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Review This Page For Me Please!!!

by helper
8 replies
Hello copywriters, please I want you to review this sales page for me. All positive and negative comments are welcome.
Thanks!
#page #review
  • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
    Hi Helper,

    First the good news...

    You appear to have the research, credibility and customer feedback
    to help you.

    The bad news is that how it's put together has very little selling power.

    A professional copywriter will be able to turn it around for you because
    he/she has something to work with.

    All the best,
    Ewen
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  • Profile picture of the author Andrew Gould
    Hi Helper,

    I'm afraid you've messed up with your copy and paste job. You left this in your sales page:

    Gustavus Hindman Miller is an author who interprets dreams better than any other author. I have been analyzing my dreams for the last ten years and bought dozens of books but no author can match his exceptional interpretions. I have bought every one of his books and will continue to do so in the future.
    And directly underneath it:

    "Joseph Smith is an author who interprets dreams better than any other author. I have been analyzing my dreams for the last ten years and bought dozens of books but no author can match his exceptional interpretions. I have bought every one of his books and will continue to do so in the future."

    Caroline Jordan-Sheffield,UK
    A bit of Googling found the first quote is from here:

    Amazon.com: 10,000 Dreams and Their Traditional...Amazon.com: 10,000 Dreams and Their Traditional...

    I don't really need to say much more do I?

    But I'm sure the rest of your page is just fine and everything else is 100% legit...
    Signature

    Andrew Gould

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    • Profile picture of the author VyctorB_10
      From a non-professional potential buyer/viewer point of view, as Ewen has mentioned above, though the ad is good, but lacks fire power... & manipulating "WOW" factor and "panic Hot Button" for buy now or miss out forever drive-to-buy force & effect.

      To illustrate this, I suggest you even go as far as provide free sample dream readings.. I for one, was always intrigued of what it means when you dream of yourself actually dying or seeing coffins, or your own in a dream... I've been told the opposite that it's actually symbolizes good luck.

      but just like a car salesman, let's 1 smell the leather, and test-drive that brand spanking new car, you can also build a sample demo or engine to let dreamers interpret their 1st sample, through your website - then once the word gets out that it works for them and could potentially for their friends, you can add word-of-mouth to your sales & marketing strategies...

      another little nitpick is your grammar, please be aware that sometimes little spelling errors can account for lack of professionalism and can lose sales.. i.e. you used "this dream interpretation books" this is plural and should be "these" instead of "this", for it has been come across many times, and at the end, funny you did use "these" so, if you can change them all to "these" would be great. I guess it's cool for testimonials to be kept as it, though may be littered with grammatical errors, because you want to maintain that they are real and not "SUPER-PERFECT" which can come across as even fake if you know what I mean, but your actually copy can't have any can must be FREE of spelling errors.

      So like Ewen, suggested, I suggest a re-write or add to this copy with more substance in CONVINCING Demos & examples, to make our Curiosity MOUTHWATERING with "YES I HAVE TO HAVE THAT LIFE-CHANGING DREAM BOOK NOW BEFORE YOU TAKE IT OFF THE SITE SHELFS!".. and also do a perfect proof-read or 2nd-hand proof-edit of this copy otherwise it's good.




      Good writing~ ~



      Victor~
      Signature
      "To learn is to unlearn, to know is to unknow, rediscover & remaster everything...then relearn it ALL again!"
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    • Profile picture of the author Bruce Wedding
      Originally Posted by Andrew Gould View Post

      Hi Helper,

      I'm afraid you've messed up with your copy and paste job. You left this in your sales page:

      And directly underneath it:

      A bit of Googling found the first quote is from here:

      Amazon.com: 10,000 Dreams and Their Traditional Meanings (9780572021443): Foulsham Books, Gustavus Hindman Miller: Books


      I don't really need to say much more do I?

      But I'm sure the rest of your page is just fine and everything else is 100% legit...
      WOW! The cajones on some people. Good catch Gould.
      Signature
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  • Profile picture of the author MillionairesDream.com
    I think, (from a "newish" .Point Of View)The format, Line spacing, and graphic layout needs some work. No value gift (list build) might keep visitors from becoming subscribers, and future customers.

    I Like the content, and nice flow, but the bullet spaces look uneven, and font choice for the header is difficult for me to read.
    Signature
    WE ARE THE
    MILLIONAIRE'S TEAM.
    When you found us, that is what we were, when you are long gone, we will still be.


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  • Profile picture of the author Evan-M
    you need some compelling graphics, and to layout the page much better.

    you need more of a designer, than a copywriter.
    Signature

    Evan-M

    Easily The Worlds Best Wordpress Popup plugin

    Visit Website Design Firm For All Your Wordpress Coding Needs

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