Critique wanted for my sales page...

Hi Andy,
I've looked at your webpage and have a suggestion... and a very strong opinion.

Suggestion:
Take a good hard look at your headlines. You have too many of them. Instead of all three, I'd go with the middle one, "
Unlock The Secrets To Achieving High Search Engine Rankings Quickly And With Ease Using Easy Article Rewriter Pro

and make this the first thing your viewers see. It needs rewording, maybe something like
Discover the Secret To High Search Engine Rankings - Fast and Easy With EASY ARTICLE REWRITER PRO


Okay. That's one big thing you could do.

Now - I most strongly dislike rewriting articles.. ESPECIALLY OTHER PEOPLE'S articles.

Write your own! Do your OWN work! You're a writer - so WRITE! Don't steal from someone else.

And that is what article re-writing amounts to, in my view.

Stealing.

So I don't think I care to help you any further with your website.

Dot

As far as the sales page goes then I'd agree with Dot, however I'm not sure that I agree with your assumption that this software is designed to steal other peoples articles, is it?
If I was going to use it I'd just use it re write my own articles so that I could Ezine them or whatever without them being rejected. Isn't that what it's for or am I a bit green??
Shayman

Thank for the input everyone. Dot, the software isn't just for rewriting. It is a great tool to use for writing your own articles. It's the LSI component that makes it easy to write strong and focused articles. Also, the rewriting element does't necessarily mean stealing other peoples content. That was a pretty big assumption. You can rewrite your own or even rewrite PLR content. It can be used in many ways. Thanks for your suggestion anyway!

Paul, thanks for that. I will look at changing the headline and removing the clutter. I knew that needed sorting... I just was unclear on what to change it to. That's why I posted in here. Also, if you have any questions or issues with the software, just send an enquiry from the contact page link at the top of the sales page and I will get back to you.

Thanks

Andy :-)

Any other ideas anyone? Any suggestions to further improve my sales page?

Thanks Matt and Robert... that advice is gold on both counts. Thank you! I will look at making changes this afternoon :-)

Hi Guys... I've made a few amendments to the headline and sub heading. Does this look any better in your opinion?

Andy

Hi Andy,
I think you need to establish your identity, credibility and expertise early on in the sales letter.

I don't know anything about you, not even your first name, until it's mentioned in the other Andy's testimonial.

Then even later on in the video, it's "I'm Marty Smith, for Andy Black."

Who's Marty Smith, Who's Andy Black?

I think you need to go either more personal with your sales approach, and beef up your credentials, or go the opposite way and focus just on the software and NOT do the "Hello Fellow Article Writer."

Right now you have an identity crisis IMO.

George

Ok George... point taken. Thanks for your input. I'm on it.

Hey Andy,

I made a quick Jing Video for you and uploaded it to my YouTube channel:


Hope it helps
Jason

Andy, I'm far from an expert on this. I recently wrote my first pitch page. My first attempt was no where near as good as you have now. I did what you are doing to make mine much better and I'm getting sales. I mean what you are doing by asking questions like this.

I'm going to ask it again, here on this forum.

I like what you have in your headlines. But move them down the page. Keep the one the first commenter said as your main headline. That's powerful.

What I've learned about good pitch page is that the best ones tell a story in the headlines.

You seem to be trying to do that already. Work on that more by making some of your headlines sub headlines. Might not be the correct term but I think you know what I mean.

You need at least two calls to action. Three would be better. That is buy me buttons.

Google "Beltcher Button" Watch their video. Use their button, you'll see it all over.

Add a PS at the bottom and a PSS if you can come up with it.

I can send you the PSD files to make it easy to change to fit your prices if you PM me. I need to put those on my website. I better ask first.

Hi Andrew,
How can i send a pm messsage to you, im new to this site. thanks

I believe you have received plenty of good advice, so I will try to focus on some different aspects.

- alternate the sentences' length with a heavy bias towards the short ones. The very first paragraph is essentially a single phrase and this pattern is visible throughout the copy. You want to evoke dynamism and this technique helps.
- there's something off with the width - I can't scan a single line with one glance. Try to reduce it a bit.
- misspellings and weird grammar - improving on this part can only be helpful. Nobody notices good grammar, but everybody notices a bad one. Hiring a proofreader would be a wise investment.

I hope this helps.

Best regards,
George

Hi Andrew,

I write a lot of articles - for myself and as a ghost writer sometimes - and, as well as agreeing with what others have said about too many headlines, there were a couple of points that jumped out at me, namely:

1. You lost me at the qualifier. I'm not tired of writing articles that sink without trace! (That's not a problem I've considered that I have - although I'm sure many of my articles have done that over the years!) But I would like to know more about reading Google's mind! So in my view you could lose that qualifier tag line and the main headline would then be more powerful.

2. I hated the black background! Obviously this is personal taste, although I think there's some research into blue backgrounds improving sales. (Don't quote me on that though!) The great Ted Nicholas, (copy writer extraordinaire) even researched which shade of blue ink to sign his sales letters with in his direct mail marketing, so I imagine it might well make a difference.

But it was stark and dazzling to me - your white page and black background. Also, (though this may have just been my sluggish broadband), your page was very slow to load. You have a lot of graphics on there. I don't know if you made them yourself, but you might want to reduce their size or quality a little to make the page faster. Someone with a dialup connection would never make it!

Hope that's useful and constructive! (Well, you did ask!)
Cheers,
Trevor.