Which Headline Is More Powerful?

I vote for "Insider Secrets Revealed..." Not much of a fan of questions in headlines thats why! Might be just me though!

I don't really like either... but if I were you I'd split test them both and see which one wins.

Anything you get here is only an opinion. When you test them you get cold, hard data.

-Dan

I think the second would work ONLY if you immediately provide PROOF after you claim that. If not, internet marketers will blow you off (we're a tought crowd because we see stuff like that all the time)

js

I can't stand either of them... they are both too wordy.

You need to chop "reveals step-by-step method" and "with minimal effort" out of the first one and the second one doesn't need the follow up question.

When I read the 2nd one, I'm expecting a long winded, drawn out, sales letter. Then combined with let me try & decipher this guys details - cause I know I'll have questions.

With the first one, I don't feel the hard sell - and makes me only wonder one thing -- "Is it really just "1" secret? I'm tempted to read more & slowly. With the 2nd one, I'm tempted to skim really fast & go for the Exit/Click to ensure I get a price reduction.

I don't like either, either.

You need to narrow down your offer, and create one that explains the benefit well. And besides, I'm pretty sure I've seen those headlines a bazillion times. What exactly are you offering?

Maybe you'll be able to get some better help.

-Dean

They both suck

I say this one, it gives more detail. The $1599.39 is great.

With money and the success of your piece on the line, it would be wise to head back to the drawing table.

How should you do this?

Here are a few possibilities to consider:

* Start by defining what's unique about your system or product from everything else that's out there. Your current options don't have very strong promises. Why are they insider secrets? Is there a compelling story you can tell? The latter one is more specific, but seems to be missing what needs to be said. Maybe there's something in how you got it down to 4 hours a week?

* Create a clear picture of who you're selling/talking to. This will tell you what needs to be said. Are they beginners? Broke? Have existing businesses? Unemployed? Have a family? Tried other products before? What level of understanding/awareness does he/she have about your product or service? What are his/her biggest objections to your products or service?

* After you've done your homework, it's time to get to work. Create 20-25 unique headlines. Do so while imagining you are sitting in front of your target prospect. Then, take what you like from these headlines and combine them into new headlines.

All in all, you shouldn't be afraid to spend several days just working on your headline, pre-head, and subheads. What you do here will create pieces of copy or ideas you can incorporate later in your copy. You also might work on your bullets before you get started on this as defining your benefits helps you determine what's really important and what needs to be communicated.

Well I think the market, which determines
your traffic source, might make a
difference?

For example, are you targetting those who
aspire to be 'insiders' and thus wish to know
those 'secrets', or opportunity seekers?

This is a non-trivial question.

Stephen

How can anyone be expected to give you any meaningful feedback
about a headline for a product they never seen or copy that isn't there...

The best we can do is ping off of how the HL is phrased in very general terms.

That said, neither is particularly compelling for the jaded and "seen it all before"
Make Moniez Online market.

Here's a tip though - edit that sucker ruthlessly until every single letter of every
word has earned it place there.

"$1599.39 With Just A Four-Hour Work Week?"

Works a lot more efficiently than padding it with what if's and would you's.

To busy working to make money? What if you could bank $1559.9 in 4 hours ...EVERY WEEK?

Actually ...

I like this one "To busy working to make money? What if you could bank $1559.9 in 4 hours ...EVERY WEEK?" from madison_avenue.

The top would be better if you had a specific number of steps listed. The bottom one is too wordy, but could probably be salvaged with something like: "Want to make $1599.39 in a 4 hour workweek?"

bottom one.

Both seem hasty ripoffs that don't really communicate much. Vague promises of windfalls and tired phrases like the four hour work week don't really cut it these days.

Go back to your product and your offer, find what's really beneficial, important and unique about it, then try to just communicate that clearly. Then you can add power words, imagery and whatever you like to make it sing and dance.

But first, you've got to know very very clearly what you're communicating, and to whom.

I'm no pro, but here's my quick stab at it

Top Dog Internet Marketing Guru Finally Reveals His Most Closely Guarded Cash Flow Secret!

"Discover how you too can make $1599.39 in only 4 hours with this easy, step by step guide to Maximum Cash Flow with Minimum Effort..."

I personally don't like headlines in question form. Yeah, it's a bit more "interactive" and allows people to think, but it's beating around the bush for me. I'd like the headline to declare something, and feel like it is so sure of what it is saying that it just says it, no more buying time asking questions.

I like both.

As for which one is better it depends on who reads it.

Have you thought about using both.

Set up 2 sites and see which one 'wins'?

Just a thought.

Let us know what you decide I will be excited to see
which one gets the most response.

Jess

If you can make $1500 in four hours, why would you be wasting your time telling someone else how to do it? So the second one is not believable!

Both headlines seem gramatically incorect...

And its very clear where you stapled the headlines from...

FIRST - a mixture of IMC's Insider Secrets course and Gary Halbert's "Maximum Money In Minimum Time"

SECOND - standard "what if" headline from... crap i can't remember... plus Tim Ferris's book title.

Obviously though the more specific one with a time frame attached is the more powerful headline.

I go for B... and so should you.