Review My Head line

15 years ago

Offer a well written testimonial, not the product, if you want copywriters (real ones) to respond.

In any event, I won't do the headline, but if it is indeed pulling at 20% you'll have your work cut out bettering that rate. Testing is a fine thing, but don't fix things until they don't work as well either.

There is always a possibility one of your testimonial submitters would offer a grabber of a headline within their comments, which you could then put quotation marks around ...with full name.

A photo before/after, or several, along with testimonials

"I am giving away ....? ....!" That one of five people think this is compelling enough to respond fascinates me. The headline seems weak because you don't say something like "Certified Fitness Trainer gives away..."

The "here's my story ...but I have zero proof, no credentials or a shred of evidence why you should believe a single thing I say" thing is tired. But if it works that well, you really don't need a thing.

If it were a lower responding effort, however, you'd want to bring in a third party like a doctor or other voice of authority to "Swear under oath..." with photo, full name, credentials, and maybe even some background.

But finally, you're looking at a control with those kind of numbers. My suggestion is roll out, then hire a copywriter who has beaten a control piece.

Another thing that fascinates me are the army of people claiming unprecedented success and six figure incomes, who can't afford more than a couple hundred for a copywriter.

Thanks
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FitJerk 15 years ago

Hmm, that's some sound advice. Thanks, much appreciated. Although I haven't come up with a new headline just yet, I DID backup my old work just in case my opt-in rate drops with the new one.

As for testimonials, the product is new and I want real testimonials so I am waiting until my customers are at least 30 days along in the process. It's only been like 20 days since I released the product.

I DO have certification, and ill put that up. Although I see too many chubby personal trainers anyways so to me it doesn't mean shit, but I know it will help the opt-in.

Ill post the update with a better opt-in page once its done.
- Thanks
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TomLeDree

15 years ago

One thing that might help is moving your opt-in box up. On my computer your opt-in box is half below the 'fold'.

I think if you move it up it will help. You could do this easily by removing the huge gap between the top of the page and where the header is.

Hope this helps!

Thanks

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madonemark2

15 years ago

I think the head line is to too long. Get the people that have brought you ebook to write you a testimonial try using a short video . Give a bit more information on what your product is going to do for them

Thanks

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Mark

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J.Knight

15 years ago

Originally Posted by metalslug

Hey guys, So about 3 weeks ago I finally launched my Fitness Ebook. So far i have about 85 people on the opt-in list. I have sold about 14 books with 0 refunds and nothing but raving reviews... all of which are going to be
in written testimonial format soon.

BUT... thats not why Im here. Im here because my opt-in rate is around 20% and I need a bump... since i only get a few hundred visitors a day, I need to make the most of it.

Tell me what you think of this head line over here:
www[dot]flawlessfitnessbook[dot]com

The reason im not "pasting" it here is so you can see what it looks and feels like with the opt-in box and banner... etc.

Suggestions welcome. If I use your head line and it proves to be effective, I can mail a hardcopy of the book right to your door or you get $20... your pick.

Proof will be handled by a screen capture from my google analytics account.

Thanks for your time

Sahil M
FlawlessFitnessBook

"You're About to Discover the Tried and Tested Secrets a Certified Gymnastics Coach Uses with His Clients, Which Will Double Your Fitness Results in Almost Half the Time"

Inside you'll learn...

How you can achieve a body you've only dreamed of
How to skyrocket your energy levels
Insert a benefit they'll learn
Insert a benefit they'll learn
Insert a benefit they'll learn

Are you ready to change your life?

Simply complete the form, and I'll give you instant free access to my Head Start Guide.

-------------------------------------

Edit as you see fit. But remember, you're just trying to get their name and email, not sell them anything (yet). Keep it short and to the point, list the greatest benefits (in the bullet list) of what they will achieve with your information.

Keep pressing on,

JK

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FitJerk

15 years ago

Love it, thanks J.Knight.

The current headline i have on my site is something i put up yesterday so after a few days of testing I am going to try yours... ill post the start date and the end date of it and post a snapshot from google analytics.

If my opt-in went up... ill send you my free book. (or paypal $20... what ever you want)

thanks again.

PS- DOES THE COLOR OF THE HEADLINE MATTER? I've heard somewhere red screams "warning" and that Blue is soothing. Though i have seen some successful red ones. What are your thoughts?

Thanks
1 reply

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J.Knight

15 years ago

Originally Posted by metalslug

Love it, thanks J.Knight.

The current headline i have on my site is something i put up yesterday so after a few days of testing I am going to try yours... ill post the start date and the end date of it and post a snapshot from google analytics.

If my opt-in went up... ill send you my free book. (or paypal $20... what ever you want)

thanks again.

PS- DOES THE COLOR OF THE HEADLINE MATTER? I've heard somewhere red screams "warning" and that Blue is soothing. Though i have seen some successful red ones. What are your thoughts?

No problem dude. Glad to help.

You could also play around with percentages, instead of 'half' and 'double' which may be more effective.

Red does give an alert, but that's why it's effective for headlines. It's more likely to get read. Personally, I think a red headline would work better on your page, but it's up to you.

Just keep testing.

JK

Thanks

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Michael G Perry

15 years ago

Sahil.. I like the copy... I think you are 95% done..

One thing (it's minor) is the red logo...

I notice when I read the copy..my eyes (naturually) wondered back up to the top of the page where your logo is at; look for yourself..You want to draw the reader to the headline and not let them get caught up in the graphic..

KNOW this: The human eye (as many know) will gravitate to RED.. so if you want the reader to crescendo down page.. change the main headline to red.. and

A Black Belt Martial Artist, Certified Gymnastics Coach and Former Athlete reveals the secrets to Fat Loss, Muscle Gain and Ultimate Strength in his FREE Intro Guide to an Air force blue..

Other than that you have a really nice piece.. simple, clean and concise..

Nice Job..

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Nick Doyle

15 years ago

Always go with a RED HEADLINE, use TAHOMA and start off with something like "You're About To Discover ..." or "You're About To Learn ..." or "Who Else Wants ..."

They grab attention like nothing else. But a lot of good stuff has been said already so you're in good hands

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oboi2121 15 years ago

Hello Omari Taylor here,

Hi Sahil, your title and everything is great I love it. There are just a few of things I think that you are missing, that you should add to your lead capture page.

#1) In your opt-in box to the right, you should let people know the exact amount of the ebook. Let them know how much of a deal they're getting for free for just giving their information. Also make it more of a attention grabber.

Here's what you wrote: Just enter your name and email to get your hands on my HEAD-START eBook.

Here's what I would write: Enter Your Name and Email to Get Your FREE Ebook- "Head-Start" worth ($however much it is) FREE! This help take me to the next Level!

#2) Put this under there opt-in boxes, instead of over them: P.s - I HATE SPAM... so you can be sure that I will NEVER share your information with others.

#3) Also, anyone you have helped get in shape, it dosen't have to be because of the ebook. But if you helped some one get in shape then have them write a testimonial and put their picture and their testimonial on your capture page. This is very Powerful!

#4) Since that is you in the picture at the top of the website, it would be Very, Very powerful if you had a video welcoming people to your capture page. Talk to them about things they may be struggling with and let them know that if they what to make a change they can start today by opting-in and getting their FREE Ebook! Have your own person video message is a big part of "Attraction Marketing," and very effective. I hope some of these tips are useful.

Omari
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Omari Taylor

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- FitJerk 15 years ago
  
  Thanks a lot everyone. Your tips have helped me go a looong way.
  
  To think I started with an opt-in rate of 10%... then it went to 20 then like 16-17... now I am hovering at 19.5 is great!
  
  I think the next step up will be video, which I am working on getting up there.
  
  One last question. Lets say you came to my site, downloaded my free ebook (which has a link back to my sales page) but I also give away awesome tips in my news letter which landed you here:
  flawlessfitnessbook[dot]com/thebook[dot]html
  
  This is the copy for my actual sales page. The only way customers can get to it is
  1. A link from the free ebook
  2. Emails
  3. Link from the free book dl page.
  
  Does it fit in nicely? Let me know your thoughts.
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  Kunle Olomofe 15 years ago
  
  Hey Sahil,
  
  Try this one too...
  
  Sign Up Below, Get a Free Report,
  And Learn The Secrets Of How To Get a Well Toned Body, a Much Better Muscular Frame, And Superbly Defined Abs!
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  Celebrity Marketing Formula - How To Quickly Become A Celebrated Authority In ANY Industry/Niche... Coming Soon.
  
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Review My Head line

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