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Critique Please

by Devan Koshal
9 replies
if you have time could you please go through my sales page. its not 100% finished as you can see, but that's just a few images and bonuses missing.

Simple Seo - Your Search Engine Optimization Guide
#critique
  • Profile picture of the author mikecowles
    Hi Devan,

    It looks great. Very web 2.0y.

    I would suggest you add audio or video to it. That will really help conversions and get people's attention. If you want to add video, which is the better of the two, you can go to VideoWebWizard - Put Streaming Videos On Your Website In Just Minutes! and get a player with a bunch of options for $67 or you can add audio by going to SWiSH - Easy Flash Animation Software Tools and Designer Templates and creating a custom swf file. There's a little more of a learning curve, but it looks nice and loads quickly. (You can see an example of one at Affiliate Link Magic- The Most Powerful Cloaking Software On The Planet!).

    Also, you may want to add an exit pop up for people that decide to leave without buying.

    I hope this helps!
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    • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
      nice layout. Great graphical presentation.

      Weird hand-written sub-head font is hard to read. Bad.

      Headline is a generic yawner. Try to distinguish your
      product from the gazillion other similar SEO products
      on the market - And TELL ABOUT IT IN THE HEADLINE.

      Grammar error in verb conjugation in your head.

      It's not a bad letter at all but it only stands out from
      some competition because the graphics are better -
      there is absolutely nothing offered here in your headline
      that I wouldn't be promised by dozens if not hundreds
      of other products - including The SEO for Dummies
      book. If you have a USP you need to state it - and
      "floods of traffic" is so cliche'd it doesn't count.
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  • Profile picture of the author J. Barry Mandel
    Looks good.

    For me, I think the red script font and the 2.0 style graphics are a bit of a mish-mosh. The red script font is good to break up the paragraphs as sub-heads, but it doesn't really go with the normal font of the graphics.

    Your headline IMHO either needs a question mark or (...) at the end to get the reader to take the next step forward. Otherwise it does not loom o read right to me.

    Best of luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author Devan Koshal
    Thanks! i made changes just currently thinking of headlines.
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    • Profile picture of the author Loren Woirhaye
      I've been going through a lot of headlines from "magalogs" -
      those little booklets that big direct mail companies use -
      most of them are almost written like newspaper headlines
      for the financial markets or like they are big exposes.

      Maybe go for the news angle - like you've discovered
      some giant loophole that makes getting RICH with SEO
      easier than ever. Spin.
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      • Profile picture of the author Collette
        The page looks good, but I have to say the headline and copy are pretty generic.

        What's your angle? What do you have to offer that the reader can't find for free in a thousand other web sites on teh Internets?

        The fact that you're pitching "SEO" means that you're assuming your reader knows what SEO is. And they know why they need it. So - not a complete newbie. Which means, in turn, that they know how to surf. Which means, they can find a bunch of SEO information for free - a lot of it very good.

        So why should they pay YOU for information? What makes YOU an authority on the subject? What's your secret, your edge, your standout point? Give me a good reason (or several) to pay you my hard-earned money.

        Your copy doesn't tell me any of that.
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        • Profile picture of the author Easy Cash
          Originally Posted by Collette View Post

          The page looks good, but I have to say the headline and copy are pretty generic.

          What's your angle? What do you have to offer that the reader can't find for free in a thousand other web sites on teh Internets?
          I would agree with this.

          It looks great - but it seemed a bit ineffective in getting a clear message across.

          2 red headlines is distracting and hard to concentrate on 1.

          The simple SEO ebook picture should probably face towards your text and not away from it?

          There is lots of 'ACT NOW' boxes on the page. Seems a bit of overkill

          Page took a little while to load. Bit more than usual.

          Pop up at the beginning was very annoying.
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          • Profile picture of the author Nick Doyle
            Very nice page indeed.

            The web 2.0 graphics give it a good edge and the drop-down box for the newsletter is class as well.

            Great job
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  • Profile picture of the author Michael G Perry
    Devan,

    Its a nice page, however......You have way too much red at the top of the copy.. The Red money back guarantee and the arrow on the book cover immediately pull me way from the ad copy...

    You want the reader to read the ad copy not get distrated from it.. YIKES... Move the MGB away from the top.. if you are going to sell something, let someone at least read the copy.. you must let them "READ THE COPY FIRST"

    Let me role play.... Dude I don't know who you are or care about your offer or MGB... first what is the offer....Oh well, let me read up on this first...

    Also Devan, most writers will use a soft airforce blue or gold for the MBG startbust:

    Just go to Google, select image and type money back guarantee WA LA...

    How many REDs do you see?

    Just look around and you will see most are blue, gold or green..

    Finally you have a really nice piece; it is motivationally sequenced and just needs polishing up....

    Continued success..
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