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Can I Please Get Feedback On Improving Sales Copy

by MartiG
6 replies
Hi,

I would really appreciate any help or feedback on
my sales copy...

Any thoughts or suggestions on how to
maximize the site's conversion rate?

Thanks so much for your time!

Marti
www.SlipStreamDiet.com/index2.html
#advice #conversion #critiques #improve #page #potential #sales
  • Profile picture of the author Hank Rearden
    Instant contradiction - Lose 20lbs in 4 weeks without special diets. Website's name (at the top, in the image) is slipstream diet.

    Fix this first.

    - HR
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    I swear by my life and my love of it that I will
    never live for the sake of another man, nor ask
    another man to live for mine.
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  • Profile picture of the author George Sepich
    Hi Marti,
    I think you should be on camera during your video, at least for some of it. Just doing a voice over I don't think you are emotionally connecting with your target audience, You have a story to tell. They need to identify with you more.

    If you can't or won't do that, I would hire a professional actor to do it (with whatever proper disclaimers you might need). The voiceover only is just to cold.

    George
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    Need Help? GeorgeSepich.com Digital Marketing Solutions From George Sepich.

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    • Profile picture of the author copycashvalve
      Originally Posted by George Sepich View Post

      Hi Marti,
      I think you should be on camera during your video, at least for some of it. Just doing a voice over I don't think you are emotionally connecting with your target audience, You have a story to tell. They need to identify with you more.

      If you can't or won't do that, I would hire a professional actor to do it (with whatever proper disclaimers you might need). The voiceover only is just to cold.

      George

      Video is dangerous unless you know how to pull it off. Be careful with video in sales copy.

      more on this later.
      Signature

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      • Profile picture of the author taji
        My attention span isn't that long. It seems like your video goes on too long. There are 20 slides on the video. You could break them up into smaller videos and position them further down the sales letter.
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  • Profile picture of the author taylormarek
    I'd say change the copy the previous warriors mentioned. The audio on your video cuts out at times too.
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  • Profile picture of the author jimmack
    Always approach from WIIFM. Whats in it for me. We seem to forget that, but it makes the most effective copy for the reader.
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    Getting back in the internet world after a brief absence. Gonna re stake my claim!

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