The newbie needs your help!

by Pisaka
10 replies
Help me please with writing my first sales page. Recently I posted one variant of it, but following some pieces of advice I changed something. I really want to hear all criticism you are able to give.
What should be changed here? If it's "Everything" I'm ready to change everything!

Discover the Secret for Making More Money on the Basis of Existing Articles
We'll multiply your income translating the articles which already bring you money.
Our young and full of energy team with exceptional translating abilities can offer you smart and unique solution for the question that disturbs everybody:
"Is there a way to earn more money without applying much effort?"
Yes! And this way is rather simple!
Revive your articles in another language, give them chance to bring you income on the basis of perfectly established keywords. Just sit back and evaluate the results which bring you qualitative human translation free of any kind of errors: stylistic, lexical and grammar.
We'll translate your articles into another language using Tried-and-True Keywords. This will allow you to double the income from the same quantity of articles. At this stage we offer translations just into Russian, but since our business develops we'll broaden the possible variants.
OFFER IS LIMITED:
· First 2 articles you receive for free (one-time offer).
· If you order 5 articles you'll receive 1 for free.
· If you order 10 articles you'll receive 2 for free.

Since our translation is MANUAL we have limited potential.
We'll take 10 orders ONLY!
10 Left!!!
HURRY UP! Order now! Only $3 per article!

High quality of manual translation is guaranteed. Whether you need technical or fiction translation your articles will reverse the initial sense and meaning.
Make your Business Grow and Bloom!
#newbie
  • Profile picture of the author Jillycakes
    I wouldn't go so far as to say that EVERYTHING should be changed. The framework holding your letter together works, there are just some odd bits that make it ineffective.

    At first glance, some of your word choices could be better. Every time you use a 50-cent word like "lexical," you're running the risk that someone reading your letter doesn't know what it means. Coming across words we don't recognize or understand can be momentarily confusing, causing a small hiccup you don't want your potential customer to have.

    "Since our translation is MANUAL we have limited potential..." - The phrase "limited potential" can have a derogatory connotation. Rewording it as a benefit might make it come across better, such as: "All of our translations receive personal attention and care. To maintain our quick, quality results, we can only accommodate a limited number of clients. Order our services today!"

    In your last blurb, it seems like the text reading "your articles will reverse the initial sense.." should be different. In the same sentence, you're referring to fiction and technical writing - which are not necessarily articles. Switching the word "articles" for "writing" will make it read better. A "reverse" of the writing's meaning is an undesirable outcome, so that word should be switched to something like "retain."

    Leaving out the exact numbers (10 orders, 10 left) is a good idea, since right now your sales letter makes it easy to see no one has purchased your service.
    Signature

    Need a writer for articles, rewrites or reviews? Get quality content at quantity prices! PM me for details.

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  • Profile picture of the author copycashvalve
    Originally Posted by Pisaka View Post


    Discover the Secret for Making More Money on the Basis of Existing Articles
    We’ll multiply your income translating the articles which already bring you money.
    Discover the secret that my grandmother could practically implement making passive, recurring income from existing articles, all on autopilot.
    Signature

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  • Profile picture of the author BBryanB
    Hi, are you really only going to take 10 orders?

    I find that particular ply misleading, and most people can see through it.

    Its a common tactic on the Internet and I am not sure that it is a particularly good one.

    If people come back to your page a week or two latter and see the same offer up there, they will have a pretty good idea that you are not really being straight up with them.

    Something to think about , if you are so inclined.

    Bryan
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    We are launching our opportunity now. Based in Vanada, looking to exspand through Affiliates, https://localmarkethubs.com/affiliates/

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  • Profile picture of the author Pisaka
    Hi, BBryanB! I'm really going to take just 10 orders for discounted prices! Then the prices will be different. After the person takes an order, their quantity on the site will be changed! But only if somebody takes an order. I'm not going to participate in unfair play!

    Thanks,
    Tanya.
    Signature

    Write articles on any topic in Russian/Ukrainian, make translations from English into Russian/Ukrainian.
    High quality of my work is guaranted.
    PM if you are interested.

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  • Profile picture of the author docsulo
    I didn't read everything but the idea that immediately popped into my mind had to do with rock bands and certain wrestlers being has-beens in the US but huge money-making stars in overseas locales.

    "My Articles Are Huge In Japan"

    Might not make a great sales letter, but it would make a good e-mail if you could open with the story of a real band Cheap Trick: We’re Huge in Japan « JACK-FM: Playing What We Want. WJMK-FM Chicago and then tied it in to article marketing and how overseas articles will bring in fresh money - sometimes more than it did here in the US.

    You could also use a story like this as a subhead in your salesletter.
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  • Profile picture of the author wcmylife
    @ Pisaka - always good to post your sales page with a html link or a pdf - as its important to view the formatting/colors/spacing etc.

    Your sales page is pretty short...there quite a few things to be improved but like fellow warrior Danielle says - start with the headline mate...you have a watered down one at the moment....fix that first as that sets the temperature for the rest of the content..
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  • Profile picture of the author JumpInMyCar
    Originally Posted by Pisaka View Post


    Discover the Secret for Making More Money on the Basis of Existing Articles
    We'll multiply your income translating the articles which already bring you money.
    You might like to write a number of headline options and split test them

    But I think the statement "We'll multiply your income" in the subheading is actually more compelling than your current headline.

    Here's just a couple of quick ideas..

    Here's How to Multiply Your Income while You Sit Back and Do Nothing!
    If you've got articles already bringing in money then you're ready to get started


    Here's How to Multiply Your Income without Lifting a Finger
    We'll translate your existing articles that are already converting into other languages giving you access to a larger market

    Good luck.
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    • Profile picture of the author Mark Collard
      I agree with many of the folks up top - focus on getting your headline right first. I'm a newbie, so I'm learning this skill too, but add some emotive words such as MULTIPLY - REVEALED - BONUS - etc, for a start.

      I also agree, don't try to sweeten the deal with "Only taking 10 orders" - that rarely ever works, unless you are in fact only accepting 10 sales.

      Good luck, Mark
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  • Profile picture of the author CrhisD
    Reach the rest of the World (for only $x)

    Insert stuff here about how the world is changing, more of the world is coming online, and most of the world doesn't speak English, how the English-reading market is saturated, and how you can exploit a unique niche by translating articles into your language.

    "Young and full of energy" is bad. "Experienced" is good.

    Do your homework, get facts and figures, convince your reader that translating his work into Russian will profit him in the long run. Show him that more Russians are getting online, and that Russians are getting richer and more willing to spend etc.

    Show him that the English market is oversaturated, and the Russian market is relatively untapped.
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