewen.... you don't go to the poker table without knowing how to play the game do you?

    didn't think so :-)
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    “Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.”
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

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  • Profile picture of the author Warren.Richards
    Hey ewenmack,
    Thank you for your great advice. I really appreciate it. But I was thinking is it fine to call a motivational speaker a crazy guy.
    The product is a third party seminar audio and so it does not involve my client directly. He just sells it and is not a contributor to the product.

    But I seriously liked your headline.

    @patadeperro & davemiz

    Yeah definetly split testing is a must, but asking from warriors always imprve your quality.
    Thanks for the opinion.

    Warren
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Warren,

      Taking away "Crazy" only weakens the headline.

      Reason being the target audience will mostly think it's rather crazy leaving a secure job during a recession.

      You may still have to check with him though in case he comes after you.

      Mind you if it was me in the recording, I would let you go with "Crazy".

      All the best,
      Ewen

      Originally Posted by Warren.Richards View Post

      Hey ewenmack,
      Thank you for your great advice. I really appreciate it. But I was thinking is it fine to call a motivational speaker a crazy guy.
      The product is a third party seminar audio and so it does not involve my client directly. He just sells it and is not a contributor to the product.

      But I seriously liked your headline.

      Warren
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  • Profile picture of the author davemiz
    lol... you dont know if any of that is true until you test.
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  • Profile picture of the author Warren.Richards
    Yeah you are true. I need to test it. I will surely do it but thanking you all for helping me out.
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  • Profile picture of the author Warren.Richards
    I myself liked CRAZY in the headline. I will recommend it to my client and then split test it to see accurate results.
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Warren, what is the alternative to "Crazy" are you testing?

      Ewen

      Originally Posted by Warren.Richards View Post

      I myself liked CRAZY in the headline. I will recommend it to my client and then split test it to see accurate results.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Axelrod
    Hey Warren,

    Davemiz is right, testing overrides all.

    However, here is a critique of your headline strategy anyway.

    1) It's unclear what the "$2000+" represents. Is it $2000 a month? A week? Altogether?

    2) "From scratch" is too vague as well.

    Here's my off-the-cuff version

    HOW A FRENCH GUY QUIT HIS JOB IN THE WORST ECONOMY EVER AND MAKES $2000 A WEEK WITH JUST 4 HOURS OF WORK

    I'll warn you that with a statement like that you're heading into "Bull****!" territory, which is still better than "So what?" territory, or "What the $&*( does he mean?" territory. My point is you're going to have to make a compelling case for why your strategy works consistently, and answer all your audience's objections IN ADVANCE.

    I'm also wondering if the "French guy" thing is a good angle for you. When you add descriptives like that to a "HOW A..." headline, usually it's either because the description makes the hero more of an "underdog," or it just makes the person more specific so it's more "real." Is English your second language? Then work it in. Otherwise, I'd try to think of another descriptor, such as what city/state you're in, what profession, you left, etc.

    "HOW AN IDAHO LUMBERJACK ..." would be ideal, but even "HOW A CLEVELAND ENGINEER" would be fine.

    --Dan


    Originally Posted by Warren.Richards View Post

    Hey warriors

    I am writing a sales copy of a product that shows you how to make money online with only 4 hours of work per week.

    I have written the whole body copy and just need to arrange the bits. My main problem is that I am stuck between two headlines that I finalized to use for the sales copy.


    Can your intelligent brain suggest me something and help me out with my headline. Surely you can. That why I say all warriors are the best.

    1) PROVEN SIMPLE 4 HOUR A WEEK STRATEGY THAT MAKES $2000+ FROM SCRATCH.

    2) HOW A" FRENCH GUY LEFT HIS JOB IN RECESSION" AND STARTED MAKING $2000+ FROM SCRATCH WITH A SIMPLE 4 HOUR A WEEK STRATEGY.

    3) HOW A "FRENCH GUY LEFT HIS JOB IN RECESSION" AND MADE $2000+ FROM SCRATCH WITH A SIMPLE 4 HOUR A WEEK STRATEGY.


    Warriors please help me out with this. I am just too confused among these headlines.

    Warren.
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