Copy Critique - Rip Me A New One!!!
Hello Chilluns'
I'm drafting a work at home piece for a client and hoped to get a few sharp criticisms about this letter. There's gonna be a demo video, but it ain't here yet.
Anyways, YOUR feedback would be GREATLY appreciated!
Cheers,
Coz
Here it is:
-----------------------------
Next Paycheck Delivered (That Friday)
LIMITED POSITIONS AVAILABLE!!!
From: Jim Rogers, 'America's Work at Home Coach'
If you want to learn how someone can work from home... and... make $127,000 within their first year... this will be the most fascinating letter you'll ever read.
What I'm about to share with you is so cutting edge... so radically different... it will cause you to question everything you've ever been told about making money from home.
Because the truth is anyone can quickly and easily make $213... $336... or even $459 each and every day working from home.
Are You Tired of Feeling Trapped and Working Like A Desperate Dog Just To Get By?
I used to feel trapped in my dead-end job. The long hours. The painful commute. The insensitive boss. Then I was laid off and the shame of being unemployed was too much. I had to accept food stamps... my mother supported me financially... and every day I felt more and more trapped.
It was devastating.
And I wasn't alone. Friends and family were in the same terrible situation. In fact, I recently discovered we're in the middle of...
The Worst Job Market In 65 Years!
According to CNN, the unemployment rate is at the highest its been since 1945. In fact, if you were to count the number of layoffs each day... you would discover that... a person is laid off every twelve seconds.
And if they do find a job opening, guess what? They're not competing against just a few other applicants... they're forced to compete with hundreds of them... many who are more qualified and willing to settle for less.
And if you live in America... it gets worse. The NY Times revealed Americans are the most overworked people in the developed world. On average, we work more days, longer hours, and take less vacations than any other country.
These studies all prove one thing: this is the worst job market in 65 years.
And I'm sorry to say it but...
Chances Are, Your Employer Does NOT Care About You, Your Family, Or Your Well Being...
It's tough to take, I know. But it's the truth. These corporations couldn't care less about you. Because to them... you're not a person... you're a machine. A machine that... above anything else... is replaceable.
But now...
You Can Have These Corporations On Their Knees... Begging and Pleading For You To Work For Them... And... They're Willing To Pay You $72 An Hour For The Privilage!
Here's how I discovered this life-changing opportunity. It happened one day while I was searching on Google for ways to make money from home. I had tried all the 'get rich quick' programs... stuffing envelopes, data entry, paid surveys... you name, I tried it.
But they all failed. Miserably.
Desperate, I began looking for something new. Something guaranteed to work and applied almost effortlessly.
Then IT happened...
I discovered a one-of-a-kind opporunity that finally provided reliable income. And it wasn't just a steady 'trickle', either... it was more money than I had ever made before! In fact, within my first 3 days... I was already pulling in an astonishing $72 an hour!
Now that may not sound like much, but for me it was a game-changer. After chasing 'get rich quick' programs which promised unbelievable amounts of money (and they were 'unbelievable' for a reason) I was delighted to hold such a large paycheck in my hands.
Let me tell you... it was an enormous relief to resolve my debts, pay my mother back, and ensure I would never worry about money again. Now that I understand how reliable my income is, I 'work' a stress-free two or three hours a day... and still make more money than most full-time employees!
Once I discovered this secret, my life changed drastically. I was so ecstatic with my new-found freedom I had to share my success with others.
Which is why you're here today...
Would you like to learn more about this revolutionary opportunity that ordinary people are seeing great results with all over the world? Then you must keep reading because...
These Positions Exploit A Hidden 'Loophole' That Lets You Work 'With'... Not 'For'... Fortune 500 Companies In Countries All Around The World!
How is this possible? Let me explain.
As we both already know, most companies coudn't care less about you and your family. What they're concerned with is how much money they make each and every day.
And we're not talking about revenue here... we're talking about profits. The amount of money left over after they've paid their expenses and overhead.
And do you know the number one expense for companies? I'll tell you... it's employees.
But, a company needs employees to make money in the first place, right? After all, someone's gotta do the work? Yes, that's true. But what a company doesn't need to pay for is an office for their employees to work in.
In fact... study after study has proven companies save a staggering amount of money by letting employees work from home.
For example, Sun Microsystems Inc. calculates it saves $300 million every year in real estate costs by allowing nearly 50% of its employees to work anywhere they want.
And according to the Telework Research Network (which has been cited by the Harvard Business Review and Fortune Magazine), companies who let employees work from home save an average of $20,000 per employee.
I think I've made my point which is...
Fortune 500 Companies Have $80 BILLION At Risk And Need YOUR Help To Get The Job Done!
These companies did something very clever. They figured out a way to increase their sales and lower their expenses with the least amount of work possible... and... in doing so... they created over one million new work at home positions!
So what are these positions, and where can we find them?
Let me explain. These positions are the 'secret weapons' of Fortune 500 companies...and... have helped sell over $80,000,000,000.00 in the past year alone.
They're called 'Promotional Reps'.
And there's only one place you can find them...
Right here.
Here's how it works...
Fortune 500 companies need someone to promote their products, right? But -- as we've already seen -- it'd cost an absolute fortune to hire, train and house their own employees.
So what they did was... outsource all the work to a third party who then hires and trains the Promotional Reps to list their hottest new products on sites like eBay and Craigslist.
For example, let's say Dell Computers just created a one-of-a-kind new laptop. They need MASSIVE exposure to make as many sales as humanly possible... but... paying someone to do it full-time would cost them a fortune (plus taxes, which are only getting worse)... so the Promotional Reps list the products for them.
It's a win/win for everyone. The companies save a bundle, consumers get high quality products at a discount and the Promotional Reps get to...
Work From Home, Be Their Own Boss And Set Their Own Hours... Without Selling Anything!
When I first heard about this incredible position, I thought I had to sell products.
You know, like those door to door salesman selling knives, vaccum cleaners and kitchenware. Ugh. No thanks.
But I was delighted to discover these positions are not in sales. You don't have to sell anything to anybody.
You simply list the promotions and the item numbers. That's all there is to it.
This is the 'secret' I discovered... and it changed my life forever.
Once I sliced through the red tape, I found a staggering number of 'work from home' positions just dying to be filled!
You can start making money immediately... once you have insider knowledge of where these positions exist and how to use them to your advantage.
And once you do... you can make an incredible income from home working with some of the largest, most trusted companies in the world.
And you're not alone. In fact...
1.3 Million People Make A Full-Time Income From Home Using This Exact Same System!
IMAGE OF LARGE CROWD
According to a 2006 ACNielsen study, as many as 1.3 million people earn a living using this same strategy I'm about to show you.
It all starts with a company you're already familiar with...
eBay. The largest marketplace in the world.
In history.
Here are some remarkable things you should know about eBay...
Jim's 'Fast Facts' About eBay
# EBay has been the fastest growing company in the history of U.S. business.
# EBay conducts more transactions every day than either the New York Stock Exchange or the Nasdaq.
# This year, about 1.8 billion items are expected to be listed on eBay and, by year-end, more than $40 billion worth items are bought and sold. More than $80,000 dollars of goods and services get traded every minute.
# According to a 2006 ACNielsen study, as many as 1.3 million people earn a living using eBay.
# EBay operates in 27 countries, and this year roughly half of its revenues will originate outside the U.S. Germany is eBay's largest market outside the U.S.' meanwhile, its user base in China grows by some 20,000 people every day and is already above 20 million.
Over $1,333.33 Is Earned Every Second On eBay!
As you can see, this is a HUGE amount of money.
It's so big that over $40 billion of goods are bought and sold every year... which is over $1,333.33 each and every second.
Just think... how many seconds have passed since you started reading this?
But eBay is just the beginning...
...the real money is when you leverage several others websites that... when combined... are over 446.3 MILLION buyers!
So what are these other websites?
Let's look at each one briefly...
PICTURE: TaoBao (250 Million Users) + eBay (125 Million Users) + Craigslist (50 Million Users) + Overstock (21.3 Million Users) = 446.3 MILLION
Jim's Fun Fact: Did you know the United States is the third largest nation in the world (behind India and China) with over 307 million people? And do you realize the market we are talking about is 37% BIGGER, making it the third largest group of people in the entire world?
PICTURE:
Total Population in United States: 307 Million People
Total Number of Users Accessed With This System: 446.3 Million BUYERS!
OK, that's a lot of people... but how do we actually make money from this?
Introducing...
The Absolutely Brilliant Way To Make Money From Home... By Tapping Into The Hottest, Fastest Growing Market The World Has Ever Seen!
Alright, enough beating around the bush. How exactly does all this work, and how much money can you really make?
I mean... all these different sites and different products... this has gotta be confusing, right?
Nope. It's actually very, very easy to do.
You see, I've created a simple to use system that hands you these sites on a silver platter.
How Long Does Each Listing Take? Let Me Show You How Fast... And Easy... This Really Is!
INSERT DEMO VIDEO HERE
How Much Money Do YOU Want To Make Today?
Well... it depends on two things: 1) how many hours you want to work each day, and 2) how fast you can do each listing.
Obvously, the more listings you complete... the more money you'll make.
How much does each listing pay? Well, that varies, but you can earn up to $5 for each listing.
INSERT EARNINGS TABLE HERE
Can you say 'opportunity'? This is quite simply the largest and most amazing money making opportunity in history.
Bottom line: This work from home opportunity is going to make lots of people very, very wealthy. And it's about to get even better....
Are you ready for this?
OK... what if I told you that you could work for Fortune 500 companies from home... access hundreds of millions of people in the fastest growing market the world has ever seen... and that...
You Can Make Money Online... Up To $75/Hr... Without Even Owning A Computer!
Wait a minute, how is this possible? After all, you need a computer to access the Internet, right? Well, that's true... but... if you have a mobile phone with an Internet connection... you can do that as well!
How much time do you spend staring at your phone? Texting your friends and family? What if you could get paid $72 for each and every hour you're on the phone... anywhere in the world... whenever you want?
Well, now you can!
You Can Be Your Own Boss
You Can Set Your Own Hours
You Can Work From Anywhere in the World
You Can Start Today
You Can Get Your First Paycheck This Friday
My Two Part Guarantee To You
(you'll be amazed by this!)
This will no doubt be the most remarkable guarantee you've ever seen. If you find this position is not for you (hey, nothing's perfect for everyone, right?) simply send me an email and you'll receive a prompt and courteous refund.
You have my word.
But here's where things get interesting. Because I'm willing to...
Give You $500 CASH If This Doesn't Work For You!
Jim's Reason #1: Businesses Need Your Help!
Because of the recession, many businesses aren't able to pay rent for storefronts.
It's a 'do or die' situation... either go online or go bankrupt. So now there's a tremendous number of new businesses going online... and they need YOUR help getting their products listed.
Jim's Reason #2: People Need Your Help!
Because of the recession, more and more people are looking to save money. And they know there's always a deal on eBay or Craigslist.
With the resources provided here, you can help businesses get their products online, help people save money on their purchases they're going to make anyways... and... make an honest full time income from home. But you must act on this now before this becomes too popular and I close this down.
I'm drafting a work at home piece for a client and hoped to get a few sharp criticisms about this letter. There's gonna be a demo video, but it ain't here yet.
Anyways, YOUR feedback would be GREATLY appreciated!
Cheers,
Coz
Here it is:
-----------------------------
Next Paycheck Delivered (That Friday)
LIMITED POSITIONS AVAILABLE!!!
- You Can Be Your Own Boss
- You Can Set Your Own Hours
- You Can Work From Anywhere in the World
- You Can Start Today
- You Can Get Your First Paycheck This Friday
From: Jim Rogers, 'America's Work at Home Coach'
If you want to learn how someone can work from home... and... make $127,000 within their first year... this will be the most fascinating letter you'll ever read.
What I'm about to share with you is so cutting edge... so radically different... it will cause you to question everything you've ever been told about making money from home.
Because the truth is anyone can quickly and easily make $213... $336... or even $459 each and every day working from home.
Are You Tired of Feeling Trapped and Working Like A Desperate Dog Just To Get By?
I used to feel trapped in my dead-end job. The long hours. The painful commute. The insensitive boss. Then I was laid off and the shame of being unemployed was too much. I had to accept food stamps... my mother supported me financially... and every day I felt more and more trapped.
It was devastating.
And I wasn't alone. Friends and family were in the same terrible situation. In fact, I recently discovered we're in the middle of...
The Worst Job Market In 65 Years!
According to CNN, the unemployment rate is at the highest its been since 1945. In fact, if you were to count the number of layoffs each day... you would discover that... a person is laid off every twelve seconds.
And if they do find a job opening, guess what? They're not competing against just a few other applicants... they're forced to compete with hundreds of them... many who are more qualified and willing to settle for less.
And if you live in America... it gets worse. The NY Times revealed Americans are the most overworked people in the developed world. On average, we work more days, longer hours, and take less vacations than any other country.
These studies all prove one thing: this is the worst job market in 65 years.
And I'm sorry to say it but...
Chances Are, Your Employer Does NOT Care About You, Your Family, Or Your Well Being...
It's tough to take, I know. But it's the truth. These corporations couldn't care less about you. Because to them... you're not a person... you're a machine. A machine that... above anything else... is replaceable.
But now...
You Can Have These Corporations On Their Knees... Begging and Pleading For You To Work For Them... And... They're Willing To Pay You $72 An Hour For The Privilage!
Here's how I discovered this life-changing opportunity. It happened one day while I was searching on Google for ways to make money from home. I had tried all the 'get rich quick' programs... stuffing envelopes, data entry, paid surveys... you name, I tried it.
But they all failed. Miserably.
Desperate, I began looking for something new. Something guaranteed to work and applied almost effortlessly.
Then IT happened...
I discovered a one-of-a-kind opporunity that finally provided reliable income. And it wasn't just a steady 'trickle', either... it was more money than I had ever made before! In fact, within my first 3 days... I was already pulling in an astonishing $72 an hour!
Now that may not sound like much, but for me it was a game-changer. After chasing 'get rich quick' programs which promised unbelievable amounts of money (and they were 'unbelievable' for a reason) I was delighted to hold such a large paycheck in my hands.
Let me tell you... it was an enormous relief to resolve my debts, pay my mother back, and ensure I would never worry about money again. Now that I understand how reliable my income is, I 'work' a stress-free two or three hours a day... and still make more money than most full-time employees!
Once I discovered this secret, my life changed drastically. I was so ecstatic with my new-found freedom I had to share my success with others.
Which is why you're here today...
Would you like to learn more about this revolutionary opportunity that ordinary people are seeing great results with all over the world? Then you must keep reading because...
These Positions Exploit A Hidden 'Loophole' That Lets You Work 'With'... Not 'For'... Fortune 500 Companies In Countries All Around The World!
How is this possible? Let me explain.
As we both already know, most companies coudn't care less about you and your family. What they're concerned with is how much money they make each and every day.
And we're not talking about revenue here... we're talking about profits. The amount of money left over after they've paid their expenses and overhead.
And do you know the number one expense for companies? I'll tell you... it's employees.
But, a company needs employees to make money in the first place, right? After all, someone's gotta do the work? Yes, that's true. But what a company doesn't need to pay for is an office for their employees to work in.
In fact... study after study has proven companies save a staggering amount of money by letting employees work from home.
For example, Sun Microsystems Inc. calculates it saves $300 million every year in real estate costs by allowing nearly 50% of its employees to work anywhere they want.
And according to the Telework Research Network (which has been cited by the Harvard Business Review and Fortune Magazine), companies who let employees work from home save an average of $20,000 per employee.
I think I've made my point which is...
Fortune 500 Companies Have $80 BILLION At Risk And Need YOUR Help To Get The Job Done!
These companies did something very clever. They figured out a way to increase their sales and lower their expenses with the least amount of work possible... and... in doing so... they created over one million new work at home positions!
So what are these positions, and where can we find them?
Let me explain. These positions are the 'secret weapons' of Fortune 500 companies...and... have helped sell over $80,000,000,000.00 in the past year alone.
They're called 'Promotional Reps'.
And there's only one place you can find them...
Right here.
Here's how it works...
Fortune 500 companies need someone to promote their products, right? But -- as we've already seen -- it'd cost an absolute fortune to hire, train and house their own employees.
So what they did was... outsource all the work to a third party who then hires and trains the Promotional Reps to list their hottest new products on sites like eBay and Craigslist.
For example, let's say Dell Computers just created a one-of-a-kind new laptop. They need MASSIVE exposure to make as many sales as humanly possible... but... paying someone to do it full-time would cost them a fortune (plus taxes, which are only getting worse)... so the Promotional Reps list the products for them.
It's a win/win for everyone. The companies save a bundle, consumers get high quality products at a discount and the Promotional Reps get to...
Work From Home, Be Their Own Boss And Set Their Own Hours... Without Selling Anything!
When I first heard about this incredible position, I thought I had to sell products.
You know, like those door to door salesman selling knives, vaccum cleaners and kitchenware. Ugh. No thanks.
But I was delighted to discover these positions are not in sales. You don't have to sell anything to anybody.
You simply list the promotions and the item numbers. That's all there is to it.
This is the 'secret' I discovered... and it changed my life forever.
Once I sliced through the red tape, I found a staggering number of 'work from home' positions just dying to be filled!
You can start making money immediately... once you have insider knowledge of where these positions exist and how to use them to your advantage.
And once you do... you can make an incredible income from home working with some of the largest, most trusted companies in the world.
And you're not alone. In fact...
1.3 Million People Make A Full-Time Income From Home Using This Exact Same System!
IMAGE OF LARGE CROWD
According to a 2006 ACNielsen study, as many as 1.3 million people earn a living using this same strategy I'm about to show you.
It all starts with a company you're already familiar with...
eBay. The largest marketplace in the world.
In history.
Here are some remarkable things you should know about eBay...
Jim's 'Fast Facts' About eBay
# EBay has been the fastest growing company in the history of U.S. business.
# EBay conducts more transactions every day than either the New York Stock Exchange or the Nasdaq.
# This year, about 1.8 billion items are expected to be listed on eBay and, by year-end, more than $40 billion worth items are bought and sold. More than $80,000 dollars of goods and services get traded every minute.
# According to a 2006 ACNielsen study, as many as 1.3 million people earn a living using eBay.
# EBay operates in 27 countries, and this year roughly half of its revenues will originate outside the U.S. Germany is eBay's largest market outside the U.S.' meanwhile, its user base in China grows by some 20,000 people every day and is already above 20 million.
Over $1,333.33 Is Earned Every Second On eBay!
As you can see, this is a HUGE amount of money.
It's so big that over $40 billion of goods are bought and sold every year... which is over $1,333.33 each and every second.
Just think... how many seconds have passed since you started reading this?
But eBay is just the beginning...
...the real money is when you leverage several others websites that... when combined... are over 446.3 MILLION buyers!
So what are these other websites?
Let's look at each one briefly...
- Taobao, the 'eBay of China'. Already larger than eBay, TaoBao has over 250 million users and is growing every day.
- Craigslist. One of the most popular websites on the Internet (it currently ranks 7th for the monthly visitors), Besides eBay, Craigslist is the place for people looking to buy and sell products.
- Overstock.com Ranked second highest for customer service online, Overstock is eBay's main competitor and has over 21.3 million visitors every month
PICTURE: TaoBao (250 Million Users) + eBay (125 Million Users) + Craigslist (50 Million Users) + Overstock (21.3 Million Users) = 446.3 MILLION
Jim's Fun Fact: Did you know the United States is the third largest nation in the world (behind India and China) with over 307 million people? And do you realize the market we are talking about is 37% BIGGER, making it the third largest group of people in the entire world?
PICTURE:
Total Population in United States: 307 Million People
Total Number of Users Accessed With This System: 446.3 Million BUYERS!
OK, that's a lot of people... but how do we actually make money from this?
Introducing...
The Absolutely Brilliant Way To Make Money From Home... By Tapping Into The Hottest, Fastest Growing Market The World Has Ever Seen!
Alright, enough beating around the bush. How exactly does all this work, and how much money can you really make?
I mean... all these different sites and different products... this has gotta be confusing, right?
Nope. It's actually very, very easy to do.
You see, I've created a simple to use system that hands you these sites on a silver platter.
How Long Does Each Listing Take? Let Me Show You How Fast... And Easy... This Really Is!
INSERT DEMO VIDEO HERE
How Much Money Do YOU Want To Make Today?
Well... it depends on two things: 1) how many hours you want to work each day, and 2) how fast you can do each listing.
Obvously, the more listings you complete... the more money you'll make.
How much does each listing pay? Well, that varies, but you can earn up to $5 for each listing.
INSERT EARNINGS TABLE HERE
Can you say 'opportunity'? This is quite simply the largest and most amazing money making opportunity in history.
Bottom line: This work from home opportunity is going to make lots of people very, very wealthy. And it's about to get even better....
Are you ready for this?
OK... what if I told you that you could work for Fortune 500 companies from home... access hundreds of millions of people in the fastest growing market the world has ever seen... and that...
You Can Make Money Online... Up To $75/Hr... Without Even Owning A Computer!
Wait a minute, how is this possible? After all, you need a computer to access the Internet, right? Well, that's true... but... if you have a mobile phone with an Internet connection... you can do that as well!
How much time do you spend staring at your phone? Texting your friends and family? What if you could get paid $72 for each and every hour you're on the phone... anywhere in the world... whenever you want?
Well, now you can!
You Can Be Your Own Boss
You Can Set Your Own Hours
You Can Work From Anywhere in the World
You Can Start Today
You Can Get Your First Paycheck This Friday
My Two Part Guarantee To You
(you'll be amazed by this!)
This will no doubt be the most remarkable guarantee you've ever seen. If you find this position is not for you (hey, nothing's perfect for everyone, right?) simply send me an email and you'll receive a prompt and courteous refund.
You have my word.
But here's where things get interesting. Because I'm willing to...
Give You $500 CASH If This Doesn't Work For You!
My Personal Vow To You: If you promise to follow every simple, proven step that I've shown you in the videos above... and you don't see results like I've shown you... simply send me proof you have put everything into practice (which is very, very easy to do: just send me screenshots of your listings) and I will send you a full refund PLUS $500 USD direct to your bank account!
Yes, I'm that sure this can work for you... so why not give a shot today, completely at my risk?
Two Reasons Why The Economic Crisis Practically Guarantees Your Success Jim's Reason #1: Businesses Need Your Help!
Because of the recession, many businesses aren't able to pay rent for storefronts.
It's a 'do or die' situation... either go online or go bankrupt. So now there's a tremendous number of new businesses going online... and they need YOUR help getting their products listed.
Jim's Reason #2: People Need Your Help!
Because of the recession, more and more people are looking to save money. And they know there's always a deal on eBay or Craigslist.
With the resources provided here, you can help businesses get their products online, help people save money on their purchases they're going to make anyways... and... make an honest full time income from home. But you must act on this now before this becomes too popular and I close this down.
Site being revamped.
If you want help with copy stuff, pm me.
Cool.
Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.